oh, my heart is breaking on Valentine's Day :(
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
oh, my heart is breaking on Valentine's Day :(
just when i thought i couldn't hurt anymore. AH is relapsing 
he is in the basement drinking again. he disappeared into the basement and he came back up and had the glass eyes- i mean nothing there. how scary is that. i forgot that look over the last two months. pure evil.
earlier today, i got him some cd's and a card today for valentines because i didn't have the heart to not get him nothing. (he wouldn't take the gift) he did not get me a thing. what i got was him telling me i look like crap -asking me what i was going to make for dinner. i informed him i wasn't making anything-it was Valentine's Day. i went to my mom's for dinner and brought her flowers though -that made me feel good and i figured i'd get me something special after today.
anyway, i went downstairs and there was the beer. i started crying. he just sat and stared at me. i asked him very calm and nice -how long has this been going on? no answer. i told him that i was going to have to call the doctor and tell him because he is taking lipitor and drinking because it is really bad for the liver. he pointed a brumstick at me so i went upstairs. he's stumbling around.
so now what? how do you handle when they relapse? do i call the clinic? do i call the doctor? do i call his sponsor? how do i handle tomorrow?
i am just so sad. i see him now starting down the path of his biological mother (he was adopted) she was an alcoholic -died tragically in a fire because she was drunk and passed out with a cigarette in her hand. she had twelve kids before this -gave everyone of them up-and was in and out of mental institutions-or his biofather -also alcoholic who died in early 50's also-let's not even get into his adopted family that abused him horrible -also alcoholics.
i am just scared and hurting i have so many hopes and dreams for this man and i love him - so many hopes and dreams for us that i don't see happening.
well, i guess this maybe explains the attitude and the behavior???
he is in the basement drinking again. he disappeared into the basement and he came back up and had the glass eyes- i mean nothing there. how scary is that. i forgot that look over the last two months. pure evil.earlier today, i got him some cd's and a card today for valentines because i didn't have the heart to not get him nothing. (he wouldn't take the gift) he did not get me a thing. what i got was him telling me i look like crap -asking me what i was going to make for dinner. i informed him i wasn't making anything-it was Valentine's Day. i went to my mom's for dinner and brought her flowers though -that made me feel good and i figured i'd get me something special after today.
anyway, i went downstairs and there was the beer. i started crying. he just sat and stared at me. i asked him very calm and nice -how long has this been going on? no answer. i told him that i was going to have to call the doctor and tell him because he is taking lipitor and drinking because it is really bad for the liver. he pointed a brumstick at me so i went upstairs. he's stumbling around.
so now what? how do you handle when they relapse? do i call the clinic? do i call the doctor? do i call his sponsor? how do i handle tomorrow?
i am just so sad. i see him now starting down the path of his biological mother (he was adopted) she was an alcoholic -died tragically in a fire because she was drunk and passed out with a cigarette in her hand. she had twelve kids before this -gave everyone of them up-and was in and out of mental institutions-or his biofather -also alcoholic who died in early 50's also-let's not even get into his adopted family that abused him horrible -also alcoholics.
i am just scared and hurting
i have so many hopes and dreams for this man and i love him - so many hopes and dreams for us that i don't see happening.well, i guess this maybe explains the attitude and the behavior???
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
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hope, after reading your other thread you have going on and now reading this one....I have to ask......don't you think that him pointing that broom stick at you was a threat?
He is acting irrational and honestly, I am worried about your safety!!!!
He is acting irrational and honestly, I am worried about your safety!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
valentine's day and my heart is breaking:( relapse
well, ah is drinking again. i don't even know what to say. i am so sad.
earlier, i got him some cd's and a card for valentine's day (he would not open it). he got me nothing. all i got today was you look like crap and what are you cooking for dinner.
I informed him it was Valentine's Day and i was not cooking. i went to my mother's for dinner and gave her roses. i figure i will get myself something nice just for me tomorrow.
so tonight he disappears into the basement and doesn't return for a long time. i thought i heard him go out the door. when he returned the glass eyes-nothing there at all -pure evil. i forgot that terrible look over the last two months. then i went downstairs and saw the beer. i started crying. very calmly askedhim -how long as this been going on -no answer. i told him i would have to call the doctor because he is taking lipitor -very bad for the liver with alcohol. i tried to talk to him and he pointed a brumstick at me. stumbling around.
just when i thought i couldn't hurt anymore i am so scared and sad. i see him going down the path of his biological mother who was an alcoholic and burned to death tragically after being drunk and passing out with a cigarette in her hands -she was in and out of several mental institutions and had 12 children - all of which she gave up. his bio dad also alcoholic and died young. let's not even mention his adopted parents alcoholics that abused him terribly.
so how do you handle relapse? do i call the rehab clinic? do i call the dr.? do i call his sponser? how do i handle tomorrow?
earlier, i got him some cd's and a card for valentine's day (he would not open it). he got me nothing. all i got today was you look like crap and what are you cooking for dinner.
I informed him it was Valentine's Day and i was not cooking. i went to my mother's for dinner and gave her roses. i figure i will get myself something nice just for me tomorrow.
so tonight he disappears into the basement and doesn't return for a long time. i thought i heard him go out the door. when he returned the glass eyes-nothing there at all -pure evil. i forgot that terrible look over the last two months. then i went downstairs and saw the beer. i started crying. very calmly askedhim -how long as this been going on -no answer. i told him i would have to call the doctor because he is taking lipitor -very bad for the liver with alcohol. i tried to talk to him and he pointed a brumstick at me. stumbling around.
just when i thought i couldn't hurt anymore
i am so scared and sad. i see him going down the path of his biological mother who was an alcoholic and burned to death tragically after being drunk and passing out with a cigarette in her hands -she was in and out of several mental institutions and had 12 children - all of which she gave up. his bio dad also alcoholic and died young. let's not even mention his adopted parents alcoholics that abused him terribly.so how do you handle relapse? do i call the rehab clinic? do i call the dr.? do i call his sponser? how do i handle tomorrow?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
Hi there,
You know, Standing Strong makes a good point. When my STBX would do something like pound his fist in his hand or point something at me, I would "defend" it as, "but he would never hurt me." While that may or may not be true, it is still a threat nonetheless. I never saw that before. He is using the threat of physical force, even if he would "never do it," to make you do what he wants. I'm telling you this and having a light bult moment at the same time! Wow!
As for him drinking again...wow, I know that must hurt after he stopped for two months. Not trying to be harsh, but nothing changes if nothing changes. Again, I know it hurts, but remember those words.
((()))
You know, Standing Strong makes a good point. When my STBX would do something like pound his fist in his hand or point something at me, I would "defend" it as, "but he would never hurt me." While that may or may not be true, it is still a threat nonetheless. I never saw that before. He is using the threat of physical force, even if he would "never do it," to make you do what he wants. I'm telling you this and having a light bult moment at the same time! Wow!
As for him drinking again...wow, I know that must hurt after he stopped for two months. Not trying to be harsh, but nothing changes if nothing changes. Again, I know it hurts, but remember those words.
((()))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
yep
he's a bully and i can't believe how crazy this has gotten myself. i guess maybe i am just a little shell shocked right now. we'll see what tomorrow brings. guess at least now i have an explaination for some of the insane behavior.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
(((((hope)))))))
i smelled this comin....this was exactly like my xh would behave when he was itching to drink.
as far as making all the calls....i used to do that, too....except it didn't halep a thing, and only made things worse.
your concern now, is for you. he has had physically violent episodes with you in the past....more than just a few.....you need to do whatever you can to stay safe. do you have an emergency bag packed with extra money in it and in the trunk of your car?? do you have an extra car key in case he takes your keys??? first concern is being able to make a quick escape. please make those emergency plans.
my xh would become the meanest bully when he was not drinking, and wanting to drink. he resented the hell out of me.....because he thought he got sober for me....he thought i was the reason he was not drinking and he hated me for it.....it showed in everything he did, said, and every movement he made. his body language was very angry.
take care of yourself, hope. his recovery, or non-recover belongs to him only. you can not do a thing to help it along now....all you can do is help yourself.\
much love to you
jeri
i smelled this comin....this was exactly like my xh would behave when he was itching to drink.
as far as making all the calls....i used to do that, too....except it didn't halep a thing, and only made things worse.
your concern now, is for you. he has had physically violent episodes with you in the past....more than just a few.....you need to do whatever you can to stay safe. do you have an emergency bag packed with extra money in it and in the trunk of your car?? do you have an extra car key in case he takes your keys??? first concern is being able to make a quick escape. please make those emergency plans.
my xh would become the meanest bully when he was not drinking, and wanting to drink. he resented the hell out of me.....because he thought he got sober for me....he thought i was the reason he was not drinking and he hated me for it.....it showed in everything he did, said, and every movement he made. his body language was very angry.
take care of yourself, hope. his recovery, or non-recover belongs to him only. you can not do a thing to help it along now....all you can do is help yourself.\
much love to you
jeri
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by StandingStrong 
hope, after reading your other thread you have going on and now reading this one....I have to ask......don't you think that him pointing that broom stick at you was a threat?
He is acting irrational and honestly, I am worried about your safety!!!!
He is acting irrational and honestly, I am worried about your safety!!!!
I read that and thought it was he was implying : "here's your broom,witch". ha
Sorry for your hurt and disappointment.
Some relapse and finally get desperate enough to really stop. Maybe that will be the case with him.
Whatever happens,please try to keep centered on yourself. (and be safe) Getting Them Sober (esp. Vol.4) has tips for doing that. (see a few chapters from it at http://www.GettingThemSober.com)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Hey sweetie.... *hugs* That has to hurt .... Im sorry.
How do YOU handle relapse?????? YOU dont handle it at all, its not yours to handle. He know what he is doing and he is choosing to do it.
If It were me I would handle it by first calling my bestfriend and bawling, then go to my therapist and bawling and then as many Al-anon meetings I could and bawling.
Once I got that out of my system I would start working on my recovery so I could get to a healthy spot and make decisions.
BTW, I have a girlfriend who took care of that problem, not that Im suggesting anything cuz Im not. He forgot her Birthday one year.... SO, she went out and bought her a piece of expenisve jewerly.... when he noticed and asked her about it she calmly told him it was her Birthday gift from him!
He never forgot again
How do YOU handle relapse?????? YOU dont handle it at all, its not yours to handle. He know what he is doing and he is choosing to do it.
If It were me I would handle it by first calling my bestfriend and bawling, then go to my therapist and bawling and then as many Al-anon meetings I could and bawling.
Once I got that out of my system I would start working on my recovery so I could get to a healthy spot and make decisions.
BTW, I have a girlfriend who took care of that problem, not that Im suggesting anything cuz Im not. He forgot her Birthday one year.... SO, she went out and bought her a piece of expenisve jewerly.... when he noticed and asked her about it she calmly told him it was her Birthday gift from him!
He never forgot again
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by hopeangel
i am just scared and hurting i have so many hopes and dreams for this man and i love him - so many hopes and dreams for us that i don't see happening.
well, i guess this maybe explains the attitude and the behavior???
i have so many hopes and dreams for this man and i love him - so many hopes and dreams for us that i don't see happening.well, i guess this maybe explains the attitude and the behavior???
I know how scary it can be. I was so beaten down by living with the insanity I didn't believe there was a way out. There are many doors for you to choose from; I hope you pick one that leads you to a better place.
Take care and much love.
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