Another Sleepless Night.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Northern California
Posts: 8
Another Sleepless Night.
Two years ago my daughter who is 41 years old, came here from jail, asking if she could stay for a couple of weeks. She is still here today and it is miserable.When I gave birth to this beautiful child, never did I think I would be saying such harsh words.
She is on 3 years probation and was arrested on an old outstanding warrant a couple of weeks ago. Her probation states if she is arrested or breaks any law within the 3 years she goes to prison for that amount of time.
She is angry, verabally abusive to me and blames everyone else for everything that happens to her. To live in such an environment is devastating. My health has deteriorated over the last 6 months to say the least, blood pressure being uncontrollable, chronic insomnia, etc.
She has a way of "pushing my buttons" and bringing out a part of me that I never knew existed. This always seem's to happen in the evening hours and in turn, I lie in bed and cannot sleep.
She wants to go into a long term treatment program but will probably be sentenced to prison for 3 years for the violation of her probation. The very thought of this used to break my heart but at this time in my life I'm not too sure it would.
I layed in bed awake the entire night thinking about all of what has happened over the last 20 years and how it has affected my life in a negative manner far more than it has her's.
She has been in rehab 3 times but never any long term program. I have heard of people going into programs and then coming out and taking care of old court actions. Maybe this is the answer ? I do not know. I don't want to see her in prison. Does anyone know which would be the best way for her to go at this point ?
I don't have too much of a support system here as my husband has his martinis in the evening so he is not one I can confide in. We have talked and he doesn't think he has a problem but it affects me as well because...I feel neglected as a wife in every way. We don't have meals together as everything evolves around his drinking. So....I eat alone, drive myself to ER alone when I have acute asthma attacks, sleep alone, because the smell of the alcohol permeates the room at night.
At one time I was going to Al Anon and it helped a lot. I live in a small rural community and there were only a handful of us but I feel it was still helpful. I haven't been for a couple of years as I find myself isolating and afraid to leave my house for fear something will happen as it always seems to, when I do leave.
These 2 people have affected my life more than words can say and I feel so helpless as nothing I do seems to help.
Sometimes I consider divorce and then I think of my age and health problems and realize it is probably too late or I am so "beat down" emotionally I could not go through with it.
What ever happened to the strong woman I used to be ?
Does anyone here have a similar situation ?
To all of you...Have a Blessed Easter.
She is on 3 years probation and was arrested on an old outstanding warrant a couple of weeks ago. Her probation states if she is arrested or breaks any law within the 3 years she goes to prison for that amount of time.
She is angry, verabally abusive to me and blames everyone else for everything that happens to her. To live in such an environment is devastating. My health has deteriorated over the last 6 months to say the least, blood pressure being uncontrollable, chronic insomnia, etc.
She has a way of "pushing my buttons" and bringing out a part of me that I never knew existed. This always seem's to happen in the evening hours and in turn, I lie in bed and cannot sleep.
She wants to go into a long term treatment program but will probably be sentenced to prison for 3 years for the violation of her probation. The very thought of this used to break my heart but at this time in my life I'm not too sure it would.
I layed in bed awake the entire night thinking about all of what has happened over the last 20 years and how it has affected my life in a negative manner far more than it has her's.
She has been in rehab 3 times but never any long term program. I have heard of people going into programs and then coming out and taking care of old court actions. Maybe this is the answer ? I do not know. I don't want to see her in prison. Does anyone know which would be the best way for her to go at this point ?
I don't have too much of a support system here as my husband has his martinis in the evening so he is not one I can confide in. We have talked and he doesn't think he has a problem but it affects me as well because...I feel neglected as a wife in every way. We don't have meals together as everything evolves around his drinking. So....I eat alone, drive myself to ER alone when I have acute asthma attacks, sleep alone, because the smell of the alcohol permeates the room at night.
At one time I was going to Al Anon and it helped a lot. I live in a small rural community and there were only a handful of us but I feel it was still helpful. I haven't been for a couple of years as I find myself isolating and afraid to leave my house for fear something will happen as it always seems to, when I do leave.
These 2 people have affected my life more than words can say and I feel so helpless as nothing I do seems to help.
Sometimes I consider divorce and then I think of my age and health problems and realize it is probably too late or I am so "beat down" emotionally I could not go through with it.
What ever happened to the strong woman I used to be ?
Does anyone here have a similar situation ?
To all of you...Have a Blessed Easter.
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Hi GaleMarie
Welcome to the forums. There are many people here whom I am sure can relate to your situation. This site is a great place for strength and support. I honestly don't know where I would be if I hadn't have found this site and the wonderful people who come here.
I don't have any great words of wisdom except perhaps to read the powerposts in this forum and Nar-Anon and read many of the other posts.
I am sure others will be along throughout the day to say hello
You have a great day and Happy Easter to you!!
Many hugs.
Debbie
Welcome to the forums. There are many people here whom I am sure can relate to your situation. This site is a great place for strength and support. I honestly don't know where I would be if I hadn't have found this site and the wonderful people who come here.
I don't have any great words of wisdom except perhaps to read the powerposts in this forum and Nar-Anon and read many of the other posts.
I am sure others will be along throughout the day to say hello
You have a great day and Happy Easter to you!!
Many hugs.
Debbie
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Hi Galemarie and welcome
You are in a tough situation as you have two relationships in your home that are problematic. I think the best thing you can do for yourself right now is to find some sort of support group. The more you stay home, alone and isolated, the more alone and isolated you will feel. And you deserve better than that. I know that you can find a way to turn your life around, one step at a time. This is a great forum for inspiration and support. Keep coming back.
Peace and Happy Easter,
Gabe
Peace and Happy Easter,
Gabe
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 62
Hi Galemarie,
There are so many of us here that understand your pain, you are so powerless over your husband and your daughter, try to do what is best for you. Keep coming to this wonderful site and sharing how you feel with people who understand. I have only been coming here a week and I have found hope and courage that I am not powerless over my own life and little by little one step at a time I can improve my situation.
Take good care of yourself, you will be in my prayers.
Lots of love and hugs
Love Jewel.
There are so many of us here that understand your pain, you are so powerless over your husband and your daughter, try to do what is best for you. Keep coming to this wonderful site and sharing how you feel with people who understand. I have only been coming here a week and I have found hope and courage that I am not powerless over my own life and little by little one step at a time I can improve my situation.
Take good care of yourself, you will be in my prayers.
Lots of love and hugs
Love Jewel.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Galemarie
I know your pain. My addict son who is 35 can no longer live here. He has several times and the chaos was just way too unhealthy for either of us. My husband is a wonderful man who neither drinks nor uses drugs, nor is he codependent, so I don't havve that issue to deal with, but because I AM codependent, I spent way too many years trying to save our family relationship.
If there is any way you can get yourself back to meetings and start working the 12-steps, I promise you that you will gain your balance and get the strength needed to keep your life happy and manageable again.
I know that I tend to isolate too, when things get bad, and I have learned that I must keep doing positive things for me, regardless of what the rest of my family is doing.
I know that it all seems so overwhelming right now that you probably don't even know where to start. Just start by making a plan for you and move forward one baby step at a time. It won't be long and you will see the change in yourself that will feel so good that there will be no turning back.
I am sending hugs and prayers that you can someday soon have the peace and serenity that you deserve.
I know your pain. My addict son who is 35 can no longer live here. He has several times and the chaos was just way too unhealthy for either of us. My husband is a wonderful man who neither drinks nor uses drugs, nor is he codependent, so I don't havve that issue to deal with, but because I AM codependent, I spent way too many years trying to save our family relationship.
If there is any way you can get yourself back to meetings and start working the 12-steps, I promise you that you will gain your balance and get the strength needed to keep your life happy and manageable again.
I know that I tend to isolate too, when things get bad, and I have learned that I must keep doing positive things for me, regardless of what the rest of my family is doing.
I know that it all seems so overwhelming right now that you probably don't even know where to start. Just start by making a plan for you and move forward one baby step at a time. It won't be long and you will see the change in yourself that will feel so good that there will be no turning back.
I am sending hugs and prayers that you can someday soon have the peace and serenity that you deserve.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Hi Galemarie,
Let me add my welcome along with the others here.
I'm sorry you are going through these tough times. All of us here might not have the exact situation as you, but we are all on this board because our lives are being affected by someone who is drinking. So in a way, we all can identify with your problem.
I too live in a small town and my Al Anon group is quite small but so helpful to me. It doesn't take a room full of people to get good information and input. The other night we met and just one lady was there (besides my husband and I) and I was truly blessed by what she had to say.
I hope you can get back to your Al Anon meetings and find some 'up close and personal' support there. And in the meantime, keep coming back here. There are so many wise people here who have walked this road and are walking it with such serenity. I get so much strength from this sight and I'm sure you will too.
Keep posting and I'll keep you in my prayers.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Let me add my welcome along with the others here.
I'm sorry you are going through these tough times. All of us here might not have the exact situation as you, but we are all on this board because our lives are being affected by someone who is drinking. So in a way, we all can identify with your problem.
I too live in a small town and my Al Anon group is quite small but so helpful to me. It doesn't take a room full of people to get good information and input. The other night we met and just one lady was there (besides my husband and I) and I was truly blessed by what she had to say.
I hope you can get back to your Al Anon meetings and find some 'up close and personal' support there. And in the meantime, keep coming back here. There are so many wise people here who have walked this road and are walking it with such serenity. I get so much strength from this sight and I'm sure you will too.
Keep posting and I'll keep you in my prayers.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Paused
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
Hello and welcome Gailmarie
I wish I could just give you a real person hug
and I believe the people in alanon will have that
for you.
We all share your pain and disappointment , this alcoholism
disease has effected us all and we are all trying to just do the
best we can for ourselves. I tried helping my daughter and son and it only got me into becoming a sicker puppy.
Today I try my best to live my life each day as it comes,somedays
I do better then others but every day I get a new chance at
serenity and even happiness.
And as for any verbal abuse, you do not have to take that.
When my son was in his mania I removed myself or told him
straight out I will have no conversation with you when you talk to me that way. Interestingly enough it works and today we respect each other in a new way, the respect is mutual, I played my part as well back then.
The people that come into these rooms realy care.
Keep coming back
love
Liddy ( and ps, we are never too old to learn new ways to live !)
I wish I could just give you a real person hug
and I believe the people in alanon will have that
for you.
We all share your pain and disappointment , this alcoholism
disease has effected us all and we are all trying to just do the
best we can for ourselves. I tried helping my daughter and son and it only got me into becoming a sicker puppy.
Today I try my best to live my life each day as it comes,somedays
I do better then others but every day I get a new chance at
serenity and even happiness.
And as for any verbal abuse, you do not have to take that.
When my son was in his mania I removed myself or told him
straight out I will have no conversation with you when you talk to me that way. Interestingly enough it works and today we respect each other in a new way, the respect is mutual, I played my part as well back then.
The people that come into these rooms realy care.
Keep coming back
love
Liddy ( and ps, we are never too old to learn new ways to live !)
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