Detox #10

Old 02-17-2007, 06:43 PM
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Detox #10

This week....
Monday I thought he was in jail - no he was still home. He called about 9 p.m. wanted to know if we (kids & I) could come over. "NO!" duh
Tuesday -he called about 6. could we come over? After supper we could. He just wanted to kiss me, hug me... etc. I told him to spend time with his kids not me. When he wouldn't kids & I left.
Wednesday - he called hadn't worked all week. He said - when can he come home?
Thursday - I called him- there was a message on the phone from the county- they wanted him to come down and sign some papers for probation (I think they wanted him to do his 2 days in jail)
Friday - wanted to know what we were doing tomorrow. & when can he come home?
This morning he called at 8:13 a.m. everyone was sleeping in. So he 'let me get back to sleep' and I did - until 9:30 a.m - I love Saturday mornings.
Kids and I were gone most of the afternoon. At 5:00 p.m. my son answers the phone and talked to dad - when he handed me the phone my son said "It's dad but the caller id said unknown caller"
Well I found out why. He checked into the hospital for detox AGAIN!!! Let's see it's been 7/04, 8/05, 9/05, 10/05, 12/05, 2/06, 5/06, 7/06, 9/06, 2/07 (+ the time that he crashed his car and basically detoxed in a halo without meds - but it'd only been 2 days since his last detox so it probably wasn't that bad.) And he's been in the hospital overnight for a neck surgery in 7/06 too- but he was sober for that.
I'm the only one he called. He wanted me to call the guy he was working for to let him know where he was. Dummy me I did - probably didn't need to, he hadn't been working for 2 1/2 - 3 weeks anyway. It was just a as needed job anyway though. AH didn't even call his mom or brother or anyone - just me.
I let AH know on the phone that this didn't change anything. I am still going through with the big D anyway. He said he knew but that he couldn't continue like he was. I told him duh - I've been waiting for the funeral - I may have said it nicer than that - but I let him know that I knew he's heading for death.
I called his brother who lives a block away and told him where AH was. I told my bro-in-law I didn't really want to call AH at the hosp and I don't have the security # anymore anyway to get thru. Bro-in-law agreed, and he would try calling his mother & sister so they knew.
My son (8) asked about his dad - I told him he was in the hospital again, for the same thing he always goes there for. Son went right on playing with his toys and watching tv. It's like it doesn't affect him anymore - well I guess AH is not staying at home anyway -so of course he's used to dad not being here.
It is a little nicer just watching the roller coaster, or being on the baby coaster vs. the way it was on the death defying coaster.
...

M-in-law just stopped in - bro-in-law had called her and told her.
& then AH called as she was here. He wanted me to write down the phone # there so I could call him. I told him no - I didn't want to call him, what did he want. He just wanted to talk - I told him I didn't want to waste my money (long distance) and time calling him - I didn't have anything to say - and he'd never pay me back anyway. Oh my - writing that I sounded so mean.
M-in law wanted the number though - so I wrote it down and gave it to her.

Was I too mean? I told him the other day when he wanted to come home - that I loved him but I couldn't/wouldn't live with him anymore. And one more chance wasn't an option anymore.
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Old 02-17-2007, 06:48 PM
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Well, you've told him how it is. That doesn't mean that you were being mean. You were just being honest. And there is nothing wrong with you sticking to your boundaries and following through on what you know is best for you and the kids.
Don't start second guessing yourself now.
I think you're doing just fine.
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Old 02-17-2007, 07:33 PM
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Is his insurance paying for this???

My AH has federal govt. BC/BS and it's darn good coverage, but after three rehabs they said that was the limit. You can't blame a person for trying, but it sounds as if he's abusing the system. He's taking up bed space of someone who may really be serious about recovery.

I'm glad you are filing for divorce. It sounds as if you've been dragged through he** and back with his nonsense!!!
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Old 02-17-2007, 07:54 PM
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The first 2 times were covered by insurance. And what wasn't was covered by Title 19 (thanks all you taxpayers). After the first 2 detoxs he lost his job and lost insurance coverage. The other times we got a spenddown (like a deductible) with Title 19 - and I've had to apply for financial aid with the hospitals - so far one has approved it/written off what wasn't covered by Title 19. Still getting bill collection notices from the other hospital- until I hear back.
That's what I spend my free time doing is applying for financial aid (as if working 40-45 hours a week isn't enough & driving kids everywhere etc.). I wouldn't still be doing it but for the fact that we are still married (until we go to court officially in July) the law, I've been told, still can and does hold me responsible for the bills. And I can't afford to pay them. I added up one day how much all the hospital bills have been (before insurance), and these are just the ones I know about it's over $150,000.

One of the Drs one time told him why are you here? It's better for you to keep drinking than to try to detox. Detox is hard on the body. One hospital did tell him to go home - of course they gave him a prescription for an addictive anti-anxiety med - ativan, and told him to see the mental health office the next day to talk with his therapist - did he - NO.
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Old 02-17-2007, 10:16 PM
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You have some extremely difficult, major life decisions to make. I'd say to heck with applying for one single cent more of financial aid for this goof. As for the back-owed money, you are in an equity state. That means the debt cannot be divided 50/50 as it could be in a community property state. Have you seen an attorney about ways to lessen or expunge this debt? This guy is abusing the system and you should take measures to see to it that you are not financially destroyed by his folly.
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Old 02-18-2007, 05:24 AM
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criss-cross....i think you are married to my xh...only kidding. mine would do this same crap. it was always a last ditch effort to get back in. and i was the only one he ever, ever called, too. that is because i was his number one enabler.

when i divorced mine the first time, i had to file bankruptcy on all of his medical bills. and every single thing i filed on were his bills from all his detoxes, treatment centers, etc.

i'm so sorry you are going through all this crap. and it is crap. mine never stopped the quacking and manipulating, which sounds like yours, too.

my xh has now been through at least 25-30 detoxes, half-way homes, treatment centers, mental health extended stay centers, psych wards, and any thing else you can think of. he never entered any of them until he was homeless, or court ordered.

you could probably say the meanest things on the planet earth to your husband, and it would not matter......mine had the cleverest ear filters and would hear only the key words that he would zone in on....words that sounded to him like he had a chance back in. i could have said anything, and it would not have been heard except what he wanted to hear.

for instance, i could have said to him.....honey, i've just returned from having an afternoon love fest with three men....but i love you to death.

what he would have heard was.....i love you to the end and will always provide you a home, food, and money, amen. you are the man, baby. forever and ever.
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