supporter11

I wrote over a month ago about my alcoholic friend quitting. He did and is about 6 weeks into sobriety. He is on a drug for the craving which is working well except for the side effects. What other side effects can an alcoholic experience after being off the chemical for 6 weeks? Is tiredness one? His blood work continues to improve such as glucose, cholesterol etc. He is on oral meds for diabetes but it has been really good as well. Liver has been good even before he quit. He is smoking though. One thing at a time. I don't preach because I used to smoke years ago as well as he did 11 years ago, quit and just recently started again. He sees a therapist 2 times a month-she is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for 20 years-she won't even take a pain pill. He goes to 3 AA meetings a week and seems to be less depressed every day. He does have some side effects of some of the meds he is on, mainly tiredness and unsteady on his feet. No he is not drinking when I notice the unsteadiness, just very tired. The doctor is checking for other things and if all are negative then he has to rule out which med is doing it. He is also on BP meds which will soon be reduced. I want to continue to support him and we have been doing things as friends-went line dancing 2 times, meet for a light dinner once a week and talk on the phone every day. I have set my boundaries as far as a romantic relationship and he is respecting them. He has some other issues he needs to finish such as his divorce which has been in the works for 8 months, then i told him he needs time to heal and grieve. He married this bi-polar person 2 times. He doesn't have a good track record as far as fidelity but he really tried to save his marriage but the drinking got in the way and she finally gave up on him. Nothing is happening on the wife's end. I went through it 2 years ago when the other half just stalls. We have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company very much, we talk and talk, we think alike, married the wrong people but I need to wait and see how his recovery continues. We are both educated-he has a doctorate and I a master plus. We are both musicians, even play the same 2 instruments, we love our animals. The only thing we don't have in common is that he is a boater and I am not and I am not much of a drinker. I am there for him to support him but for my own being, I have to look after me so I must keep my feelings in check for now. Right now I love him as a friend and if he were not an alcohoic I could be a little less cautious but my guasrd is up. I want to be a good friend without sounding co-dependent. I can get through the day if he doesn't call. He has other friends and one is a female out of town who is also supporting his non-drinking life. I want the best for him and for myself that is why I have set up boundaries for now. I enjoy going out and having a good time dancing and he has been a good sport about learning to line dance. The next step after I recover from back surgery is to try ballroom dancing which he already knows how to do but all the meds keep him a little unsteady and I am not so sure the drinking has not killed off some brain cells as far as his reactions are not real quick but line dancing requires very quick thinking. He is getting his sense of humor back and each day is a victory for him. Is there anything else I can do to support him or just leave him now to his recovery and hope he finds himself in his new sober life. He did tell me that my honesty about some of my observations is what pushed him over the edge to quit and get help, but it was his idea. I did not push or preach. I just told him what I saw and how it broke my heart to witness those t hings. I noticed right away because I hadn't seen him in 3 years. His drinking got real serious the last 2 or 3 years since I saw him last. I have been alone for a few years and would like to find a companion some day for a little romance. I am not a drinker so that is not an issue but I don't want to pass up the chance of this guy being the right one. I really have not dated at all. So many people say don't get involved with an alcoholic and run like hell. It is a disease and alcholics need friends too.
C

ICU

I know this is something that you probably don't want to hear, but personally, I would back off for now. Six weeks of sobriety is not a long time, but yes, it is a start. And, he's not divorced yet either. All of that combined with the medical issues he's currently experiencing doesn't make it sound like he's in a good place yet.

Again, this is just my opinion based on how I would handle things at this point in my life. I have my own issues and family health issues to deal with and I'm just not in the right place to deal with anyone else's issues. It sounds a little cold while I'm typing this, but it's truly the way I feel.

Follow your gut, concentrate on things that are right for you and I'm sure you'll come to find a healthy answer for yourself.

golden4life

I can't answer if he's the one for you or not. I agree with the previous post; 6 weeks is a good start, but it is just that...a start. I realize you are still in the friends aspect of your relationship, but you have expressed thoughts about becoming romantic. He probably has a long way to go before he can contribute to a relationship.

You said you haven't dated much, so make sure you aren't interested in him simply because he is interested in you. I believe everyone is a good person inside (alcoholic or not), but it is possible that he will use you to fill the void of alcohol, rather than working through his issues (he needs to work through his issues).

An important part of knowing an alcoholic (recovering or active) is concentrating on you, not him/her. Figure out why you are considering being in a relationship with someone who is currently recovering from a very serious disease, is still married, and has made some unwise choices in mates in the past (bi-polar). These facts don't necessarily make him a bad candidate, but understanding why you are interested in him, despite these issues/aspects, is important.

Also, maybe you should date more before determining if he is right for you. You probably won't have an accurate perception of a healthy relationship, if that perception comes from being with someone who is as emotionally fragile as he is right now.

You are right, alcoholics do need friends. Keep in mind that most alcoholics have had people in their lives who allowed themselves to be enablers by revolving around the alcoholic (I was one of these). Concentrate on you, not him, and you'll be the best friend he could ask for.

denny57

Forget the alcohol. This is enough to stay far away.

Take care.