Oh my God, my husband is never coming home...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 3
Oh my God, my husband is never coming home...
Oh my God, I got a call Friday about noon. My husband and his so-called friend tipped the boat over about midnight Thur night and they can't find my Husband!! Divers searched all afternoon, people walked the shoreline, no sign of him. It's a big lake he fishes on, sometimes people are never found.
I knew when I heard that Doug was with him that it was a bad thing. He had sworn never to see Doug again and I know the only thing Doug could have done to win him back was offer him pills. I know him well enough to know that they were likely both completely wasted when that boat went over. And hubby's life jacket is here at the house, he is usually so anal about taking it and wearing it, but I think this fishing trip was more about the pills than fishing so he didn't pack as carefully as he usually does. He's tipped the boat before when he'd been on pills (he thought it was just random bad luck) but always made it to hore - guess he had the life vest on those times. I don't know if Doug had a vest on, but he made it to shore and didnt even go for help until daylight 6 hours or so later. Probably too stoned to find the road.
I can't even begin to tell you all the thoughts running through my head. Why him and not Doug?? Will my daughter remember him (she's almost 3)? If I had told him where the pills were that day would he have been too wasted to go fishing and still be with us? Should I have checked his gear and made sure he took that life vest? What if they don't find him? ... what if they do? And what will we do without him? Even despite his problems I always felt lucky to have him and knew the baby was lucky to have him home with her every day.
Well, Sat. morning they resume the search, but don't really expect to find him okay. Family starts to arrive and his cousin is bringing his truck and boat back from the lake - without him. I think it will be hard to see that truck here and know he's not with it. Even after this long day talking to the police and all the people who called to find out what's going on, there's a part of my brain that needs to believe that it's not really happening and he's just out fishing still. He'll walk in and apologize for putting me through another trauma and promise it'll never happen again. But I know the only truth in that is that it will never happen again. He'll never come home, never be okay, never know how good life could have been if he'd only gotten help for his problems. At least I take comfort in knowing that he did love us both completely, he knew how much I loved him, he appreciated all I did and put p with for him, and he gave our daughter a great, loving start in life. She's the happiest kid you'll ever meet, smart and sweet and it's largely due to him.
I am so glad I found alanon and these boards before this happened. It helps me know that I couldn't have controlled him or what happened. I wonder if I should have done something different, but I know that I did the best I could and it was ultimately his decision to see Doug and take the pills and go on the lake without his life vest. Now I'm angry that he did that and I'm devasted at losing him and I'm sad at facing life without his love and his touch and his loving care. But I don't have to torture myself with thinking I failed him because I couldn't stop his using, and that's a big thing.
Please pray for us, we've got a tough road ahead. MariposaTx
I knew when I heard that Doug was with him that it was a bad thing. He had sworn never to see Doug again and I know the only thing Doug could have done to win him back was offer him pills. I know him well enough to know that they were likely both completely wasted when that boat went over. And hubby's life jacket is here at the house, he is usually so anal about taking it and wearing it, but I think this fishing trip was more about the pills than fishing so he didn't pack as carefully as he usually does. He's tipped the boat before when he'd been on pills (he thought it was just random bad luck) but always made it to hore - guess he had the life vest on those times. I don't know if Doug had a vest on, but he made it to shore and didnt even go for help until daylight 6 hours or so later. Probably too stoned to find the road.
I can't even begin to tell you all the thoughts running through my head. Why him and not Doug?? Will my daughter remember him (she's almost 3)? If I had told him where the pills were that day would he have been too wasted to go fishing and still be with us? Should I have checked his gear and made sure he took that life vest? What if they don't find him? ... what if they do? And what will we do without him? Even despite his problems I always felt lucky to have him and knew the baby was lucky to have him home with her every day.
Well, Sat. morning they resume the search, but don't really expect to find him okay. Family starts to arrive and his cousin is bringing his truck and boat back from the lake - without him. I think it will be hard to see that truck here and know he's not with it. Even after this long day talking to the police and all the people who called to find out what's going on, there's a part of my brain that needs to believe that it's not really happening and he's just out fishing still. He'll walk in and apologize for putting me through another trauma and promise it'll never happen again. But I know the only truth in that is that it will never happen again. He'll never come home, never be okay, never know how good life could have been if he'd only gotten help for his problems. At least I take comfort in knowing that he did love us both completely, he knew how much I loved him, he appreciated all I did and put p with for him, and he gave our daughter a great, loving start in life. She's the happiest kid you'll ever meet, smart and sweet and it's largely due to him.
I am so glad I found alanon and these boards before this happened. It helps me know that I couldn't have controlled him or what happened. I wonder if I should have done something different, but I know that I did the best I could and it was ultimately his decision to see Doug and take the pills and go on the lake without his life vest. Now I'm angry that he did that and I'm devasted at losing him and I'm sad at facing life without his love and his touch and his loving care. But I don't have to torture myself with thinking I failed him because I couldn't stop his using, and that's a big thing.
Please pray for us, we've got a tough road ahead. MariposaTx
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
((((Mariposa))))) I feel knocked off my feet after reading your post and I wish I had something profound that I could say to help you at this time. Do you have someone, a friend or family member, with you and your daughter right now, and does the police department have a Victim Services branch that can assist you with anything you need? I can't imagine the terror that you are going through right now. Please don't give up hope for your husband. I'm so glad that you've reached out to us here so that we may help you in any way we can. There will be many prayers coming your way for you, your husband, and your daughter.
I will be thinking of you so much today. Please let us know how you're doing as you can.
My love, thoughts, and prayers are with you.
I will be thinking of you so much today. Please let us know how you're doing as you can.
My love, thoughts, and prayers are with you.
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
******{Mariposa}}}}
I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now. I hope you do have someone with you to lean on. You and your family will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers.
Please let us know how you are doing if you are able.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now. I hope you do have someone with you to lean on. You and your family will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers.
Please let us know how you are doing if you are able.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Dreaming Summer
Posts: 821
You and your family are in my prayers.I know all too well how painful these things are and how impossible it is not to hang on to hope even when there seems not to be any.No matter the outcome,your husband is in the palm of God's hand...and so are you.Take care.
phoenix
phoenix
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 10
(((((((Mariposa)))))))
I related to your story so well. Last night marked a week of my husband being gone due to crack. The last time he used in Oct 2002, I took him to two different doctors who told him the next time of using, he may die. So I was driving around last night trying to find him finally, with no luck. All I could think of was if he had not contacted me already, then it's possible he was probably already dead.
I feel your pain, and today, I am giving all energy to send out my prayers to you and your family. I pray they find your husband. I can tell you really love him.
Hugs,
Marissa
P.S. I also want to thank you for saying that we can not control the using. I have learned finally that I can't control what my husband feels or what he does...
I related to your story so well. Last night marked a week of my husband being gone due to crack. The last time he used in Oct 2002, I took him to two different doctors who told him the next time of using, he may die. So I was driving around last night trying to find him finally, with no luck. All I could think of was if he had not contacted me already, then it's possible he was probably already dead.
I feel your pain, and today, I am giving all energy to send out my prayers to you and your family. I pray they find your husband. I can tell you really love him.
Hugs,
Marissa
P.S. I also want to thank you for saying that we can not control the using. I have learned finally that I can't control what my husband feels or what he does...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
****{Mariposa}}}
Nothing I say could adequately express the sadness I feel for you and for what you are going through.
My prayers go out that you may have the strength to get through this and that God will watch over all of you.
Just know that we care and are praying fo you.
Nothing I say could adequately express the sadness I feel for you and for what you are going through.
My prayers go out that you may have the strength to get through this and that God will watch over all of you.
Just know that we care and are praying fo you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 3
Thank you for the prayers...
It is Sat. night and they haven't found anything. My best friend since college rushed over and brought us food and stayed with me overnight and until my mom and sister made it here. She was a godsend, watched the baby while I talked to relatives on the phone, fed all the animals, walked the dog, gave the baby her bath and made sure I ate and tried to sleep. Today another friend came over with her little girl and they helped my mom and sister color eggs for the baby's Easter tomorrow. Hubby's family will be in late tonight. Our daughter hasn't realized yet that daddy isn't home yet, she's used to him going away for weekends of fishing. I thought it would be best for all of us if we go through with the holiday for her. The alternative is to sit around and worry and brood.
I'm beginning to prepare myself for the possiblity they won't find him. I have only one comfort and that was the time he told me he'd asked Jesus into his heart. I have to trust in God, know he's free of his demons now and is finally happy and at peace. I was taking a walk this morning, thinking about how he loved the outdoors and I started humming a song from Christian radio that says "God is in control". And I realized that He was, and that meant there HAD to be a reason for all this. God didn't put Hubby in that lake, that was his own doing, but He could certainly have gotten him out if He'd wanted to. Then it hit me that I have to trust that God knows why this is happening, even if we can't. We're like a child who gets a shot and doesn't know why his mom would let the doctor hurt him. The child can't understand but the parent can and the child has to trust that what seems like torture to him has a purpose if his parent is letting it happen. I don't hurt less, but I don't suffer as much knowing God is in control and hubby is finally happy.
Thank you all for the prayers, we need them and appreciate them. Maybe my revelation above was in answer to your prayers. Who knows? But whether hubby comes out of this or not, I will keep coming here and appreciate all your kind thoughts and prayers. MariposaTx
I'm beginning to prepare myself for the possiblity they won't find him. I have only one comfort and that was the time he told me he'd asked Jesus into his heart. I have to trust in God, know he's free of his demons now and is finally happy and at peace. I was taking a walk this morning, thinking about how he loved the outdoors and I started humming a song from Christian radio that says "God is in control". And I realized that He was, and that meant there HAD to be a reason for all this. God didn't put Hubby in that lake, that was his own doing, but He could certainly have gotten him out if He'd wanted to. Then it hit me that I have to trust that God knows why this is happening, even if we can't. We're like a child who gets a shot and doesn't know why his mom would let the doctor hurt him. The child can't understand but the parent can and the child has to trust that what seems like torture to him has a purpose if his parent is letting it happen. I don't hurt less, but I don't suffer as much knowing God is in control and hubby is finally happy.
Thank you all for the prayers, we need them and appreciate them. Maybe my revelation above was in answer to your prayers. Who knows? But whether hubby comes out of this or not, I will keep coming here and appreciate all your kind thoughts and prayers. MariposaTx
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
((((Maripose))))
It's Saturday night, and my heart aches for you as tears roll down my face. I am so very sorry for your pain. Just know that there are many friends here that are praying for you and hurting with you. May God continue to put a hedge around you and your daughter and give you peace and comfort.
Please let us know how you are frequently. With blessings prayed for you, Washbe
It's Saturday night, and my heart aches for you as tears roll down my face. I am so very sorry for your pain. Just know that there are many friends here that are praying for you and hurting with you. May God continue to put a hedge around you and your daughter and give you peace and comfort.
Please let us know how you are frequently. With blessings prayed for you, Washbe
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Mariposa,
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I lost my husband when my kids were one and three. I know what you must be feeling. If the worst has happened I know from experience that God takes very special care of widows and their children.
There is nothing you could have done differently to prevent this. I have to believe that God always has a plan in all of our circumstances.
We'll be here for you.
Hugs,
MG
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I lost my husband when my kids were one and three. I know what you must be feeling. If the worst has happened I know from experience that God takes very special care of widows and their children.
There is nothing you could have done differently to prevent this. I have to believe that God always has a plan in all of our circumstances.
We'll be here for you.
Hugs,
MG
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Colorado
Posts: 161
Mariposa!
Oh my god....... I do not even know what to say.
Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and I am sure if all of us on this board could be at your house at this moment - we would be there in a heartbeat! (one great thing about all of us co-dependants and care givers - we respond REALLY WELL in a crisis!)
I am SO sorry for your loss and it strikes at the heart of our board when one of community looses someone that they love.
If there is anything you need - we are here for you on the board and through the private messaging feature of the board.....Don't hesitate to call on anyone of us!
Let us know how you are doing as time permits!
LOVE YOU!
Ogly
Oh my god....... I do not even know what to say.
Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and I am sure if all of us on this board could be at your house at this moment - we would be there in a heartbeat! (one great thing about all of us co-dependants and care givers - we respond REALLY WELL in a crisis!)
I am SO sorry for your loss and it strikes at the heart of our board when one of community looses someone that they love.
If there is anything you need - we are here for you on the board and through the private messaging feature of the board.....Don't hesitate to call on anyone of us!
Let us know how you are doing as time permits!
LOVE YOU!
Ogly
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 3
They have found his body...
They have found hubby's body. I am crushed that my slim hopes are dashed, but glad that he is found and we can give him a proper good-bye. My daughter still has no idea what has happened, I hate this most for her but will do all I can to let her know what a wonderful man her father was. One day, when she'd old enough, I will tell her the whole truth, but the pill use was only one part of this great guy. Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement. They truly do help. -MariposaTx
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