new and Need advice about a friend
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: SK
Posts: 1
new and Need advice about a friend
Hey everyone,
I have been friends with a guy for 6 or 7 months. He had quit drinking before i met him, not sure how long before i met him though. We are pretty good friends now and usually talk every other night or so, sometimes more. He has recently started drinking again. I was talking with him the other night he said he was going to go out drinking, and i tried to convince him not to, but it didnt work. Some of his friends went to try to get him out of the bar that night but they couldnt.
I can notice a difference in talking to him already and it scares me. He just doesnt seem to care about anything or anyone. In a conversation we had the other day he admitted he was drinking too much and was in trouble but it was going to take him hitting rock bottom to quit again, but that he didnt know if he would make it that far or if it would kill him first. I had no idea what to say. I was really glad that he knew he was in trouble and knew he was drinking too much. I think thats a good thing....right???? I just let him know that i was here for him, along with a whole group of friends if he ever wanted to talk or anyone to help him.
Is there anything else i can say, or should have said? Any other suggestions on how i can convince him to at least try to quit drinking again?
Thanks so much for any help
I have been friends with a guy for 6 or 7 months. He had quit drinking before i met him, not sure how long before i met him though. We are pretty good friends now and usually talk every other night or so, sometimes more. He has recently started drinking again. I was talking with him the other night he said he was going to go out drinking, and i tried to convince him not to, but it didnt work. Some of his friends went to try to get him out of the bar that night but they couldnt.
I can notice a difference in talking to him already and it scares me. He just doesnt seem to care about anything or anyone. In a conversation we had the other day he admitted he was drinking too much and was in trouble but it was going to take him hitting rock bottom to quit again, but that he didnt know if he would make it that far or if it would kill him first. I had no idea what to say. I was really glad that he knew he was in trouble and knew he was drinking too much. I think thats a good thing....right???? I just let him know that i was here for him, along with a whole group of friends if he ever wanted to talk or anyone to help him.
Is there anything else i can say, or should have said? Any other suggestions on how i can convince him to at least try to quit drinking again?
Thanks so much for any help
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Welcome Countrygirl... sorry your friend is having this problem.
To be really honest! 6 or 7 months? I would probably have to just walk away. If you have not had alot of experience with Alcoholics I can understand why you would wnt to be there for him and its a wonderful thing to want to help him. He is right there is no help for him but rock bottom and unfortunally that can hurt alot of other people then him. There is nothing you or anyone can do or say that is going to get him to stop drinking hon.... and honestly its not your job to do that.
My suggestion would be to learn all you can ... then set boundries and let him do what he has to do.... but I hope that you can become detached for your own emotional health.
To be really honest! 6 or 7 months? I would probably have to just walk away. If you have not had alot of experience with Alcoholics I can understand why you would wnt to be there for him and its a wonderful thing to want to help him. He is right there is no help for him but rock bottom and unfortunally that can hurt alot of other people then him. There is nothing you or anyone can do or say that is going to get him to stop drinking hon.... and honestly its not your job to do that.
My suggestion would be to learn all you can ... then set boundries and let him do what he has to do.... but I hope that you can become detached for your own emotional health.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Welcome to SR, This is the greatest site. Sorry you didn't get replys right off, guess everyone went to bed early tonight. Others will be by in AM.
The honest truth is, there is nothing we can say or do to help them, or make them see, or understand. The big book of AA says,"We deal with alcohol, cunning, baffeling and powerful" That seems to be the truth.
I know you care, we all do, so might I suggest you read all the threads on here and read the stickey's at the top where you started your thread , under Classic Reading there is a list of good books to read, this disease is the strangest most horrible disease ever.
Again Welcome, keep coming back. Take what you can use and leave the rest. Try Al-Anon also.
I goofed around, see Cynay shared in the meantime. I agree, best to walk away, but read all you can as in our world we run into it everywhere.
The honest truth is, there is nothing we can say or do to help them, or make them see, or understand. The big book of AA says,"We deal with alcohol, cunning, baffeling and powerful" That seems to be the truth.
I know you care, we all do, so might I suggest you read all the threads on here and read the stickey's at the top where you started your thread , under Classic Reading there is a list of good books to read, this disease is the strangest most horrible disease ever.
Again Welcome, keep coming back. Take what you can use and leave the rest. Try Al-Anon also.
I goofed around, see Cynay shared in the meantime. I agree, best to walk away, but read all you can as in our world we run into it everywhere.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
welcome countrygirl,
your friend is lucky to have you. unfortunately, he has to decide on his own to stay sober. alanon meetings might be helpful for you. meanwhile, remember this about your friend's addiction - you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you cannot cure it.
keep posting! blessings, k
your friend is lucky to have you. unfortunately, he has to decide on his own to stay sober. alanon meetings might be helpful for you. meanwhile, remember this about your friend's addiction - you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you cannot cure it.
keep posting! blessings, k
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
welcome, countrygirl
I agree with the other posters. I would just add that I sensed from your post that he is putting out feelers for an enabler - you. Now is the time to draw firm lines in the sand.
Good luck and keep posting.
I agree with the other posters. I would just add that I sensed from your post that he is putting out feelers for an enabler - you. Now is the time to draw firm lines in the sand.
Good luck and keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 264
In reading what you are saying:
he was going to go out drinking, and i tried to convince him not to, but it didnt work. Some of his friends went to try to get him out of the bar that night but they couldnt.
I can notice a difference in talking to him already and it scares me. He just doesnt seem to care
This person sounds like he is pretty satisfied with where he is and how things are going for him.
What you say here:
Is there anything else i can say, or should have said? Any other suggestions on how i can convince him to at least try to quit drinking again?
This causes me to be concerned about your well-being. This kind of thinking can eat a person up inside, and kill one's spirit, because they have so much invested in someone else's recovery.
No one will ever be able to convince someone not to drink if that person wants to. And no one will ever be able to convince someone TO drink if that person doesn't want to. They say in AA- "I can't get someone else drunk, and I can't get 'em sober..."
As a recovering A, when I was expressing things in the way your friend seems to be expressing them, I was not ready to quit. Not even close.
I can also relate to your wanting to fix things for him. It is very important that you accept that you cannot. You can only fix things for you.
Have you read CODEPENDENT NO MORE by Melody Beattie? It's a very illuminating book that you might get something out of, too.
Peace to you.
he was going to go out drinking, and i tried to convince him not to, but it didnt work. Some of his friends went to try to get him out of the bar that night but they couldnt.
I can notice a difference in talking to him already and it scares me. He just doesnt seem to care
This person sounds like he is pretty satisfied with where he is and how things are going for him.
What you say here:
Is there anything else i can say, or should have said? Any other suggestions on how i can convince him to at least try to quit drinking again?
This causes me to be concerned about your well-being. This kind of thinking can eat a person up inside, and kill one's spirit, because they have so much invested in someone else's recovery.
No one will ever be able to convince someone not to drink if that person wants to. And no one will ever be able to convince someone TO drink if that person doesn't want to. They say in AA- "I can't get someone else drunk, and I can't get 'em sober..."
As a recovering A, when I was expressing things in the way your friend seems to be expressing them, I was not ready to quit. Not even close.
I can also relate to your wanting to fix things for him. It is very important that you accept that you cannot. You can only fix things for you.
Have you read CODEPENDENT NO MORE by Melody Beattie? It's a very illuminating book that you might get something out of, too.
Peace to you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
