AH going to court for DUI, I am so afraid, what can we expect
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: salt lake city, utah
Posts: 4
AH going to court for DUI, I am so afraid, what can we expect
He didnt get in an accident. He parked outside of my home and was passed out so a neighbor saw him and called the cops. They took him in the ambulance to the hospital where I spent 8 hours with him until he was sober enough to get him home. The next morning he begged me to take him to detox and start him in rehab. He was scared to death and ready to change.
He is now 60+ days sober and has completed his rehab and has been actively going to 2 AA meetings a week.
The DMV sent us a letter telling us they were not pursuing charges and to come and pick up his lisence. We where even reembursed the impound fees from them taking our car.
So no civil action was taken.
Now we just got word that the criminal court want him to appear on the seventh of March to hear his charges.
I am so scared of what will happen. I dont know what to expect at all.
He has never even gotten a speeding ticket in his life and never been in trouble with the law.
This has been a life changing experience for him and I know he will not ever do this again. I pray he wont and dont believe he ever would.
Can anyone give me any kind of info as to what to expect.
We are going to see an attorney next week but my anxiety is driving me crazy.
I just need some sort of idea what to expect so I can be prepared
Help me please
He is now 60+ days sober and has completed his rehab and has been actively going to 2 AA meetings a week.
The DMV sent us a letter telling us they were not pursuing charges and to come and pick up his lisence. We where even reembursed the impound fees from them taking our car.
So no civil action was taken.
Now we just got word that the criminal court want him to appear on the seventh of March to hear his charges.
I am so scared of what will happen. I dont know what to expect at all.
He has never even gotten a speeding ticket in his life and never been in trouble with the law.
This has been a life changing experience for him and I know he will not ever do this again. I pray he wont and dont believe he ever would.
Can anyone give me any kind of info as to what to expect.
We are going to see an attorney next week but my anxiety is driving me crazy.
I just need some sort of idea what to expect so I can be prepared
Help me please
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
I don't know about Utah, but it's really no biggie in NY. Six month license suspension, required drinking and driving classes, a fine. Here it's actually a violation, not even a misdemeanor.
The thing is that he can't screw up again because they let you off relatively easy on the first one, but unleash unholy hell on you if it ever happens again. and for God's sake he better not drive while he's not supposed to. They get real POed about that too.
The thing is that he can't screw up again because they let you off relatively easy on the first one, but unleash unholy hell on you if it ever happens again. and for God's sake he better not drive while he's not supposed to. They get real POed about that too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
Well, don't forget to bring your pocketbook full of cash because it will cost you. He will lose his license or get a conditional one. He'll pay a fine and have to take classes. They may put a breathalizer in his car and a tracking device if he gets a conditional license. If he screws up any part of the conditions, they will come down like a hammer. The courts just aren't putting up with it much anymore, too many people have screwed up the chances they have been given. Yes, In NY it is a felony. If it's his first one, he may get it reduced. It will cost him tons in lawyer fees.
His sobriety probably won't impress a judge as most people who get a DWI go into court sober and remorseful.
His sobriety probably won't impress a judge as most people who get a DWI go into court sober and remorseful.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
Posts: 415
Hey CindyLoo. I hope your situation with AH continues to look bright. I'd love to read about a happy ending.
I know you feel bad for your AH, but it seems like this charge has helped wake him up and get sober. So really it can be seen as a blessing.
If this changes his life, well then our criminal justice system is doing something right.
I know you feel bad for your AH, but it seems like this charge has helped wake him up and get sober. So really it can be seen as a blessing.
If this changes his life, well then our criminal justice system is doing something right.
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
I couldn't fnd much about Utah, but here's a link to the NY DMV. http://www.nydmv.state.ny.us/dmvfaqs.htm Halfway down there is a faq about DWI. The first offense, if a DWAI, is not a felony, it's a violation. Now first time DWI - that's a misdemeanor. You don't get into felony terrority yet unless someone is harmed in an accident.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Not Sure Yet
Posts: 27
Depending on your state the rules may be different. Just a word to the wise. What ever fine HE gets make sure HE keeps his payments up or pay it off if HE can. AH ended up in jail for non payment of his fines. I refused to make the payments for him, He wouldnt do it either, his truck broke down and they halled him away. He was so mad at me. Of course it was my fauilt he ended up in jail. Best thing I ever did. Not easy explaining to my daugher why her father was in jail. But it taught him a lesson he will never forget. And the best of the best. is he had a pair of jungle print underwear on he had to wear for a week. Of course it was my fault his tighty whiteys were in the wash. I still giggle to this day when I think of it. But did it stop him from drinking Heck No.
First thing he did when he walked in the door. I could have kicked myself for the worried week I had. Live and Learn!!
First thing he did when he walked in the door. I could have kicked myself for the worried week I had. Live and Learn!!
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Originally Posted by cindyloo 
This has been a life changing experience for him and I know he will not ever do this again. I pray he wont and dont believe he ever would.
First - let me say that I hate you are going thru this difficult time - I'm sending out prayers & good thoughts that you will have the peace & serenity that comes from the God of your understanding.
Second, I just wanted to say, sweetie, all the recovering A's that I have heard speak say that they try to not say "never do that again" or "I'll never drink again", because the don't have that luxury. My AH just celebrated 4 yrs sobriety. I don't think I will ever have the feeling that I "believe he will never drink, use or drive under the influence again", because of his disease.
It's not so much that I live in a negative place, but in a realistic place. He and all other A's suffer will never be cured. The disease will always "call unto them" wanting them to come back to their addictions. It does not excuse their behaviors, it should only make them want to continue a strong recovery program to help fight off the disease.
Most of all I wanted to say - that mainly what happens to him in court is about him. I would love to say it doesn't affect you, but I know that it probably will. But the majority of the consequences of this should fall on him - not you. Please try to take care of yourself - let him handle the situation. It's HIS court date, not yours. It's his DUI, not yours.
Wishing you a day of peace,
Rita
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Hello,
Honestly, I am not sure what you can expect, but most important is to let this be his issue. Its not yours to handle or fix.
Honestly, I am not sure what you can expect, but most important is to let this be his issue. Its not yours to handle or fix.
Please try to take care of yourself - let him handle the situation. It's HIS court date, not yours. It's his DUI, not yours.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Santa Rosa, CA
Posts: 34
You don't need to expect anything. It's not your problem, it's his. Any punishment will be his to deal with, not you.
My AH was found passed out in his car many, many times and taken to the ER, treated and released. On 3 occasions, they busted him for public drunkeness. He only had to pay a fine and attend "classes" on alcoholism and attend a certain number of AA meetings. No suspension or restrictions on his license.
The last arrest they found him passed out in his car half in our driveway and half in the street with the keys in the ignition. They tried to get him on a DUI but the DA didn't think it would hold because the car wasn't running. So they charged him with drunk in public.
The courts will probably take into account his rehab work and attending AA meetings and just may require a signed sheet from the AA meeting for a few months or so.
Good luck,
Karen
My AH was found passed out in his car many, many times and taken to the ER, treated and released. On 3 occasions, they busted him for public drunkeness. He only had to pay a fine and attend "classes" on alcoholism and attend a certain number of AA meetings. No suspension or restrictions on his license.
The last arrest they found him passed out in his car half in our driveway and half in the street with the keys in the ignition. They tried to get him on a DUI but the DA didn't think it would hold because the car wasn't running. So they charged him with drunk in public.
The courts will probably take into account his rehab work and attending AA meetings and just may require a signed sheet from the AA meeting for a few months or so.
Good luck,
Karen
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 773
M.A.D.D. seem to raise the consequences of drinking and driving every here.
In Illinois, the first DUI is usually "conditionally discharge" basically a slap on the wrist. The second DUI becomes a conviction and the penalties greatly increase. The third DUI is upgraded to a aggravated "DUI, a felony." Although you will probably still not get any jail time. I know from experience.
In Illinois, the first DUI is usually "conditionally discharge" basically a slap on the wrist. The second DUI becomes a conviction and the penalties greatly increase. The third DUI is upgraded to a aggravated "DUI, a felony." Although you will probably still not get any jail time. I know from experience.
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
I should clarify .. legally it's not that big a deal. It should be a big deal to you though. The papers are full of people with multiple offenses. When our spouses drive drunk they put the public, themselves AND YOU at risk. He risks everything you have now and will ever earn. As long as you are tied to him legally, you stand as a potential target for some very nasty consequences.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: salt lake city, utah
Posts: 4
wantsout....what do you mean by nasty consequences?
Do you mean credit wise? insurance? What? I have been with this man for 27 years. He just started abusing in the last year. 4 kid with him 21, 18, 16 and 15 months old. I am a stay at home mother and have been for 21 years and very committed to it. How do I walk away now. He is trying and I believe it will never happen again. I am behind him but am working on taking care of myself too. Been to individual counseling and reading "co-dependent no more" Trust me I am setting my boundries.
I just need to know what might be in store for my husband and our family financially and emotionally.
Any ideas?
I just need to know what might be in store for my husband and our family financially and emotionally.
Any ideas?
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
Well, this incident is going to be expensive. First there's the lawyer. Then there are the fees. Then there are the fines. Then there is the probably license suspension which means he won't be able to drive for at least 6 months. And don't forget the sky high insurance rates your family will have to pay now.
What I meant by you being at risk for some nasty consequences was - what if he does it again and hurts or kills someone? You're liable too.
Here's a story about a woman who got her first DUI in 2003. Then in 2006 she got a DWI with her kids in the car. While she was on a suspended license from that incident she drove drunk again and this time killed a priest who was walking on the street she lived on. Notice that her husband is estranged. He filed for divorce after she killed the priest. A bit like closing the barn door after the horse has run out, ey? http://www.newsday.com/news/local/lo...news-headlines
Just three years it took for her to get from dui to vehicular manslaughter.
What happens when your spouse harms or kills someone in a car while they are drunk? They go to jail, yes, but you both get sued. You get sued for way more than your car insurance provides for. So they seize and sell your house. And it's still not enough. So they garnish your and his wages until it is paid off, which could take decades.
I know people sometimes sound melodramatic on these boards, but that's cause we've seen a lot. A DUI should make you wonder if you are safe being attached to him legally and financially. That doesn't mean I think you should march out the door and never look back like some 70s girlpower movie. It means that if he doesn't seem to be recovering, one of your many considerations must be your legal and financial future.
What I meant by you being at risk for some nasty consequences was - what if he does it again and hurts or kills someone? You're liable too.
Here's a story about a woman who got her first DUI in 2003. Then in 2006 she got a DWI with her kids in the car. While she was on a suspended license from that incident she drove drunk again and this time killed a priest who was walking on the street she lived on. Notice that her husband is estranged. He filed for divorce after she killed the priest. A bit like closing the barn door after the horse has run out, ey? http://www.newsday.com/news/local/lo...news-headlines
Just three years it took for her to get from dui to vehicular manslaughter.
What happens when your spouse harms or kills someone in a car while they are drunk? They go to jail, yes, but you both get sued. You get sued for way more than your car insurance provides for. So they seize and sell your house. And it's still not enough. So they garnish your and his wages until it is paid off, which could take decades.
I know people sometimes sound melodramatic on these boards, but that's cause we've seen a lot. A DUI should make you wonder if you are safe being attached to him legally and financially. That doesn't mean I think you should march out the door and never look back like some 70s girlpower movie. It means that if he doesn't seem to be recovering, one of your many considerations must be your legal and financial future.
Getting out of my own way!
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Looking for a place to turn around
Posts: 257
It depends on the state as everyone had said...In Michigan if the keys are in the ignition THAT is a DUI....what to expect really varies...lots of money (courts, probation, counseling, DL reinstating)...no liscense...higher insurance rates...couseling...But it can vary....Good luck and maybe this will be his turning point to get and remain sober
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
(((cindyloo)))) First of all, let me say that I understand and can hear in your post just how anxious and nervous you are.
I went back and read your old posts. And what I tend to see in your posts is that you are still highly involved in the your AH and everything that has to do with him. But I don't see anything about your own recovery.
Your more recent posts (one in particular dated Feb 1st) was about him attacking you verbally when you tried to explain to him how you felt.
While I understand that your AH is still early in recovery and has to adjust to life without drinking - I believe that you too need to adjust to his not drinking. (You've made reference to how loving and sweet he is when he's drinking and how you miss that part of him being gone now that he's not drinking). You see - my point is that while you are highly involved with your AH and his feelings, his lack of sex drive, his rehab and your needing to say something at the meet, and now his DUI court issues - I really don't see anything about you!
I know that you believe that he's never going to drink and drive again - and we can all hope that he doesn't. I know you believe that this DUI was his bottom - and again we can hope that it was. And I know that you love your Ah very much and you want to have a great life with him - and we can hope that you do!
BUT your life has been affected by alcohol. It's been affected by the choices that he's made, his behavior towards you and your kids, and now it's still being affected by his DUI.
We learn here at SR as well as in Alanon about how our lives have been affected and we are given the tools in which to recover. You are very enmeshed with your AH, possibly even addicted to your AH. And I know all about this cindyloo, because I used to be that way too! But I found that until I really started focusing on me and my own recovery, alot of things weren't going to get better. I can't go through my life relying on an alcholic to make my life better and to give me everything that I want and need in order for me to have a happy and healthy life.
Why are you not seeking recovery for yourself?
As far as the DUI goes, each state is different. You'll find out at the court just what your AH's punishment is for having done what he did. There is nothing you can do about it so you may as well as stop worrying so much as to send yourself into an anxiety attack. Your AH chose to do what he did - now he has to face the penalties for that decision.
He may lose his license for awhile, he may get a big fine. More than likely, his insurance rates will go up as he's now considered a high risk driver. He may be court ordered to attend AA meetings or some other type of program.
Cindyloo----------truly, you really need to focus on your recovery. Because I remember being alot like you at one point, I can tell you that it concerns me to watch you so enmeshed in your AH. He is your life, your everything, and your love for him outshadows everything - including yourself. PLEASE start recovery for yourself.
I went back and read your old posts. And what I tend to see in your posts is that you are still highly involved in the your AH and everything that has to do with him. But I don't see anything about your own recovery.
Your more recent posts (one in particular dated Feb 1st) was about him attacking you verbally when you tried to explain to him how you felt.
While I understand that your AH is still early in recovery and has to adjust to life without drinking - I believe that you too need to adjust to his not drinking. (You've made reference to how loving and sweet he is when he's drinking and how you miss that part of him being gone now that he's not drinking). You see - my point is that while you are highly involved with your AH and his feelings, his lack of sex drive, his rehab and your needing to say something at the meet, and now his DUI court issues - I really don't see anything about you!
I know that you believe that he's never going to drink and drive again - and we can all hope that he doesn't. I know you believe that this DUI was his bottom - and again we can hope that it was. And I know that you love your Ah very much and you want to have a great life with him - and we can hope that you do!
BUT your life has been affected by alcohol. It's been affected by the choices that he's made, his behavior towards you and your kids, and now it's still being affected by his DUI.
We learn here at SR as well as in Alanon about how our lives have been affected and we are given the tools in which to recover. You are very enmeshed with your AH, possibly even addicted to your AH. And I know all about this cindyloo, because I used to be that way too! But I found that until I really started focusing on me and my own recovery, alot of things weren't going to get better. I can't go through my life relying on an alcholic to make my life better and to give me everything that I want and need in order for me to have a happy and healthy life.
Why are you not seeking recovery for yourself?
As far as the DUI goes, each state is different. You'll find out at the court just what your AH's punishment is for having done what he did. There is nothing you can do about it so you may as well as stop worrying so much as to send yourself into an anxiety attack. Your AH chose to do what he did - now he has to face the penalties for that decision.
He may lose his license for awhile, he may get a big fine. More than likely, his insurance rates will go up as he's now considered a high risk driver. He may be court ordered to attend AA meetings or some other type of program.
Cindyloo----------truly, you really need to focus on your recovery. Because I remember being alot like you at one point, I can tell you that it concerns me to watch you so enmeshed in your AH. He is your life, your everything, and your love for him outshadows everything - including yourself. PLEASE start recovery for yourself.
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