Listen to this........
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
Jeri,
It's rather uncanny that he's showing up at noon meetings seeing as he does have a day job 25 miles a way.
Cat
It's rather uncanny that he's showing up at noon meetings seeing as he does have a day job 25 miles a way.
Cat
Originally Posted by embraced2000 
cat...one time my xh was in a half-way house 3 counties away.....about 60 miles. i went to an al-anon meeting in another county, which would place my xh 4 counties away. guess who showed up???? it upset me, too. there were at least 40 meetings he could have gone to where he was located at the time, but he knew i would be going to that al-anon/aa meeting.
i felt the same way....he was on my territory, although it is open to all. it was the intent that bothered me so much. i was still very uncomfortable around him, and the sight of him still sent me into a marble head. he manipulated the situation.....and i resented it.
yours sounds like he is doing the same. and you know this. just wanted to let you know that i understand how it feels and that i also understand how difficult it can be to untangle that ball of yarn that has become our lives while living within the effects of alcoholism.
i felt the same way....he was on my territory, although it is open to all. it was the intent that bothered me so much. i was still very uncomfortable around him, and the sight of him still sent me into a marble head. he manipulated the situation.....and i resented it.
yours sounds like he is doing the same. and you know this. just wanted to let you know that i understand how it feels and that i also understand how difficult it can be to untangle that ball of yarn that has become our lives while living within the effects of alcoholism.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
Eliza,
How odd that you are making this out to sound like all my fault, sounds soo much like the ex.
Again don't answer my posts.
Cat
How odd that you are making this out to sound like all my fault, sounds soo much like the ex.
Again don't answer my posts.
Cat
Originally Posted by eliza
Cat
You know actually I can't believe this, how would you even know this unless the pastor told you. or someone else, which would be really strange seeing anything you tell to person of the cloth is in confidence not to mention AA anonymity?
You know actually I can't believe this, how would you even know this unless the pastor told you. or someone else, which would be really strange seeing anything you tell to person of the cloth is in confidence not to mention AA anonymity?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
Hey StandingStrong,
You may have a point about if I'm enabling or not, old habits are hard to break.
No I do not like this sort of attention. I've nothing to say to him anymore,it was all said before and was never listened to while I was with him so I'm done saying.
Cat
You may have a point about if I'm enabling or not, old habits are hard to break.
No I do not like this sort of attention. I've nothing to say to him anymore,it was all said before and was never listened to while I was with him so I'm done saying.
Cat
Originally Posted by StandingStrong
(Ugh, lost my first post, let me try again)
Your ex is hurt. Even though the pain was brought about as consequences to his drinking, it still does not change that he is hurt. Hurt people hurt people! He is angry, he is hurt, and he is probably confused on many levels.
However - you say that he likes to play the victim and to tell him of this other man would probably only allow him to play the victim even more. Well, you know, isn't keeping the truth from him and hiding things as to keep him from playing the victim role, isn't that a form of enabling? At the very least, it is dishonest.
Then again - it seems that your posts are centered around what he does and doesn't do. I'd think that should alarm you. From where I'm sitting, I'd have to suggest that you ask yourself if you like the attention he's giving even though it may not be in the form you'd want him too give. I'd have to wonder if you are still playing your role in the relationship?
Take him out of the equation a minute - and get honest and real with yourself.
Is this really all about your own recovery - or have you truly just not let go yet?
I'm not condemning, I've been there. It took a long time, a lot of pain, and some real work on my part to get better.
Your ex is hurt. Even though the pain was brought about as consequences to his drinking, it still does not change that he is hurt. Hurt people hurt people! He is angry, he is hurt, and he is probably confused on many levels.
However - you say that he likes to play the victim and to tell him of this other man would probably only allow him to play the victim even more. Well, you know, isn't keeping the truth from him and hiding things as to keep him from playing the victim role, isn't that a form of enabling? At the very least, it is dishonest.
Then again - it seems that your posts are centered around what he does and doesn't do. I'd think that should alarm you. From where I'm sitting, I'd have to suggest that you ask yourself if you like the attention he's giving even though it may not be in the form you'd want him too give. I'd have to wonder if you are still playing your role in the relationship?
Take him out of the equation a minute - and get honest and real with yourself.
Is this really all about your own recovery - or have you truly just not let go yet?
I'm not condemning, I've been there. It took a long time, a lot of pain, and some real work on my part to get better.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
