Hurting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: south lake tahoe,ca
Posts: 17
Hurting
My AH has been sober for about 6 weeks now but I feel like she is trying to push me out the door. The amount of anger in her and all the blaming is driving me crazy. I know this can be part of the process but it is really killing me. Do I just not have enough willpower to move out and on with my life, or do I just love her so much that I wait for things to get better. I am sick of her trying to fight with me over every little thing, I do not feel any love coming out of her at all. Just not sure what to do
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Ahhh Hope, Im so sorry you are hurting....
I know its crazy when they are drinking and unfortunally its just as crazy when they are new in their soberity. There is just so much anger and hurtful things going on.
I would not guess to tell you want to do, but you do have choices. Is your wife working a program of any kind? You could try Al-anon, great tools there to help you work through this and you cant beat the face to face companionship of people that "really" get it. You are not alone in what you are going through that is for sure.
I know its crazy when they are drinking and unfortunally its just as crazy when they are new in their soberity. There is just so much anger and hurtful things going on.
I would not guess to tell you want to do, but you do have choices. Is your wife working a program of any kind? You could try Al-anon, great tools there to help you work through this and you cant beat the face to face companionship of people that "really" get it. You are not alone in what you are going through that is for sure.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Hi Hope
I think it would really be beneficial to surround yourself with others who have gone through the same. Recovery is tough enough without going through it alone.
Keep posting here and if it's something you'd like to try, I'd recommend Al-Anon. Here there are meetings devoted to "Living with Sobriety."
Good luck and take care.
((()))
I think it would really be beneficial to surround yourself with others who have gone through the same. Recovery is tough enough without going through it alone.
Keep posting here and if it's something you'd like to try, I'd recommend Al-Anon. Here there are meetings devoted to "Living with Sobriety."
Good luck and take care.
((()))
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
A few things come to mind. I have no idea if any of them apply to your situation.
Sometimes they act like that so you'll get so pissed off you'll tell them to go use and leave you the hell alone.
Sometimes we have put up with a lot of abusive crap from an alcoholic thinking that it's the drink talking. When they get sober you find out much to your horror that it was actually your partner talking the whole time.
Sometimes people in recovery aren't really in recovery - they are just going "white knuckle" without doing any of the hard work of true recovery which is emotional and spiritual. Of course at first it feels hard enough just not to drink, but they need to understand that working the steps actually makes not drinking less painful.
Sometimes we need to look in the mirror and ask ourselves why we're putting up with this crap and realize that sometimes standing up for ourselves is actually the only way to take care of the A we love.
Good luck hon. I can feel your pain right through the ether. I'm sorry you're in this difficult position.
Sometimes they act like that so you'll get so pissed off you'll tell them to go use and leave you the hell alone.
Sometimes we have put up with a lot of abusive crap from an alcoholic thinking that it's the drink talking. When they get sober you find out much to your horror that it was actually your partner talking the whole time.
Sometimes people in recovery aren't really in recovery - they are just going "white knuckle" without doing any of the hard work of true recovery which is emotional and spiritual. Of course at first it feels hard enough just not to drink, but they need to understand that working the steps actually makes not drinking less painful.
Sometimes we need to look in the mirror and ask ourselves why we're putting up with this crap and realize that sometimes standing up for ourselves is actually the only way to take care of the A we love.
Good luck hon. I can feel your pain right through the ether. I'm sorry you're in this difficult position.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
welcome, hope. early recovery is really tough. i know my daughter put a lot of hurt and anger on myself and my husband in her early sober days. emotions are just so raw at first? alanon and private counseling really helps us. blessings, and keep posting - k
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I truly feel for you. I've been sober almost 2 months and I will tell you all sorts of crap starts bubbling to the surface. I've gone thru an anger stage and now I'm a big ole sentimental marshmallow crying at just about anything.
Unfortunately, as already alluded to by WantsOut, there is a whole raft of possible answers. Bottom line is...you really need to get help and support for yourself. You need to find the strength to not tolerate the intolerable...whether our SO is drinking or not. It is very important that we learn boundaries, healthy behaviours, emotional assertiveness, self esteem etc. etc. This is all stuff you need to do for you. You both need recovery as alcohol victimizes much more than the user.
Unfortunately, as already alluded to by WantsOut, there is a whole raft of possible answers. Bottom line is...you really need to get help and support for yourself. You need to find the strength to not tolerate the intolerable...whether our SO is drinking or not. It is very important that we learn boundaries, healthy behaviours, emotional assertiveness, self esteem etc. etc. This is all stuff you need to do for you. You both need recovery as alcohol victimizes much more than the user.
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