Quite a night...
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
Quite a night...
Well, the A went out last night in MY CAR to run down to the beer and wine store to pick up a case of beer. He called 3 HOURS LATER drunk as a skunk in a seedy bar a couple of miles away to let me know he was "okay." (This is the first time he has ever done anything like this.) I told him to leave my car there and to take a cab home. Well he finally came crashing through the door at 5:15 this morning, still pretty high, but not totally wasted. So I've been up ever since and didn't get much sleep and he's passed out and sleeping like a baby.
Needless to say, my advice about leaving the car and taking a cab fell on deaf ears and he drove God knows where as apparently he ended up in a ditch. (Of course, there are no ditches between here and the bar.) He said that the car spun out and went into a ditch (quack) and that he went to a couple of houses to try and get help (quack quack) and that a lady who lived at one of them ran him off with a shotgun (quack quack quack) and that the police drove by about 5 times but didn't stop until 5 hours later (QUUAACCCCKKKK) and he'd only just been able to get a tow truck to pull him out (I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen the towing bill).
When I looked out the window this morning I could see that he had parked the car way over into the neighbour's parking spot, so I went down to park it properly. You would not believe the state of my car. There is mud up to the fenders, and the inside is a nightmare. There's cigarette butts all over the floor, empty coke flaps and crack baggies, empty and full beer cans everywhere, mud all over the floor, the contents of the glove compartment strewn all over the floor, and a wad of kleenex that had been set on fire (????????) sitting behind the driver's seat. It also looked like there had been someone else in the car with him as the passenger side door had been left unlocked on that side and, just to top it off, the door handle is broken off. I feel disgusted and totally disrespected.
Do you want to know the craziest thing in all this? As I was asking him about what had happened ( and I had quite a few questions) I was actually worried that he would think that I suspected him of being with another woman as his ex-girlfriend used to accuse him of that all the time!!!!!!!!!
What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I continuously put other people's feelings ahead of my own?
This is the first time that I truly believe that he is lying to me, as he's NEVER told me a story like this one until today.
What a way to start the holiday weekend.
Needless to say, my advice about leaving the car and taking a cab fell on deaf ears and he drove God knows where as apparently he ended up in a ditch. (Of course, there are no ditches between here and the bar.) He said that the car spun out and went into a ditch (quack) and that he went to a couple of houses to try and get help (quack quack) and that a lady who lived at one of them ran him off with a shotgun (quack quack quack) and that the police drove by about 5 times but didn't stop until 5 hours later (QUUAACCCCKKKK) and he'd only just been able to get a tow truck to pull him out (I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen the towing bill).
When I looked out the window this morning I could see that he had parked the car way over into the neighbour's parking spot, so I went down to park it properly. You would not believe the state of my car. There is mud up to the fenders, and the inside is a nightmare. There's cigarette butts all over the floor, empty coke flaps and crack baggies, empty and full beer cans everywhere, mud all over the floor, the contents of the glove compartment strewn all over the floor, and a wad of kleenex that had been set on fire (????????) sitting behind the driver's seat. It also looked like there had been someone else in the car with him as the passenger side door had been left unlocked on that side and, just to top it off, the door handle is broken off. I feel disgusted and totally disrespected.
Do you want to know the craziest thing in all this? As I was asking him about what had happened ( and I had quite a few questions) I was actually worried that he would think that I suspected him of being with another woman as his ex-girlfriend used to accuse him of that all the time!!!!!!!!!
What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I continuously put other people's feelings ahead of my own?
This is the first time that I truly believe that he is lying to me, as he's NEVER told me a story like this one until today.
What a way to start the holiday weekend.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
So sorry Margo
I thought Easter brought us cute little baby chicks, not drunken quacking ducks. I think you should demand a refund.
I guess we all live and learn. Maybe you had to live through this to realize that he is not to be trusted with your car. And on the bright side, he didn't total it, or hurt himself or anyone else with it.
Putting other people's feelings ahead of our own is a HARD habit to break. Especially when we have spent years doing it. Maybe you should write a letter to yourself about how you are feeling right now. That way, if you are ever tempted to step into a similar situation, you can remind yourself what the consequences where when you did it the last time.
I hope that you can manage to find some Easter joy for yourself. It's a season of new beginnings, so ANYTHING is possible. Hugs and big chocolate bunnies to you.
Peace,
Gabe
I guess we all live and learn. Maybe you had to live through this to realize that he is not to be trusted with your car. And on the bright side, he didn't total it, or hurt himself or anyone else with it.
Putting other people's feelings ahead of our own is a HARD habit to break. Especially when we have spent years doing it. Maybe you should write a letter to yourself about how you are feeling right now. That way, if you are ever tempted to step into a similar situation, you can remind yourself what the consequences where when you did it the last time.
I hope that you can manage to find some Easter joy for yourself. It's a season of new beginnings, so ANYTHING is possible. Hugs and big chocolate bunnies to you.
Peace,
Gabe
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
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(((((Gabe))))) God love ya, girl - you had me laughing so hard with the baby chicks versus drunken ducks thing I had tears streaming down my face 
You quite right about the looking at the bright side of it - I'd thought of that, too. They say God looks out for children and drunks and I guess he was working overtime last night. I am truly thankful that no-one was hurt - cars can be replaced - people can't.
I've never had a reason not to trust him with my car until now, but you are so right with "live and learn." I like the letter writing idea, Gabe, and I'll give it a go.
Easter blessing to you, too, Gabe, and thanks for helping me to laugh today!
Love and hugs.
You quite right about the looking at the bright side of it - I'd thought of that, too. They say God looks out for children and drunks and I guess he was working overtime last night. I am truly thankful that no-one was hurt - cars can be replaced - people can't.I've never had a reason not to trust him with my car until now, but you are so right with "live and learn." I like the letter writing idea, Gabe, and I'll give it a go.
Easter blessing to you, too, Gabe, and thanks for helping me to laugh today!
Love and hugs.
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
What is it about holiday's anyway??
I have written letters too and it is can be really theraputic. I have written letters TO my son getting it all out and as reminders of where I have been.
Well my guess is you will be keeping the keys for a while. What a mess. My first husband was so drunk at a bar that his friends let the air out of MY tires so he wouldn't drive. He drove home on flat tires and parked in the yard. I had just started to go to alanon ( I didn't keep it up that time) and left the car where it was until he got up.
Hugs,
JT
I have written letters too and it is can be really theraputic. I have written letters TO my son getting it all out and as reminders of where I have been.
Well my guess is you will be keeping the keys for a while. What a mess. My first husband was so drunk at a bar that his friends let the air out of MY tires so he wouldn't drive. He drove home on flat tires and parked in the yard. I had just started to go to alanon ( I didn't keep it up that time) and left the car where it was until he got up.
Hugs,
JT
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444
((((Margo))))
I know how it is to feel disrespected and violated! So frustrating!
It doesn't take much of an excuse for them to "party hearty"--a holiday is just as good an excuse as any--even if it is a holy weekend.
You're in my prayers, and I pray that you found some peace this Easter Day.
Love,
Lyn
It doesn't take much of an excuse for them to "party hearty"--a holiday is just as good an excuse as any--even if it is a holy weekend.
You're in my prayers, and I pray that you found some peace this Easter Day.
Love,
Lyn
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Margo My heart is with you, I am so sorry that your Holiday started off with such downer. But I have to agree that it could have been much worse so there is a brighter side.
Holidays of any kind seem to be a silent call to all the addicts out there to come out and play. Regardless if it is a Holy Day or not.
Hang in there tomorrow will be a brighter day!
Holidays of any kind seem to be a silent call to all the addicts out there to come out and play. Regardless if it is a Holy Day or not.
Hang in there tomorrow will be a brighter day!
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
Well, the story continues. He was supposed to pick me up a pack of cigarettes on his trip to the store that night (15 minutes max) and of course when he came home 8 hours later he'd forgotten them. I certainly wasn't driving anywhere until I had a clean car, so I smoked some of his. When he got up, he saw this, called me a f****** c*** and threw the package at me. After a few more choice words, he says that maybe it's time we went our separate ways (this is the pattern, as MG pointed out recently - he uses, feels guilty, and then tries to make it all about me). Well, that was it for me - at that moment I had reached the point where I knew that I would not put up with being disrespected by him any longer and I said to him "I think you're right." He's played this game with me in the past and all I've done is to get very upset and try to smooth things out, but not this time. And I knew at that moment that no matter how much love I have for him that I could live without him, that I didn't need him, and that I could enjoy my life and rebuild it without him. I sat down and figured out the exact amount of all the bills each month and saw that I could do it on my own, although it would be extremely difficult, but do-able. It was a very empowering experience. Interestingly, I wasn't feeling any extremes of emotion - I actually felt quite calm, almost detached. I can't tell you how good it felt! It really hit home that no matter how many good times we have had together, and no matter how many good qualities he has (and there are plenty), that none of it was worth a damn in comparison to finally making a stand for myself. About 10 minutes later he asked me to come and sit down and talk with him (a first under these circumstances), which I did, and we talked for a while and made our peace. These situations have always ended so differently before - him threatening to leave and being an ass, me crying and trying to make things better, him feeling like he has the upper hand, and the rest of the day ruined. I won't allow that to happen anymore. He can do his drugs and drink his alcohol, but I will not let the fallout affect me in such a way again.
I want to thank you all for your support and kind words. As Gabe said, Easter is a season of new beginnings and this feels like a new beginning for me. I realize that there will be problems down the road as long as he continues to use, but I have a new sense of strength inside and nothing can take that from me.
Love and hugs to you all.
PS: Oh yeah, forgot to mention - I have a sparkly clean car in the driveway
I want to thank you all for your support and kind words. As Gabe said, Easter is a season of new beginnings and this feels like a new beginning for me. I realize that there will be problems down the road as long as he continues to use, but I have a new sense of strength inside and nothing can take that from me.
Love and hugs to you all.
PS: Oh yeah, forgot to mention - I have a sparkly clean car in the driveway
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Margo
I don't know how I missed this post yesterday, but please know that my heart and prayers go out for you. That must have been quite the kick in the stomach for you.
And I want to add - YESSSS!!!! You go girl!!! The way you have picked yourself back up is simply remarkable. I think that each of us has an "ENOUGH" point, sometimes it is just some little thing that puts us there and sometimes it is a night like you had, but when we get there, say "enough", put the brakes on and make a plan, we have turned a corner that only takes us to someplace good.
Knowing that you can make it on your own is having already won the battle. Now the ball is in your court, your life belongs to you again, and you can do whatever you CHOOSE to do, when you choose to do it.
I'm sending huge hugs and your CD of "I Will Survive" is in the mail
I don't know how I missed this post yesterday, but please know that my heart and prayers go out for you. That must have been quite the kick in the stomach for you.
And I want to add - YESSSS!!!! You go girl!!! The way you have picked yourself back up is simply remarkable. I think that each of us has an "ENOUGH" point, sometimes it is just some little thing that puts us there and sometimes it is a night like you had, but when we get there, say "enough", put the brakes on and make a plan, we have turned a corner that only takes us to someplace good.
Knowing that you can make it on your own is having already won the battle. Now the ball is in your court, your life belongs to you again, and you can do whatever you CHOOSE to do, when you choose to do it.
I'm sending huge hugs and your CD of "I Will Survive" is in the mail
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
THREE CHEERS FOR MARGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yea for you!!! You have drawn the line and I am so happy for you. You deserve better Margo and I'm so glad that you are taking the steps to get it.
Stay on course, Margo, and keep putting yourself first now! Better days are coming. I can see them for you...
Love,
Hangin' In
Yea for you!!! You have drawn the line and I am so happy for you. You deserve better Margo and I'm so glad that you are taking the steps to get it.
Stay on course, Margo, and keep putting yourself first now! Better days are coming. I can see them for you...
Love,
Hangin' In
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
(((((Group hug))))) Thank you all so much for your replies - it brings tears to my eyes to know you are all out there and sending your love and support my way. You guys are absolutely awesome - I don't know what I'd do without ya'll!
Constant - I'm practicing my southern drawl - does your hubby have a single friend with a Harley? A road trip sounds like just the ticket!
Love and hugs to you all.
Constant - I'm practicing my southern drawl - does your hubby have a single friend with a Harley? A road trip sounds like just the ticket!
Love and hugs to you all.
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