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Old 02-21-2007, 12:45 PM
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How come..............

I have this very nice man who treats me like a "pearl" as my friend put it, loves me and I can't tell him I love him?
I have alot of feelings for him but they aren't the firecracker ones that I would have for a bum like my ex or just about all my ex's for that matter. I thuink because they aren't firecracker ones it's not love.

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Old 02-21-2007, 12:54 PM
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How long have you known him/been dating him?
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Old 02-21-2007, 12:59 PM
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Um, let's see I met him the program, been talking to him since last summer but still involved with my ex so that wasn't in question. Broke up with the ex in the fall, still kept talking but didn't want to get involved .started talking a lot on the phone at New Year's went out for a first date a month ago, have been seeing each other pretty regularly since. Haven't consumated anything yet.

So close to two months.

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Old 02-21-2007, 01:13 PM
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Two months is pretty fast for the L word to be exchanged, so don't pressure yourself if you don't feel something right now. It'll either happen, or it won't. In the meantime, if you enjoy his company, why not just keep on enjoying it?

Just my opinion. :-)
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Old 02-21-2007, 01:19 PM
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Butterflies fly away and firecrackers are short lived.
Dont dismiss him.
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Old 02-21-2007, 01:24 PM
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Your know.... there is a different way of looking at it as well.

In some past relationships there was this excitement.... things were intense, My obsessive thinking, and unfortunally I equated that to love... If the firecrackers where there that set my nerve endings off it must be something huh?

But then again Im co-dependant and therefor my feelings are not always the healthy way of feeling or thinking. Perhaps those toxic feelings are just what you have known and not what love is really all about?
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Old 02-21-2007, 02:22 PM
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wow! whats you're new guy have to say about your ex flipping out the other day at the meeting ? do they know each other ? this is like a soap LOL
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Old 02-21-2007, 03:04 PM
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I remember reading something not too long ago that really spoke to me. It's unfortunate that I can't recall where I read it but I'm thinking it was a link off this site to another one that someone had posted. Anyways....

I know that this discussion has been talked about before here...the firecrackers versus the "boring" ones.....

And like you, I have questioned this very topic. I mean - how can a caring, thoughtful, gentleman that treats me and my kids so great not just melt my heart to the point of my feeling overwhelming love and respect for him?

And yet......my XAH that has been physically, mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive to myself and my kids can still get under my skin most of the time by simply looking at him or hearing his voice? It's just crazy, isn't it?

So I've really been thinking alot about that........

But I remember reading that article and to make a long story short, I think it was basically saying that love is different depending on how you interpret it. Do you feel that the fireworks are a sign of love? Or maybe that comfortable non-drama relationship that we find boring really is love, but we don't realize it. Also, do you think that love really is a quick and maybe even a love at first sight kind of thing? Or do you think that love is something that grows and blossoms and develops?
Again - it's how you interpret love.

Personally, I think that codies are conditioned and in that, we have a skewered idea of what love is - let alone how it feels!!!
I find that defining words like "love" are something that I work on as I'm changing, my perception changes.
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Old 02-21-2007, 06:15 PM
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Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the good things that were said.

I talked to him about it tonight and he told me not to worry about it. That he understands what I'm going through.

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Old 02-21-2007, 06:17 PM
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Um they know who each other is but they don't know each other. And I don't think the ex knows about him as we're keeping it kind of quiet for now.

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Originally Posted by eliza View Post
wow! whats you're new guy have to say about your ex flipping out the other day at the meeting ? do they know each other ? this is like a soap LOL
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