initial divorce hearing, sad for AH tonight
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 70
initial divorce hearing, sad for AH tonight
Hi, All,
I definately do not come here as often when I'm not in crises mode. I am so grateful for the words of encouragement here, and how we can relate to one another, dealing with an alcoholic we love.
I had the initial divorce hearing last week. Afterwards, it just provided more clarity that I'm doing the right thing. Having been separated from AH and not having to live face to face in the disease for the last two months, the clouds are clearing. My emotions aren't jumping up and down as much as they were.
The temporary orders from the court is for me to pay spousal support for Feb, March, and April. AH gets to stay in the house during this time, and I pay for the mortgage. But, I don't pay for the utilities, that is Joe's responsibility. My attorney assured me that this is only temporary, that Joe's "character" came through during the hearing, and that the judge decided in this way in order to allow Joe three more months to get his benefits and housing options together...
Joe went to the hospital yesterday with chest pains. My neighbor called me. It was hard not to get sucked right back into that madness. My first thought was that he called 911 to get attention or because he was having an anxiety attack. They released him about 9 pm. Diagnosis: anxiety attack.
It will be a long three months for me not to be back in the house. I went over there yesterday to check on the dogs and cats, while AH was at hospital. I have so often felt Joe is in late stages of alcoholism. He doesn't care about the house. We're having a mouse problem on the back porch. Mouse droppings everywhere and the urine smell is strong. In the kitchen, there is trash all over the cabinets from food he's eaten, moldey dishes, weeks old food around, and so forth. I can't get my mind around that. To him, this is normal and he doesn't see anything wrong with it.
It saddens me. Joe had started going to AA for a few weeks. Don't know if he has the desire to stay sober. I still long for that for him. This is a cruel, slow death. Saw a pretty close to empty whisky bottle in the office. There's a lot of mental illness.
I saw another thread about angels. It gave me hope to pray tonight for angels to watch over and take care of Joe tonight. I've got to let him go to God's angels' care. I picture angels on either side of him, watching out for him.
I definately do not come here as often when I'm not in crises mode. I am so grateful for the words of encouragement here, and how we can relate to one another, dealing with an alcoholic we love.
I had the initial divorce hearing last week. Afterwards, it just provided more clarity that I'm doing the right thing. Having been separated from AH and not having to live face to face in the disease for the last two months, the clouds are clearing. My emotions aren't jumping up and down as much as they were.
The temporary orders from the court is for me to pay spousal support for Feb, March, and April. AH gets to stay in the house during this time, and I pay for the mortgage. But, I don't pay for the utilities, that is Joe's responsibility. My attorney assured me that this is only temporary, that Joe's "character" came through during the hearing, and that the judge decided in this way in order to allow Joe three more months to get his benefits and housing options together...
Joe went to the hospital yesterday with chest pains. My neighbor called me. It was hard not to get sucked right back into that madness. My first thought was that he called 911 to get attention or because he was having an anxiety attack. They released him about 9 pm. Diagnosis: anxiety attack.
It will be a long three months for me not to be back in the house. I went over there yesterday to check on the dogs and cats, while AH was at hospital. I have so often felt Joe is in late stages of alcoholism. He doesn't care about the house. We're having a mouse problem on the back porch. Mouse droppings everywhere and the urine smell is strong. In the kitchen, there is trash all over the cabinets from food he's eaten, moldey dishes, weeks old food around, and so forth. I can't get my mind around that. To him, this is normal and he doesn't see anything wrong with it.
It saddens me. Joe had started going to AA for a few weeks. Don't know if he has the desire to stay sober. I still long for that for him. This is a cruel, slow death. Saw a pretty close to empty whisky bottle in the office. There's a lot of mental illness.
I saw another thread about angels. It gave me hope to pray tonight for angels to watch over and take care of Joe tonight. I've got to let him go to God's angels' care. I picture angels on either side of him, watching out for him.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
I know it's hard to watch the person you love self destruct.
A little over a year ago, I took a break from SR and everything & anything that had to do with my own recovery. We were trying to work things out at the time and I guess I just didn't want to come here and face the truth and XAH wasn't drinking at the time.
It didn't take me long to realize that I did need to come back and I needed to focus on my own recovery. Though XAH and I are divorced now - I realize that his drinking and behaviors as well as my own reactionary behaviors have affected my life. I needed to come back here and put the focus back on my recovery as its a daily process.
I hope that you continue to take care of yourself. I hope that you'll work a recovery program that works for you. I hope that you'll find peace in the decisions that you make. I hope that you'll find happiness.
Take care LizzyP
A little over a year ago, I took a break from SR and everything & anything that had to do with my own recovery. We were trying to work things out at the time and I guess I just didn't want to come here and face the truth and XAH wasn't drinking at the time.
It didn't take me long to realize that I did need to come back and I needed to focus on my own recovery. Though XAH and I are divorced now - I realize that his drinking and behaviors as well as my own reactionary behaviors have affected my life. I needed to come back here and put the focus back on my recovery as its a daily process.
I hope that you continue to take care of yourself. I hope that you'll work a recovery program that works for you. I hope that you'll find peace in the decisions that you make. I hope that you'll find happiness.
Take care LizzyP
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 70
Hi, embraced,
I wasn't too surprised by the spousal support. It is temporary and shouldn't be permanent, but we know how that can go. My attorney expressed to the court as to how much longer I had to support "this man". It was clear to my attorney and to the court that as long as I pay, Joe will not do anything for himself. I have been advised of the leanings of this judge (small town), and weighing the circumstances, he "should" vote in my favor at the permanent hearing.
Attorney told me that basically the judge is asking me to continue doing just for three more months what I've done all along, just to allow Joe the "opportunity" to get benefits in place. And, if Joe does not take advantage of this grace shown him, he's s**t out of luck.
What hurt was not getting back into my house. If it is as bad as it is now after two months, I cringe what it will be like in three more months. But I will keep attorney close in the loop if it appears extensive damage is occuring. It does work in my favor for the appraisal I have to get (Texas is a community state, so even though Joe has not contributed financially or in any other way, he's still eligable for 50% of property earnings).
Of course, it grieves me about the pets, too. I know folks here have really encouraged me to call animal protective services and have them removed. In my mind, I freeze for some reason when I think of taking this next step. He is feeding them, and letting the dogs out. I went in and changed the litter box for the cats. But, I really need to look into getting them placed somewhere else.
love to each of you
I wasn't too surprised by the spousal support. It is temporary and shouldn't be permanent, but we know how that can go. My attorney expressed to the court as to how much longer I had to support "this man". It was clear to my attorney and to the court that as long as I pay, Joe will not do anything for himself. I have been advised of the leanings of this judge (small town), and weighing the circumstances, he "should" vote in my favor at the permanent hearing.
Attorney told me that basically the judge is asking me to continue doing just for three more months what I've done all along, just to allow Joe the "opportunity" to get benefits in place. And, if Joe does not take advantage of this grace shown him, he's s**t out of luck.
What hurt was not getting back into my house. If it is as bad as it is now after two months, I cringe what it will be like in three more months. But I will keep attorney close in the loop if it appears extensive damage is occuring. It does work in my favor for the appraisal I have to get (Texas is a community state, so even though Joe has not contributed financially or in any other way, he's still eligable for 50% of property earnings).
Of course, it grieves me about the pets, too. I know folks here have really encouraged me to call animal protective services and have them removed. In my mind, I freeze for some reason when I think of taking this next step. He is feeding them, and letting the dogs out. I went in and changed the litter box for the cats. But, I really need to look into getting them placed somewhere else.
love to each of you
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
lizzy.....my xh could never hold a job over 2 or 3 months. i married him two times.....all my fault, i know.....and i was held responsible for all the bills he incurred. which were many.....all medical. almost 75 grand. it says in our divorce decree that we are responsible for our own bills, but when it comes to collection agencies, they don't care what the court says....they go after who they can get the money from....and since that is me....
i'm just so sorry you had to leave your home and your pets. and i'm sorry that it all came to this for you.
and i'm still sorry you have to pay. might as well burn that money for all the good it is going to do for an active alcoholic....jmho based on my experience with my mr. romeo.
love to ya lizzy
i'm just so sorry you had to leave your home and your pets. and i'm sorry that it all came to this for you.
and i'm still sorry you have to pay. might as well burn that money for all the good it is going to do for an active alcoholic....jmho based on my experience with my mr. romeo.
love to ya lizzy
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