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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: The South
Posts: 6
New Here
Hi all, I would like to thanks you all for being here and all the information. I am new to all this.
My husband has had a problem for year and recently joined AA after a few weeks he moved out. Said he had to go take care of himself. I do read here alot but right now I am so in shock that I just do not know where to turn. We have three young children that are also devisated. I know I have to be strong for them but right now I just do not know how. Not even sure how to take care of myself. He has been so selfish over the years but this one really took my breath away. Not sure if I could ever trust him again, he seems to run from everything, Everything good that is. I feel so lost.
My husband has had a problem for year and recently joined AA after a few weeks he moved out. Said he had to go take care of himself. I do read here alot but right now I am so in shock that I just do not know where to turn. We have three young children that are also devisated. I know I have to be strong for them but right now I just do not know how. Not even sure how to take care of myself. He has been so selfish over the years but this one really took my breath away. Not sure if I could ever trust him again, he seems to run from everything, Everything good that is. I feel so lost.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Welcome,
People with addiction issues are irresponsible and selfish, that is part of the disease.
Recovery takes hard work, and the change to becoming a responsible person does not happen overnight, it takes years.
All you can do is make your children your first priorty, provide for them, be there for them, not only physically but emotionally.
Keep going to meetings, keep posting.
People with addiction issues are irresponsible and selfish, that is part of the disease.
Recovery takes hard work, and the change to becoming a responsible person does not happen overnight, it takes years.
All you can do is make your children your first priorty, provide for them, be there for them, not only physically but emotionally.
Keep going to meetings, keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
Posts: 415
Hi there Tornapart. Sorry you are going through such a terrible time. You've come to a good place to learn and get support. We understand what you're dealing with (unfortunately). Like Dollydo says above, all you can do is make your children the #1 priority and take good care of them...and you too.
Addicts are selfish and cause so much unhappiness and destruction wherever they go. It is the nature of the beast. Protect yourself and the kids. And please keep posting here - looking forward to getting to know you.
Addicts are selfish and cause so much unhappiness and destruction wherever they go. It is the nature of the beast. Protect yourself and the kids. And please keep posting here - looking forward to getting to know you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
hi tornapart, and welcome
so sorry that yet another family has been devastated by this addiction and behaviors of alcoholism.
just keep coming here and sharing, reading, and posting with us.....we all understand like no others can, for we all have either been there, are there, or pushed through to the other side of this madness.
i transferred my obsession from my alcoholic to being obsessed about this board (and e-bay, ha ha). well, most of the obsession anyway....i still tweak out there every so often....more often that not. but i'm working on it.
all day long, i just keep this board up on my computer screen, cause it offers me comfort to be able to glance across the room, and to know that out there in this big huge world, there are many thousands of others going through the same thing that i am......and when i see thisscreen from across the room, i just get this sense of security.
and i know if i should have a sudden panic, or thought, or need advice, or just to share, that i can just cross the room and help is just a click away.
may sound silly, but that is what i do.
so sorry that yet another family has been devastated by this addiction and behaviors of alcoholism.
just keep coming here and sharing, reading, and posting with us.....we all understand like no others can, for we all have either been there, are there, or pushed through to the other side of this madness.
i transferred my obsession from my alcoholic to being obsessed about this board (and e-bay, ha ha). well, most of the obsession anyway....i still tweak out there every so often....more often that not. but i'm working on it.
all day long, i just keep this board up on my computer screen, cause it offers me comfort to be able to glance across the room, and to know that out there in this big huge world, there are many thousands of others going through the same thing that i am......and when i see thisscreen from across the room, i just get this sense of security.
and i know if i should have a sudden panic, or thought, or need advice, or just to share, that i can just cross the room and help is just a click away.
may sound silly, but that is what i do.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
tornapart
Welcome! I'm glad you found us! Sorry about your situation.....my AH up and moved out leaving me and our two children (not trying to get sober...trying to keep drinking). Posting here,learning about addiction,etc.,etc have helped me start to regain my bearings.
The more I work on giving him back his own "stuff"(as in not make things easier,cleaning up his messes,unruffling feathers,etc) ,the better things are becoming for me and our kids and the more he has to deal the results of his own behavior...helps us all.
I hope you post often and look forward to getting to know you...someone is here 24/7...it is a wonderful source of support for me.
Welcome! I'm glad you found us! Sorry about your situation.....my AH up and moved out leaving me and our two children (not trying to get sober...trying to keep drinking). Posting here,learning about addiction,etc.,etc have helped me start to regain my bearings.
The more I work on giving him back his own "stuff"(as in not make things easier,cleaning up his messes,unruffling feathers,etc) ,the better things are becoming for me and our kids and the more he has to deal the results of his own behavior...helps us all.
I hope you post often and look forward to getting to know you...someone is here 24/7...it is a wonderful source of support for me.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I so feel for your pain....how absolutely traumatizing.
I'm newly sober myself and find his action truly puzzling...as big changes are not recommended in early recovery...one should avoid leaving an existing relationship or starting a new one. He is not making a healthy choice whatsoever...especially since there are children involved. I can't imagine any member of AA condoning or encouraging his decision.
Whatever it is..he is definitely going thru something...as are you. Reach out to support anyway you can...SR and Al-anon are fantastic tools to recovery.
I'm newly sober myself and find his action truly puzzling...as big changes are not recommended in early recovery...one should avoid leaving an existing relationship or starting a new one. He is not making a healthy choice whatsoever...especially since there are children involved. I can't imagine any member of AA condoning or encouraging his decision.
Whatever it is..he is definitely going thru something...as are you. Reach out to support anyway you can...SR and Al-anon are fantastic tools to recovery.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Welcome to SR.... Im also glad you found us.
This sight has been such a gift for me, I find so many kindered souls and know Im not alone and Im not crazy, they support me when I stumble and fall just as willingly support me with my sucesses.
I do understand the fear of being abandoned ... especially when children are involved. Just remember you are no good to anyone else if you dont have it together. I used Theraphy, Al-anon, open AA meetings, SR and alot of reading.
Today when something happens like that and it hurts ... I have faith that God is watching out for me and I just dont know the bigger plan, I trust it will work out and Im right where I need to be. I have to choice to change what is hurting me, I dont have to have hurtful people in my life. Life may not give me what I want, but It does always give me what I need.
I look forward to getting to know you, hang out and read all you can. Your not alone in your struggles.
This sight has been such a gift for me, I find so many kindered souls and know Im not alone and Im not crazy, they support me when I stumble and fall just as willingly support me with my sucesses.
I do understand the fear of being abandoned ... especially when children are involved. Just remember you are no good to anyone else if you dont have it together. I used Theraphy, Al-anon, open AA meetings, SR and alot of reading.
Today when something happens like that and it hurts ... I have faith that God is watching out for me and I just dont know the bigger plan, I trust it will work out and Im right where I need to be. I have to choice to change what is hurting me, I dont have to have hurtful people in my life. Life may not give me what I want, but It does always give me what I need.
I look forward to getting to know you, hang out and read all you can. Your not alone in your struggles.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: The South
Posts: 6
Thanks for such a warm welcome. I will keep reading and will go to alanon this weekend, when a friend can watch the kids. I have been talking with someone from alanon until I can get there. My husband has not told anyone what he has done, and he knows that it was recommended that he not do anything major, but he said he knows best. For now I will take care of the kids first. Thanks again to all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Happy with me !
Posts: 680
(((Tornapart))) Welcome to SR, sorry you are going thru all of this right now. Read the above stickies, keep reading and posting. Have you tried al-anon? Be strong for you and your kids. Addicts can be sooo selfish, but you must focus on you and your kids right now.
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