i guess it's about that time again.....
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
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i guess it's about that time again.....
xah just called...drunk...said...well, i left her. i still love you. i'm in a motel, where i usually wind up. i'll call you later. clink.
if i go back in my posts, i bet i would see a definite pattern of the timing of his contacts. not that it would matter, just kinda weird.
i bet she has lived a couple weeks of hell....i know what it's like when he wants to go isolate and drink.....he makes everyones life a living hell.
i just felt it in my bones that he was soon to make contact. i used to believe his crap when he told me of our special connection.....now i think i am just like pavlov's dogs.....my x has conditioned me to expect some sort of uproar every couple of weeks or so. when it's about time for it to happen, i start slobbering.
i also know he will be here before sun-up tomorrow morning. and i know what kind of scene it will entail.....including calling of law enforcement.
how can i break this cycle??? any advice?? i have been consistant in calling the police upon his arrival when he gets out of line, and he has been arrested every time. but it just keeps happening. i feel powerless. and i feel like the one that looks like an idiot when they haul him away.
i just want it to stop.
if i go back in my posts, i bet i would see a definite pattern of the timing of his contacts. not that it would matter, just kinda weird.
i bet she has lived a couple weeks of hell....i know what it's like when he wants to go isolate and drink.....he makes everyones life a living hell.
i just felt it in my bones that he was soon to make contact. i used to believe his crap when he told me of our special connection.....now i think i am just like pavlov's dogs.....my x has conditioned me to expect some sort of uproar every couple of weeks or so. when it's about time for it to happen, i start slobbering.
i also know he will be here before sun-up tomorrow morning. and i know what kind of scene it will entail.....including calling of law enforcement.
how can i break this cycle??? any advice?? i have been consistant in calling the police upon his arrival when he gets out of line, and he has been arrested every time. but it just keeps happening. i feel powerless. and i feel like the one that looks like an idiot when they haul him away.
i just want it to stop.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Booneyville USA
Posts: 246
Hang in there. I can't offer you any advice (you're the one who usually gives ME the advice!) But I will keep you in my prayers. Maybe if you just keep standing your ground he may eventually get the hint and go away (HA!). They're stubborn boogers aren't they?!
Funny about that "connection" we have with them tho' isn't it? We KNOW when they are about to come crawling back. That's usually when I am at my weakest and he knows it. HOW THE HECK DO THEY KNOW?!
Funny about that "connection" we have with them tho' isn't it? We KNOW when they are about to come crawling back. That's usually when I am at my weakest and he knows it. HOW THE HECK DO THEY KNOW?!
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hi,
Alot of times when I post or I read others' posts the 'answer' is already there written out. Not to agree that you are 'conditioned' but you are AWARE in advance of what he will probably do- maybe you can use this to YOUR advantage instead of being a dumping ground for his chaos filled remarks and actions.
Is there any way you can screen your calls? Maybe by doing that you won't have to listen to what he has to say. jmo Easy to say but hard to do...
hugs,
cmc
my x has conditioned me to expect some sort of uproar every couple of weeks
how can i break this cycle???
hugs,
cmc
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
Well, one thing is, he seems to still think it's about where he wants to be. I think you may suprise yourself. You said that each time you see him, some tiny part of you is happy about it. That seed concerns you. It wasn't all bad. a seed of it was good and that remains. I think you are worried about that seed taking root.
Once a man or woman has been "somewhere else", something changes forever. You may still be sad but you mourn the loss, not cling to the hope. At least it was that way for me. I missed what I hoped it would be and never was. After I learned my ex had been with another woman I found his familiarity toward me embarrassing. I didn't want to see him. I think I look back realizing he didn't humiliate me, he made me humiliate myself. I think you may be ready for him this time.
Once a man or woman has been "somewhere else", something changes forever. You may still be sad but you mourn the loss, not cling to the hope. At least it was that way for me. I missed what I hoped it would be and never was. After I learned my ex had been with another woman I found his familiarity toward me embarrassing. I didn't want to see him. I think I look back realizing he didn't humiliate me, he made me humiliate myself. I think you may be ready for him this time.
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Location: southern indiana
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you are so right, mallow. he has crossed a line that is a deal breaker.
how odd that is. after all the other crap, this deal with bringing another woman into the equation is the deal breaker for me. up till that time, i guess i always thought he would "get it" and get well, and we would have a somewhat healthy marriage.
he just called again. had a favor. wants me to collect his unemployment checks and send them to him. right. uh-huh. sure thing, bucko. i'll get right on that one deary.
anyway, i hung up, after telling him not to call anymore. he looney-tuned on and on bout how much he loved me and wanted to be with me....i said the actions of living with another woman is not love-speak for me, idiot.
ye gads.....
i know exactly what you mean about "his familiarity towards me being embarrassing"......my xh familiarity towards me feels not so very special right now. i once loved him so very dearly and felt that we were so special together. now, that has been destroyed.
he says he left her because he was sick of going to bed with her and loving me. oh puhleeaazze.....spare me the details, mr. spaceball.
he could have never said that, and it would have been quite allright with me.
how odd that is. after all the other crap, this deal with bringing another woman into the equation is the deal breaker for me. up till that time, i guess i always thought he would "get it" and get well, and we would have a somewhat healthy marriage.
he just called again. had a favor. wants me to collect his unemployment checks and send them to him. right. uh-huh. sure thing, bucko. i'll get right on that one deary.
anyway, i hung up, after telling him not to call anymore. he looney-tuned on and on bout how much he loved me and wanted to be with me....i said the actions of living with another woman is not love-speak for me, idiot.
ye gads.....
i know exactly what you mean about "his familiarity towards me being embarrassing"......my xh familiarity towards me feels not so very special right now. i once loved him so very dearly and felt that we were so special together. now, that has been destroyed.
he says he left her because he was sick of going to bed with her and loving me. oh puhleeaazze.....spare me the details, mr. spaceball.
he could have never said that, and it would have been quite allright with me.
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May You Have... Enouph happiness to keep you sweet, Trials to keep you strong, Sorrow to keep you human, Hope to keep you happy, Failure to keep you humble, Success to keep you eager, Friends to give comfort, Wealth to meet your needs, Enthusiasm to look forward, Faith to banish depression, Determination to make each day better than yesterday
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What scares me is that I think I know how he thinks. He knew he didn't have a snowballs chance of ever getting you back if he was living with another woman, of course, if you knew he left her and still loved you, he could be back tonight. Women are desperate, they are cats. They circle each other to claim the prey. What he seems to be doing is applying the way men think and act to this. I think you were supposed to go poke her in the nose and drag the kill home. When that didnt' happen, he went to plan B and that isnt' working either. The girls over at the bar would be tearing each others hair out, thumping each other in the alley. No, it isn't very appealing to me either.
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i'll not fight tooth and nail to drag back an active alcoholic to my cave. no way.
there was a time i felt like i would have stood with a torch swinging it at any woman who dared broach my territory, snarling and showing teeth, while red sparks flew up into the dark night from swinging around my club of fire.....but no more. now i'm swinging it at him.....to keep away.
he wants to come home. where is home????? now i'm feeling all confused...he is a sick man. he told me just a few minutes ago, that he would never be the average bear, that he had many issues, and as sick as he was, he knew he loved me and needed to be with me.
but what about me???? do i need him???? he sucked all my life energy out of me. and i still love him. but i can't go back there.
he has whispered into another womans lips the same terms of endearments that he used to whisper into mine. damn him. damn alcoholism.
there was a time i felt like i would have stood with a torch swinging it at any woman who dared broach my territory, snarling and showing teeth, while red sparks flew up into the dark night from swinging around my club of fire.....but no more. now i'm swinging it at him.....to keep away.
he wants to come home. where is home????? now i'm feeling all confused...he is a sick man. he told me just a few minutes ago, that he would never be the average bear, that he had many issues, and as sick as he was, he knew he loved me and needed to be with me.
but what about me???? do i need him???? he sucked all my life energy out of me. and i still love him. but i can't go back there.
he has whispered into another womans lips the same terms of endearments that he used to whisper into mine. damn him. damn alcoholism.
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i'm so sick of him pissin' on my leg and tellin me it's rainin.
that is what it is like listening to his reasoning and his conversationl.
it is such nonsense. none of it makes any sense. he is so sick.
that is what it is like listening to his reasoning and his conversationl.
it is such nonsense. none of it makes any sense. he is so sick.
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
Posts: 378
embraced,
I feel for you. I wish that you could go on vacation. Do something to get away, change what he expects to find. Something. I know it's not really an answer.
I've been through those same feelings of knowing what to expect from XABF. In fact I'm expecting the other shoe to drop soon.
Sometimes I wonder if it would just be better for everyone if I'd just move away.
As you know I was in the position of the other woman you speak of. For all I know he told his ex-wife the same things you ex tells you. He told her many times he wanted to be back with her. But after 10 years of being with him, watching him destroy cars, witnessing him held at gunpoint in an airport, her deal breaker though reluctant was his infidelity. She took him back a few times but eventually she did divorce him.
My point is that like you suspect your ex is probably making her life hell just as he did yours.
Are you at least looking forward to the Superbowl (colts fan?)
I feel for you. I wish that you could go on vacation. Do something to get away, change what he expects to find. Something. I know it's not really an answer.
I've been through those same feelings of knowing what to expect from XABF. In fact I'm expecting the other shoe to drop soon.
Sometimes I wonder if it would just be better for everyone if I'd just move away.
As you know I was in the position of the other woman you speak of. For all I know he told his ex-wife the same things you ex tells you. He told her many times he wanted to be back with her. But after 10 years of being with him, watching him destroy cars, witnessing him held at gunpoint in an airport, her deal breaker though reluctant was his infidelity. She took him back a few times but eventually she did divorce him.
My point is that like you suspect your ex is probably making her life hell just as he did yours.
Are you at least looking forward to the Superbowl (colts fan?)
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he's kickin it up a notch....just called and said....pray for me tonight, this will be my last night on this earth. remember that i always loved you.....then hung up.
i'm getting that panicy feeling. i don't even know where he is.
i'm getting that panicy feeling. i don't even know where he is.
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
Posts: 378
I hope someone comes on to comfort you. I wish so much that it could be impossible for him to reach you.
It's such a cruel thing for anyone to threaten their own life and torment another in the process. If he calls again perhaps you could just tell him that you have prayed for him and that is the greatest gift to give. Now his life is in his own hands.
It's such a cruel thing for anyone to threaten their own life and torment another in the process. If he calls again perhaps you could just tell him that you have prayed for him and that is the greatest gift to give. Now his life is in his own hands.
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he has threatened this so many times....but we have all seen from these boards that they actually do it. i've got to let go and let god. he is in gods hands.
i'm thinking....do i call the county i think he is in, and tell the law?
i'm thinking....do i call the county i think he is in, and tell the law?
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 89
Oh Embraced, I'm so sorry he's putting you through this!! My ex threatened to hang himself if I left. He didn't. I hope your ex doesn't really mean it, either. Like the others said, "Let go and let God." (And yes, if you can call the police, do so). (((HUGE HUGS)))
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
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You really have no choice but to turn it over. Trust God. If you decided to find him, you couldn't. You don't know where he is. Do you have star 69?
If you feel like you need to try something, I say go ahead. Call the police or try having his call traced. If you find him, you don't have to go there. If he calls again, see if you can find out where he is. You needn't apologize or explain yourself. If this is a crisis, you will have doen what you can. If it isn't, nothing has changed. Right?
If you feel like you need to try something, I say go ahead. Call the police or try having his call traced. If you find him, you don't have to go there. If he calls again, see if you can find out where he is. You needn't apologize or explain yourself. If this is a crisis, you will have doen what you can. If it isn't, nothing has changed. Right?
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