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VENT: Hate the weekends!!!

Old 02-18-2007, 03:29 PM
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VENT: Hate the weekends!!!

Or any other day my AH is off work! (and as an aside note, everytime I read or write "AH" I think of "A$$HOLE", not alcoholic husband. LOL)

AH drinks every day when he's not working and today's no exception (not that I thought it would be). The worst part is that I know how the rest of the evening will go and already my stomach's in knots with anticipation. *sigh*

I'm working on getting out of here (permanently, this time) but I'm juggling several major life issues simultaneously while trying to accomplish setting myself free, and so it'll take more time.

Meanwhile....thank God for SR and you wonderful people!

~GodHelpMe....please
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Old 02-18-2007, 03:35 PM
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Until you're ready to leave, can you find activities outside the home that you enjoy? That way, you won't have to watch him sit around and drink.
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Old 02-18-2007, 03:44 PM
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That's funny GodHelpMe about what AH can stand for! And for most of us - ain't it the truth!

Yeah, I'm starting to feel mad. And just thinking about you having to watch your AH drink just makes me madder at all of this...damn...we're good girls! We deserve better than this!!!! Keep moving towards freedom....thinking of you
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Old 02-18-2007, 03:45 PM
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I spend alot of time away from the home, especially on the weekends or any other time he's around. When the weather breaks here, I'll be on the go even more. Perhaps by that time, I'll even be gone for good!

He's away at the moment, down the street with his addict / alcoholic buddy so I'm enjoying the temporary peace. I'm dreading when he gets home though, big time.
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Old 02-18-2007, 03:49 PM
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Don't waste this time without him dreading when he will return. Instead, try focusing on how much you enjoy this time alone. I have two trashy magazines waiting for me when I finish my chores tonight. I plan to watch the evening news, then fix a fresh pot of coffee, complete with my favorite vanilla creamer, then get lost in the magazines. Can't wait to read this week's edition of Star once the house is quiet and all mine--and find the answer to the burning question, "Is Angelina Jolie anorexic?"
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Old 02-18-2007, 04:17 PM
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I think of "A" the same way! ROFL I know what you mean. Whenever XAH would get fired from another job, I'd just think, "Oh crap. Now he's going to be around all the time. He's going to give me a hard time, try to drive the kids around while impaired, etc. - God help me!"
(Edited to add - just noticed that's your user name! LOL)

(((Hugs))) Keep planning out your escape in your mind. You'll know when it's time.
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Old 02-18-2007, 04:24 PM
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GHM I'm with ya! This Ohio weather is REALLY GETTING OLD!!! I'm not even around my A anymore but I'm BORED OUTTA MY MIND because of the cold and snow! I hate being inside all the time. What do ya say all us "cold folks" go hang with Prodigal in the AZ heat and try to talk her out of moving somewhere cold! (Come summer time I'll be singing a different tune about Ohio but for now I'm SOOOOO done with winter!!)
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Old 02-18-2007, 04:33 PM
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I think we should do a study and see if more people in cold climates leave their addicts in the spring than any other time of the year. They've been locked up with them all winter and are stir crazy more than most people

GHM, I love your very healthy line:

I spend alot of time away from the home, especially on the weekends or any other time he's around.


You are good at taking are of yourself Good for you!
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Old 02-18-2007, 06:28 PM
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Well wantsout -

I just blew your theory -

I ditched AH in the fall - Sept 30.

Temp got near freezing today! A heat wave!
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Old 02-18-2007, 07:13 PM
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Well, my A$$HOLE...er, I mean AH is finally passed out....but not after a lot of babbling about nothing outside my locked bedroom door while I had the TV turned WAY UP to drown him out! Amoung his drunken BS were him calling me an "ingrate" and oh, I love this new one ---> "the righteous One". God help HIM!

After the movie I was watching ended, I came downstairs to get on the computer (where he's passed out in the other room) and see one of his old hand guns lying on the end table next to him. In the past it would've scared the bejeebies right out of me (his plan, I'm sure)....now it just infuriates me (and concerns me as well, but I'm not as focused on that, though maybe I should be.)

I left him the first time at the beginning of Spring. (You may be on to something, Wantsout, with your theory.) LOL
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Old 02-18-2007, 07:17 PM
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((((((GodHelpMe)))))))
I remember those days. You are in my thoughts.
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Old 02-18-2007, 08:27 PM
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Oh GHM...please be safe. Alcoholics and guns are a very bad mix.
Are you sure you are not in danger? How can you trust that he will not use it?
You make it sound so normal for a handgun to just be lying around!
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Old 02-19-2007, 01:31 AM
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Godhelpme, I actually just reflected on this topic with my now sober ABF (almost 2 months). We slept in today, had a nice outting to pick up flowers, etc... came home and he said 'hey, just think how today would have been if I were still drinking."

He would have been drunk by 12pm, I would have gone somewhere to escape him during his drunken state. I usually rented movies to watch in my office w/ headphones... Always away from him, until he passed out. I would usually buy atleast one bottle of wine (when i used to drink - no more for me!!) , some snacks, and then locked myself in my office until I heard him start snoring, or stop crashing around - which ever came first! I knew he was passed out somewhere in the house.

After he would pass out, I would go down stairs to check the damage. I generally would find it in shambles with many broken items. He especially liked to punch holes in the wall with his fist. gosh.. how I don't miss that.

This morning, I also started to reflect on MANY things he did while he was drunk. I shared quite a few with him, and he still couldn't believe he did everything that i told him, he didn't deny it...Just couldn't remember. He's in therapy and going to AA, etc... so he's dealing with his addiciton problems, and feelings. So, I decided it was time to share with him the many horrible things he did and said to me while drunk.

I removed the guns from the house. I actually put them in storage for quite a while... i just didn't want them in the house while he was crazy. I just couldn't trust him with anything that could be a weapon. I even removed many of the big knives from the kitchen, and tried to keep totally away from having glass items in the living room. sad... really sad.

This made me so upset thinking about it today. I guess I blocked out a lot of it, and it comes out gradually. I hated living like that. It is so painful for me to think about it, I just really hurt inside when i think about all of the horrible experiences. It's really sad to think someone that is suppose to love you and be a companion, can also be your worst enemy.

Please make sure you are safe. The verbal and mental abuse can become physical... they are not sane while drunk, they become monsters. I will never stick around to be treated like that again, it damaged me to a point that it is so painful to even reflect on and talk about. Hopefully I'll be able to overcome this soon with some therapy and alanon, but it's going to be a difficult journey.
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Old 02-19-2007, 01:44 AM
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I remember those times, now I'm free from that lifestyle, I'm finding out it takes effort to keep it that way because I can fall easily back into it!

Hang in there...
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Old 02-19-2007, 05:48 AM
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I also hate when my AH is home at night and weekends anymore. It just keeps getting worse. His mother is dying and if they would call he could not help in anyway. I keep hoping and praying for a way out of this with our son who is only 8yrs old and does not deserve this kind of treatment. I have been in al-non for about 4yrs and did does help.
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Old 02-19-2007, 06:10 AM
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My boyfriend's father died just over two years ago now and he has admitted himself that it is no excuse for the behaviour that he exibits sometimes.
I could go on forever about the possible reasons why this could be happening like the fact that he was a British soldier for 4 years and spent 12 months of that time in Northern Ireland in the early 90's seeing his mates getting blown up.
I tell him that he lived through that for a reason but i'm not sure whether he's taken on the fact that that reason is life and you've only got one shot at it.

Something inside of me has changed just recently, the first step that i took was to simply not respond to him when he got mad, sometimes i would just smile at him and he'd look at me like i was going crazy and then shut up. It worked we haven't had raised voices for weeks now and even though we drank a little yesterday we did have the best time that we have had in a long while. The glimpses that i see of my boyf as he used to be are a lot more frequent now.

The question i think that some of us need to ask ourselves is are they actually worth the wait and are we able to wait for them??

Some may come back and some may not but i think that my baby is on his way back and i have faith that he will return one day and i CAN give him time, time that he has given to me, to heal pain that i have been through myself, not drink but the death of my mother and grandmother. to cut it short now in the time that we have been together (4yrs) 3 people have died 2 of whom were parents(best friends), we have both bought a house and have massive ties around us, me having a sister who is in constant need of the small amount of energy that i have left sometimes. I don't think that we have ever really had the time to get to know one another. He picked me up when i was down i will be here for him until i decide otherwise.
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Old 02-19-2007, 04:13 PM
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NEG, you're right....Alcohol and guns are a bad combination. It's not that I'm immune to it, really. Maybe I've been in denial? I used to hide his guns (one is still hidden now, in fact) because I was so petrified that he would suicide (he played that card often). He's never threatened me harm, but that doesn't mean he couldn't do it by accident or even intentionally. I suppose I've tried to pretend to him that I'm not troubled by his crazy talk or when he leaves a gun sitting out, in hopes he'd forfeit using them as a means of manipulating me once he realized he couldn't push my buttons anymore.

How crazy is that thinking? Anyone else would just leave, pronto! Go to a hotel, get to safety, whatever it takes.

I'm sicker than I thought!
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Old 02-19-2007, 04:27 PM
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I lived with so many booze-a-thon weekends that I finally walked out for good. This being a long weekend, I went up to Phoenix. I dreaded weekends, holidays, special occasions .... and I had to leave. I, too, had lots of details to wrap up - get my degree, get a job, get a place to live. Guess what? I don't have any of them yet but I walked. It got so bad that I didn't care to worry about having my ducks in a row before I left.

The pain of staying outweighed the pain of leaving. Let go and let God was the route I took so I could save my life and sanity. Even if all the stuff you need to do isn't done, you'll leave when your heart tells you to go.

You have my greatest sympathy. I've lived it for a long time, so I realize how hard it is on you. Be good to yourself and take care of YOU.
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Old 02-19-2007, 04:38 PM
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It's not that I have so many loose ends to tie up before leaving per se, it's that I have other concerns that equally need my time and attention (my father has cancer and I do all I can for he and my mother and try to spend as much quality time with them as possible). I also started a new job in a new industry and have had to be out of town for that. So, these things impede my progress on getting settled into a new place....but I'm working on it (have an appt to see a house this week).

I can't live like this anymore. Somehow I thought AH and I could be "roommates" during my father's illness (living here places me just under 4 minutes from my folks) but I see that's not possible whatsoever really.

I often wish I could just magically be somewhere else without any effort at all.

~ghm
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Old 02-19-2007, 04:48 PM
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I hear ya, GodHelpMe. You are doing the best you can in difficult circumstances. We're here to support you.
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