Dolorosa

WantsOut!!!!! I'm so happy you're back!!! I've missed you - we have a lot in common (unfortunately). ((((HUGS)))) I know how hard it is to let go.

WantsOut

yes, survival mode. I see what you mean. I'm very confused and upset. I'm not really sure which way is up, y'know?

WantsOut

I know it's time to let this all go. I still haven't found a job but I know I'm going to get one soon. I've been holding on too - I have my own flaws. It hasn't been fair to either of us.

embraced2000

you may just be confused, wantsout.....not mean or anything like that.

hells fire.....how could one not be confused living within the effects of alcoholism????

your posts screamed to me that you truly felt you could support him....there is nothing wrong with that....you were just showing your love for him, even though he is an alcoholic. you wanted to help him. that does not make you not nice.

alcoholism is very confusing. don't be so hard on yourself about your actions.
we've all had to learn the hard way.

WantsOut

I'm rethinking this now. I had a drinking problem. I got a DUI ten years ago. I lost my license for six months and had a child to take care of. I managed to get to work, do my stuff, etc without sucking the life out of everyone around me. I was half his age then. I even quit drinking within the year and haven't touched alcohol in 9 years. Why am I giving him a pass for being in "survival mode"? I've been down and in trouble before. I dealt with it. I didn't even have any money to help me through it like he does.

More to think about ...

newenglandgirl

Glad you're back Wantsout.
You got lots of smarts

IrshIzNotSmilin

Everyone in their lives has to face themselves in the mirror. Many of us who have to do that come screaming and kicking into reality. This is his process. He will either see his reflection for what it is or he may continue to say mirror mirror on the wall until he gets the skewed answer he wants. Nevertheless, you cannot allow yourself to be emotionally manipulated in this fashion. As hard as this is he needs you to not be involved. If you are not involved and nobody bails him out his HP will help him find his path and if that is no recovery for him then so be it and if it is then so be it. Either way it is a lifetime of a journey. My heart goes out to you I totally understand these feeling when we are emotionally manipulated. Irsh.

denny57

That's a good question. IMHO, he shouldn't "get a pass." What I meant by that statement is I learned not to expect rational thought or action from an addict. If you believe he can just quit as you did, then you're dealing with another beast altogether.

In the end, what I now understand is to keep the focus on me. No expectations from a drunk. And no using my anger at his actions to keep me from taking those I needed to for myself.

Take care.