A-ex's funeral on Sunday = long, tortuous day for son
Mom of Teen Alcoholic
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 23
A-ex's funeral on Sunday = long, tortuous day for son
What a tortuous day it was for BS. *sniff*
Hubs raced back from his trip to Chicago, leaving VERY early in the morning, to be back in time to go with son and I to the funeral home. He initially wasn't going to, and I fully expected him to stay in Chicago until late Sunday afternoon, but half an hour before we were due to leave, he called, said he was 15 minutes from home, and to please wait for him. When he got home, he ran in the door, used the bathroom, and put on a suit.
Have I said how much I love that man? *blush*
My boss showed up at the funeral home (but, since her husband's family owns it, I kind of guessed she might appear)..and she gave son a sympathy card, along with a PILE of money that she had collected from the other girls at my office (there was $75 in there, I found out later!) Did I mention that I have a wonderful boss and co-workers?
My parents also arrived and stayed through the prayer service. My brother and sister-in-law put in an appearance, even my aunt and uncle (son's great-aunt and -uncle) stopped in for a few minutes.
For the most part, ex's family was very gracious...there were a few people there that I didn't know, but most of them I did.
One of ex's brothers (he's 46) had just recently been diagnosed with cancer for the second time (he had had testicular cancer 15 years ago, but had it removed and has been cancer-free since) and he's scheduled to be admitted to the hospital today for a WEEK of intensive chemotherapy. (Another reason why it was good that ex's laying-out and funeral were all on one day)...since there is such a huge risk factor for cancer in ex's family, I really don't expect exBIL (ex brother-in-law) to make it to age 50, honestly. He's a drinker (though not to the extent that ex was) and a heavy smoker...oh, and yes, he's STILL smoking.... Since this is the brother that most resembles ex in appearance, I'm afraid that when he dies, son will feel like he's reliving the death of his father all over again....
One of ex's older brothers, Jack, was called the first day that ex was admitted to the hospital. The family told him honestly that they did not expect that ex would walk out of there, and that if he wants to see his brother alive, he needs to come right away. (He lives in the Virgin Islands.) Jack said he would try get a flight as soon as he could. Well....that was three weeks ago.
And Jack never made it to the funeral, either.
The REALLY sad part was, ex IDOLIZED this older brother...and of ALL the brothers, he would have really wanted Jack to be there. The sad thing is, I think that Jack is dealing with some addiction issues of his own and couldn't come for that reason.
Ex actually looked a lot like my paternal grandfather did when he died at age 67..except ex was only 42. They did the best they could with him, especially given the money that the family could scrape together...no death certificate has been filed yet, however, so I have NO idea what was listed as his official cause of death. I hope that alcoholism IS mentioned on there, however, even if only as a contributing cause.
This morning, son and I got up early and drove back to ex's city to watch them put ex in the ground. There was no official graveside service scheduled, just son and I, ex's sister, and the guys that operate the lift. Because the wind chill was -40 F where we live, no one else turned up.
Son seems a little more grounded today...a little less openly sad, and a lot less angry/mean. I'm so glad all the arrangements are now complete. Now the healing can begin in earnest.
Hubs raced back from his trip to Chicago, leaving VERY early in the morning, to be back in time to go with son and I to the funeral home. He initially wasn't going to, and I fully expected him to stay in Chicago until late Sunday afternoon, but half an hour before we were due to leave, he called, said he was 15 minutes from home, and to please wait for him. When he got home, he ran in the door, used the bathroom, and put on a suit.
Have I said how much I love that man? *blush*
My boss showed up at the funeral home (but, since her husband's family owns it, I kind of guessed she might appear)..and she gave son a sympathy card, along with a PILE of money that she had collected from the other girls at my office (there was $75 in there, I found out later!) Did I mention that I have a wonderful boss and co-workers?
My parents also arrived and stayed through the prayer service. My brother and sister-in-law put in an appearance, even my aunt and uncle (son's great-aunt and -uncle) stopped in for a few minutes.
For the most part, ex's family was very gracious...there were a few people there that I didn't know, but most of them I did.
One of ex's brothers (he's 46) had just recently been diagnosed with cancer for the second time (he had had testicular cancer 15 years ago, but had it removed and has been cancer-free since) and he's scheduled to be admitted to the hospital today for a WEEK of intensive chemotherapy. (Another reason why it was good that ex's laying-out and funeral were all on one day)...since there is such a huge risk factor for cancer in ex's family, I really don't expect exBIL (ex brother-in-law) to make it to age 50, honestly. He's a drinker (though not to the extent that ex was) and a heavy smoker...oh, and yes, he's STILL smoking.... Since this is the brother that most resembles ex in appearance, I'm afraid that when he dies, son will feel like he's reliving the death of his father all over again....
One of ex's older brothers, Jack, was called the first day that ex was admitted to the hospital. The family told him honestly that they did not expect that ex would walk out of there, and that if he wants to see his brother alive, he needs to come right away. (He lives in the Virgin Islands.) Jack said he would try get a flight as soon as he could. Well....that was three weeks ago.
And Jack never made it to the funeral, either.
The REALLY sad part was, ex IDOLIZED this older brother...and of ALL the brothers, he would have really wanted Jack to be there. The sad thing is, I think that Jack is dealing with some addiction issues of his own and couldn't come for that reason.
Ex actually looked a lot like my paternal grandfather did when he died at age 67..except ex was only 42. They did the best they could with him, especially given the money that the family could scrape together...no death certificate has been filed yet, however, so I have NO idea what was listed as his official cause of death. I hope that alcoholism IS mentioned on there, however, even if only as a contributing cause.
This morning, son and I got up early and drove back to ex's city to watch them put ex in the ground. There was no official graveside service scheduled, just son and I, ex's sister, and the guys that operate the lift. Because the wind chill was -40 F where we live, no one else turned up.
Son seems a little more grounded today...a little less openly sad, and a lot less angry/mean. I'm so glad all the arrangements are now complete. Now the healing can begin in earnest.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
It's alot for a kid to handle especially the public parts. I'm glad you had support. I'm sure it will mean alot for your son to remember that his father was mourned and repected by so many. I'm sure everyone is happy the day ended peacefully. It's been a long couple of weeks. Sleep well.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
(((sadgypsy))) I'm happy that part of it is over and as you say, the healing begins. I think it's wonderful your son was able to witness such respect for his dad. I believe it is something he will look back on later in life with a deeper understanding.
Take care.
Take care.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
((((((sadgypsy)))))
you are one classy lady. you gave your son a wonderful gift by showing such care and concern. i, too, am grateful for the show of respect for your son's sake.
take care gypsy
(((())))
you are one classy lady. you gave your son a wonderful gift by showing such care and concern. i, too, am grateful for the show of respect for your son's sake.
take care gypsy
(((())))
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