Well, I did it.

Old 02-20-2007, 05:41 AM
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Practicing the lion's roar
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Well, I did it.

That is, I moved out. It was awful. My now ex-A-fiance was visiting relatives in Florida this past week, and I had told him I would be visiting my parents in the Minnesota wilderness this weekend. Tragic blunder on my part, because a) I despise lying to people, and b) he has their phone number. Anyway the lying and the stress of my weekend's activities (packing and such) were so overwhelming that I ducked his calls all day Saturday and Sunday. Since he'd been expecting me to be home on Sunday evening, he got panicky and called the sheriff in the county where my parents live, and called everybody he had phone numbers for, trying to find out what happened to us.

I feel just horrible for making him worry like that. Gut-wrenchingly horrible. I did call him early on Monday morning to tell him what's up. Told him I couldn't marry him, that the alcoholism was too much for me, that I was moving out. Asked him to please take care of himself, and not to call me because my mind was made up. So far, he hasn't called. Not long after that my movers showed up and hauled my junk away to storage. I bought a house and the sale closes next Wednesday, which is amazingly fast. I'm staying at my friend's house until the house deal is done.

While I'm relieved that it's all over, I am still suffering from the guilt of making him worry so much. I did apologize to him for that. I have a counseling appointment this afternoon, too, and I'm sure I'll talk all about it. Still, the relief for having finally made my decision and that the worst of it is over does make me feel a little better than I had last week. My appetite hasn't returned fully yet but it's getting better slowly, and I slept almost all night last night. These are big improvements.

I guess that what's ultimately important here is that I finally decided that enough was enough, listened to my gut, and acted on it. No more quacking.

It still sucks, though.
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Old 02-20-2007, 05:45 AM
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Originally Posted by AllTooSober View Post
I guess that what's ultimately important here is that I finally decided that enough was enough, listened to my gut, and acted on it. No more quacking.

It still sucks, though.

Wish I would have had that light bulb a couple of years ago...
Go girl and take care

missy xo
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Old 02-20-2007, 06:30 AM
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let it grow!
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take good care of yourself, and start looking forward to your future. you've made a very wise choice. blessings, k
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Old 02-20-2007, 06:36 AM
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Congratulations, and I'm sorry. I was the one who left when the disease got too big, and I know how difficult and scary it was for me. Take good care of yourself, maybe find some good face to face meetings. Things take time...

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Old 02-20-2007, 08:22 AM
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It does suck ATS, but it also gets better. More so every day. Try not to beat yourself up over the worry you caused him. Everything happens the way it should. When I do stuff like that I can choose to look at it another way, too: that it could be a positive thing - no one knows what adds up to someone's breaking point. You apologized and it's obvious you regret doing it. Forgive yourself.

What you've done - choosing the best life for you - takes courage. I hope your new home is filled with serenity and love.
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Old 02-20-2007, 08:37 AM
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Very happy and excited for you ATS!
You did good.

You did the best you maybe you made him worry a bit...he'll get over took care of you and you did the right thing.

Think of all the worrying YOU'VE done over him these past years.
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Old 02-20-2007, 09:22 AM
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I'm sure if there had been any other way to move out, you would have. I think you have to consider what didn't happen. There really is no great way to break up and move out.
I'm glad you are looking forward and bought this house, it helps you to look forward with some excitement instead of dragging your bags into the fog of the future. I envy you, it must be fun to be moving into a new house. The legalities of the next few days of closing will help you through those first few days. I think it will be a good transition. Are you looking forward to decorating?
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Old 02-20-2007, 10:03 AM
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Always hopeful...
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Peace to you.....
Don't let his worry over you play too big in will pass!
Take care of you, and enjoy YOUR new home.
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Old 02-20-2007, 10:46 AM
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Practicing the lion's roar
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Thank you everybody for all the wonderful support, ever since I first came here!

Mallowcup, I really am looking forward to decorating. The very first thing I'm going to do after closing is to go rip up carpeting and see how the floors look underneath. The movers will bring my stuff in the following day, and my parents will come down to help me organize and set things up.

There really is no good way to break up with somebody, but Mallow is right that I should think about what *didn't* happen. He wasn't alone when he got the news, he didn't have an opportunity to dive deep into the bottle and harm me or himself or anything in the house, and he didn't have to watch me leave. And he won't have to watch me move on with my life!

On another positive note, I had asked him not to call me, and so far he hasn't. He gets back from Florida sometime today, and if he continues to not call me, so much the better.
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Old 02-20-2007, 10:58 AM
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I'm an A but wanted to say that it was so calming after my divorce to move into a small home with only my personal belongings and little else. My kids and I made a few trips to Ikea to pick out new furniture, and we all pitched in with unpacking and decorating the house. Every time we're there together I think about how much of our love for each other is shared there and fills our home, and for the future we'll have together.

Starting over became such a relief after years of alcoholic chaos. I know you're hurting, but I'm glad you're done quacking.
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Old 02-20-2007, 11:09 AM
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Congratulations on a big step! Sounds like you are headed in the right direction!
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Old 02-20-2007, 12:31 PM
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Congrats!! Now you can look forward to a new start concentrating on yourself!! Big hugs
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Old 02-21-2007, 09:45 AM
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I know what you are feeling. I was the one who moved out from AH.

It was a Sunday, when he had plans / work with a buddy of his. I calmly waited around until he left, and moved most of my stuff. He was floored when he found out what I did. I felt guilty, still do sometimes. But I did it for me, just like you have done all of this for YOU.

Keep your chin up! You are doing good.
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Old 02-21-2007, 09:49 AM
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Maybe we all are just TOO NICE!?

We feel so bad and so responsible and we're always trying to be so careful not to hurt anyone.

Yeah, I think it's true that "in the end, only kindness matters"...but if we are not first very kind to ourselves...where do we end up?
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