Newbie on a rollercoaster
 

After 15 years of drinking, my AH finally got sober about 5 weeks ago. I thought the drinking years were difficult, only to find out that I'm struggling more now. I fluctuate between hurt, confusion, resentment and just about every other negative feeling that exists.

The old armour of anger, rage and stuffing every feeling I had just don't work anymore. As a matter of fact, they seem to have disappeared. Where the heck is my protection? Still angry, but the explosion that generally followed that just isn't there. Still try to stuff, but that's become very difficult.

I have attended two Al-anon meetings which were helpful, read many, many posts on this site, and see an addiction counselor. I guess I'm just ready for a "quick fix" and really don't see that as being possible. I know that's a delusional thought. I know it takes work.

I guess I'm just feeling very overwhelmed by the absolute mountain of feelings. I wish the rollercoaster had a part of it that made me feel good. Right now it just feels like a ride through h***.

Hey...sounds to me like you're in recovery! I'm almost 2 months sober and you describe exactly how this journey feels, feels, feels, feels....it's exhausting.

Welcome to SR Danyderk... we are glad you found us.

Yea .... Unfortunally there is no quick fix and it is overwhelming at times. To be honest it is a ride through H***.... but there is no other way to get to the other side without the ride.

So many emotions and so much confusion .... when my ex-abf stopped drinking and I did not have the alcohol to blame it through me for a loop that he was just as awful sober as drunk, he was just as selfish, selfcentered and rude. Imagine my shock!

Keep the Al-anon meetings and reading up, It also helped me to attend some open AA meetings so I could feel validation about what I was feeling and find a bit of compassion.

I look forward to getting to know you, keep posting and venting it help alot.

Cynay, I actually got the "power" to go to my first al-anon through a response you posted. I had posted something that didn't reveal anything about myself other than the fear of attending my first meeting. You responded that I should just imagine that we were there waiting for me and that you all had a hug for me. That gave me the nerve, and I actually found it to be true. It was wonderful. I really needed a hug.

Wow.... Thank you for that Danyderk.

:Val004:

I pray every morning that God (my higher power) give me the words to say.... and also that he keep his arm around my shoulder and hand over my mouth when I should say nothing. Lately I think he forgot the hand over the mouth.... Thank you for letting me know his arm is still around my shoulder.

So much change, so difficult a road. I really love the saying "One day at a time". It's so useful and important for everyone. :)