i guess it's about that time again.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
yes....nothing has changed. this is what he always does. and it is what i always do. get all paniced about him dying. he hasnt died yet.
lord, i'm handing this to you. i am sorry that i felt like it was mine to handle. please keep all those out there lost in your loving grace. your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
thank you, my friends...i love you all.
lord, i'm handing this to you. i am sorry that i felt like it was mine to handle. please keep all those out there lost in your loving grace. your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
thank you, my friends...i love you all.
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
You know it’s odd, my ex like to keep all her ex’s tied to her.
She goes back and forth between all of them. I’m number 3.
I refuse to do that though.
I find that deal breaker of being with another the worst.
Yeah I understand that she was with others before me, but the fact remains of going to another after me.
I think not picking up would be a good start when the phone rings.
She goes back and forth between all of them. I’m number 3.
I refuse to do that though.
I find that deal breaker of being with another the worst.
Yeah I understand that she was with others before me, but the fact remains of going to another after me.
I think not picking up would be a good start when the phone rings.
Hug giver-outer!
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: The State of Possibilities
Posts: 533
So many addicts seem to use suicide as an attempt to "control". My addict daughter used to use it and even attempted it but when we stopped playing into her drama, it stopped.
There is no guarantee that it will but even with my AD, I have HAD to accept the fact that I cannot save her from herself and I can't stop her. I hate it but I cannot change it.
I'm so sorry!
There is no guarantee that it will but even with my AD, I have HAD to accept the fact that I cannot save her from herself and I can't stop her. I hate it but I cannot change it.
I'm so sorry!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hey there Jeri 
I'm so sorry you're going thru this. Here's a few ideas, take what works for you and leave the rest.
I understand that you have to pick up the phone cuz of your job, but you don't have to _answer_ him once you know it's him. You _are_ allowed to hang up on him. Why don't you try that the next few calls just to see how it works for ya.
You are not supposed to swing torches at other cavewomen to protect your man. Your man is suposed to stande _beside_ you swinging torches _with_ you against the hardships of the world. If your man is not standing beside you, he's not your man.
The reason us alkies keep calling the codies in our life when we're active in our drinking is becuase the codies keep answering the phone. They keep opening the door to the house, they keep talking to us, they keep trying to fix us. As long as we can suck another drop of attention, money and shelter out of them we will continue to do so. A dog never snifs around a clean yard.
If you _really_ want to help him, stop encouraging him to come around. As long as we can find _anybody_ to protect us from the consequences of our own behavior we have no motivation to stop. Hang up the phone, don't open the door, get a restraining order.
If I may take a bit out of my own heart and offer it to you. When my ex-wife was running around with her boyfriends I still had the hope that she would change and give me the marriage I dreamed of. I had to look at _me_ and ask myself why I would want a dream marriage with a nightmare wife. Why did I want to change _her_ instead of finding a decent woman that _already_ was the kind of person I wanted.
Nice people are not that hard to find, there's only like 3 or 400 hundred of you right here on this forum.
You deserve better, Jeri. You _are_ worthy of a decent man and a good life. If you can't believe it for yourself then just believe that _I_ believe it, and so does everybody else on this forum. We may not be the most "together" people around, but we are durn good at "reading character"
Mike
I'm so sorry you're going thru this. Here's a few ideas, take what works for you and leave the rest.
I understand that you have to pick up the phone cuz of your job, but you don't have to _answer_ him once you know it's him. You _are_ allowed to hang up on him. Why don't you try that the next few calls just to see how it works for ya.
You are not supposed to swing torches at other cavewomen to protect your man. Your man is suposed to stande _beside_ you swinging torches _with_ you against the hardships of the world. If your man is not standing beside you, he's not your man.
The reason us alkies keep calling the codies in our life when we're active in our drinking is becuase the codies keep answering the phone. They keep opening the door to the house, they keep talking to us, they keep trying to fix us. As long as we can suck another drop of attention, money and shelter out of them we will continue to do so. A dog never snifs around a clean yard.
If you _really_ want to help him, stop encouraging him to come around. As long as we can find _anybody_ to protect us from the consequences of our own behavior we have no motivation to stop. Hang up the phone, don't open the door, get a restraining order.
If I may take a bit out of my own heart and offer it to you. When my ex-wife was running around with her boyfriends I still had the hope that she would change and give me the marriage I dreamed of. I had to look at _me_ and ask myself why I would want a dream marriage with a nightmare wife. Why did I want to change _her_ instead of finding a decent woman that _already_ was the kind of person I wanted.
Nice people are not that hard to find, there's only like 3 or 400 hundred of you right here on this forum.
You deserve better, Jeri. You _are_ worthy of a decent man and a good life. If you can't believe it for yourself then just believe that _I_ believe it, and so does everybody else on this forum. We may not be the most "together" people around, but we are durn good at "reading character"
Mike
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
mike....i love ya darlin!!!!!
i need an ear de-magnetizionifer....so that the phone doesn't stick to my ear the minute i hear his miserable voice.
you all have just given me one.
thanks all......i truly do love you all...my kindred spirit cyber friends.
we all know how f'ed up we can get in two seconds flat, don't we?
i need an ear de-magnetizionifer....so that the phone doesn't stick to my ear the minute i hear his miserable voice.
you all have just given me one.
thanks all......i truly do love you all...my kindred spirit cyber friends.
we all know how f'ed up we can get in two seconds flat, don't we?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
Hi Embraced2000, I dont know your whole story but it sounds like you love him, worry for him, but know he is not healthy to anybody and until he changes, it is not in your best interest to associate with him right?
I guess just as alcoholics hit their bottom, us codependants may have to hit ours first before we change ourselves too. For me, it was a last hurt my ex did to me, it wouldve been different if she just said sorry and tried to heal it but she got mad and said I was taking her away from where she wanted to be (partying with friends). So since the apology was not even there, and it was one hurt too much, I finally hit my low and told her never to contact me again.
I drove off, and as weak as I was and as much pain I was in, I never picked up her call or contacted her ever again. A few months go by and what a time... I was having problems with work and my love life, the job I was at was unhealthy and filled with drama (of course I stay the same way I was with my ex!) and my ex called me after a few months of nothing. But that was it, I decided it was time to break all contact and I never allowed myself to reconnect.
Sometimes I even think about saying thanks, or wishing her well or whatever!!! But then I think its not worth the potential problems that may arise (lots of hell).
So, it sounds like to me you maybe trying to leave the relationship? If yes, then I would say you are not really leaving yet, you still pick up his phone call is a strong sign your still somewhat not leaving. When you decide to leave, you'll find yourself truly disconnecting and there will be no more games for your husband to play. You will know, when youve left! There will be no questions needed on how to leave, or what to do...
I dont know your whole story so forgive me if I'm off!!!
It sounds like you are holding up strong, and are going through a LOT! I feel your pressures and passion, and I know you will figure out and handle everything the way it was destined to be!!!
Best wishes and Loves to you always
I guess just as alcoholics hit their bottom, us codependants may have to hit ours first before we change ourselves too. For me, it was a last hurt my ex did to me, it wouldve been different if she just said sorry and tried to heal it but she got mad and said I was taking her away from where she wanted to be (partying with friends). So since the apology was not even there, and it was one hurt too much, I finally hit my low and told her never to contact me again.
I drove off, and as weak as I was and as much pain I was in, I never picked up her call or contacted her ever again. A few months go by and what a time... I was having problems with work and my love life, the job I was at was unhealthy and filled with drama (of course I stay the same way I was with my ex!) and my ex called me after a few months of nothing. But that was it, I decided it was time to break all contact and I never allowed myself to reconnect.
Sometimes I even think about saying thanks, or wishing her well or whatever!!! But then I think its not worth the potential problems that may arise (lots of hell).
So, it sounds like to me you maybe trying to leave the relationship? If yes, then I would say you are not really leaving yet, you still pick up his phone call is a strong sign your still somewhat not leaving. When you decide to leave, you'll find yourself truly disconnecting and there will be no more games for your husband to play. You will know, when youve left! There will be no questions needed on how to leave, or what to do...
I dont know your whole story so forgive me if I'm off!!!
It sounds like you are holding up strong, and are going through a LOT! I feel your pressures and passion, and I know you will figure out and handle everything the way it was destined to be!!!
Best wishes and Loves to you always
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I feel like we are a nationwide AMES. (alcoholic medical emergency response service). We should get a 4 wheel drive, a beacon light that we can slap on the roof when we get a call, each one of us should have a walkie talkie and a head set. our SUV would have all the medical junk but in the glass case on the wall is an encased budweiser for emergencies only. We could talk turns being on call.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
ROFLMAO!!!!! MALLOW!!! man, we're good at that chit, huh??? i want head set walkie-talkies with sunglasses like "dog, the bounty hunter" wears.....and a fancy can of mace strapped to my leg, and i want to jingle when i walk with all the equipment.
well, he didn't call anymore after the suidcide, kinda-sorta-maybe implication, and i shut the phone off right after that call and closed up the office....all my guests were already in, anyway.....so i just shut it down.
no contact this morning. all is well, so far.
i just thought of something else he said....he says...in a very grandiose way.....i left everything. i left a house......
WTF!!!!!!.......he's been there, what????.....one friggin month????? and it's her brothers house????? he says, well, i've been paying, too. my lands.....he is so out of it.
oh, i just feel so grateful that i am only upset, and not out of total sync with life and society.
well, he didn't call anymore after the suidcide, kinda-sorta-maybe implication, and i shut the phone off right after that call and closed up the office....all my guests were already in, anyway.....so i just shut it down.
no contact this morning. all is well, so far.
i just thought of something else he said....he says...in a very grandiose way.....i left everything. i left a house......
WTF!!!!!!.......he's been there, what????.....one friggin month????? and it's her brothers house????? he says, well, i've been paying, too. my lands.....he is so out of it.
oh, i just feel so grateful that i am only upset, and not out of total sync with life and society.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
Now, I want that one on a tee shirt. That's classic. "He didn't call me after the suicide". We could get jackets too. Since it's our SUV we can stock it with what ever we want. "Niner, niner, come in embraced!, we've got a leaper in Ohio". Can't you see us all lined up in our rescue garb ready to serve? Our EMS bag would have the Alanon bylaws, some scented candles, bubble bath and a portable phone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
Originally Posted by mallowcup 
Now, I want that one on a tee shirt. That's classic. "He didn't call me after the suicide". We could get jackets too. Since it's our SUV we can stock it with what ever we want. "Niner, niner, come in embraced!, we've got a leaper in Ohio". Can't you see us all lined up in our rescue garb ready to serve? Our EMS bag would have the Alanon bylaws, some scented candles, bubble bath and a portable phone.
now we will need at least two responders.....one to shove him over the cliff, and the other to draw the bubble bath and make cup of tea for his tormented al-anonian. we will take turns with the shoving. or we could draw short straws.....
we will also need a wallly world gift card to give her, since she probably hasn't bought anything for herself in a very long time.
and a lawyer on our team....we're gonna need a GOOD one!!!!
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