Making new friends.........
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Making new friends.........
Hey everyone. In reading alot of the posts here at SR as well as remembering my former life with XAH - I realize that many of us feel alone. Or have at some point in our recovery. I'd guess that early recovery is the hardest.
As codependants, many of us had let our friends go. Many of us had isolated ourselves. And when we had that feeling of being alone and of not having friends, it really is a hard time to get through.
So I thought maybe this might be a good place to make suggestions on where or how a person can begin to make new friends. To learn how to surround ourselves with people again and learn how to reach out and make some friends.
I'm sure that any experiences and suggestions would be welcome. Different things work for each of us - but we all know how someone elses experiences can truly help.
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I'd suggest support groups - such as Alanon. Where you can meet people that have gone through what you have and understand. As well as give you the opportunity to get out and meet new people.
If you have a job outside of your house, how about making a small step and start saying "hi" to those that maybe you've never really spoken too? Small talk can eventually lead into great friendships over time. It feels uncomfortable at first but just having even a small conversation with someone can be a great start. You never know where it may lead.
If you have available free classes in your area (such as home remodeling projects/classes at a local hardware store - I think that places like "lowe's" or "home depot" offer these on the weekends - you can possibly meet someone there that may be doing something that you have experience doing or that is something that you enjoy also. (such as faux painting or something)
If you are financially able, you may even want to look into taking a class of some sort that you are interested in. Again, you'd be surrounded with people that have something of interest that you do. Makes a great topic to talk about as you begin learning to conversate again.
Do you have any places near your home that you can volunteer at? Whether it be a small project or a larger project - you'll feel good about helping others in need as well as meeting lots of new people.
The possibilities are endless really. And I'm hoping that others will chime in with their thoughts, suggestions, or experiences as well.
Just remember that even when you feel alone, we are all here, just a computer keyboard away. We understand - and you aren't alone! ((((Hugs)))
As codependants, many of us had let our friends go. Many of us had isolated ourselves. And when we had that feeling of being alone and of not having friends, it really is a hard time to get through.
So I thought maybe this might be a good place to make suggestions on where or how a person can begin to make new friends. To learn how to surround ourselves with people again and learn how to reach out and make some friends.
I'm sure that any experiences and suggestions would be welcome. Different things work for each of us - but we all know how someone elses experiences can truly help.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'd suggest support groups - such as Alanon. Where you can meet people that have gone through what you have and understand. As well as give you the opportunity to get out and meet new people.
If you have a job outside of your house, how about making a small step and start saying "hi" to those that maybe you've never really spoken too? Small talk can eventually lead into great friendships over time. It feels uncomfortable at first but just having even a small conversation with someone can be a great start. You never know where it may lead.
If you have available free classes in your area (such as home remodeling projects/classes at a local hardware store - I think that places like "lowe's" or "home depot" offer these on the weekends - you can possibly meet someone there that may be doing something that you have experience doing or that is something that you enjoy also. (such as faux painting or something)
If you are financially able, you may even want to look into taking a class of some sort that you are interested in. Again, you'd be surrounded with people that have something of interest that you do. Makes a great topic to talk about as you begin learning to conversate again.
Do you have any places near your home that you can volunteer at? Whether it be a small project or a larger project - you'll feel good about helping others in need as well as meeting lots of new people.
The possibilities are endless really. And I'm hoping that others will chime in with their thoughts, suggestions, or experiences as well.
Just remember that even when you feel alone, we are all here, just a computer keyboard away. We understand - and you aren't alone! ((((Hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Booneyville USA
Posts: 246
Hard to do here this time of year (in sub zero weather!) but I love taking my kids to the playground. I've met all sorts of great people there and my kids get to meet new friends.
I also like taking the dogs to the park when the kids are with their dad (can't fit the dogs and the kids into my small car! LOL) <sigh> can't wait til summer!!
This post is a good idea. I look forward to more responses. I work from home so its hard to get out and meet new people. Heck, I had to stoop to online dating to meet my ABF!! (And look how THAT turned out! LOL)
I also like taking the dogs to the park when the kids are with their dad (can't fit the dogs and the kids into my small car! LOL) <sigh> can't wait til summer!!
This post is a good idea. I look forward to more responses. I work from home so its hard to get out and meet new people. Heck, I had to stoop to online dating to meet my ABF!! (And look how THAT turned out! LOL)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Dobie, I agree that for many of us, the weather plays a really large part in how we "hibernate" and I've found that being housebound can really depressing.
I thought of a few more.....
How about contacting some of those old friends? It doesn't have to be a long drawn out conversation of the woes you've been through either - you can simply mail a few cards out and see if any reply.
Or if you have kids - start volunteering at the school. Have a play date with the kids - I've heard of groups where the parents & kids have "play dates". The kids play while the mom's hang out, share coupons, etc.
Maybe attend church. Find one you enjoy and you're bound to make friends there too.
Getting involved with about anything helps. And I know for me - getting involved was hard!!!
I thought of a few more.....
How about contacting some of those old friends? It doesn't have to be a long drawn out conversation of the woes you've been through either - you can simply mail a few cards out and see if any reply.
Or if you have kids - start volunteering at the school. Have a play date with the kids - I've heard of groups where the parents & kids have "play dates". The kids play while the mom's hang out, share coupons, etc.
Maybe attend church. Find one you enjoy and you're bound to make friends there too.
Getting involved with about anything helps. And I know for me - getting involved was hard!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Church, lots of help needed there and a great way to meet people.
Hospitals, they always need volunteers. As a guy who spends way too much time in them I _really_ appreciate volunteers. If you can't volunteer then just listen to when people speak of having relatives in a hospital and offer to go visit them.
Grocery stores, chat up the people who work there. One of 'em turned out to be in recovery and told me where to find a great step study meeting.
Other programs. I chatted up some people in OA and have now made two great friends there. One of 'em turned out to be a photographer like me
One of my best friends for the last couple years is from NA.
Mike
Hospitals, they always need volunteers. As a guy who spends way too much time in them I _really_ appreciate volunteers. If you can't volunteer then just listen to when people speak of having relatives in a hospital and offer to go visit them.
Grocery stores, chat up the people who work there. One of 'em turned out to be in recovery and told me where to find a great step study meeting.
Other programs. I chatted up some people in OA and have now made two great friends there. One of 'em turned out to be a photographer like me
One of my best friends for the last couple years is from NA.Mike
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
I am grateful that through it all, I did not let my friends go. There was a strain between me and my oldest friend of over 40 years and I am now repairing that. I am a social creature and though AH tried to isolate us, he just ended up isolating himself.
Those friends are now an important part of my support system. I also have made many new friends, some from Al-Anon, some in my line of work, some where I volunteer. I have noticed I seem to be making MORE friends, and I think that's because I am more relaxed and do not see myself through AH's criticisms any longer.
Those friends are now an important part of my support system. I also have made many new friends, some from Al-Anon, some in my line of work, some where I volunteer. I have noticed I seem to be making MORE friends, and I think that's because I am more relaxed and do not see myself through AH's criticisms any longer.
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