bella vida

Hi. About 2 hours ago, my live-in boyfriend broke down and admitted that he was drunk and scared. He started crying, told me that he was scared that I was going to leave him. He also said that he is scared because he knows I do not like people who are weak and that he is weak. He said that the alcohol makes him numb and that he hates himself. He then proceeded to cry himself to sleep and he is still sleeping on the couch.

This is the first time that he has spoken about this, but it is not the first time that he has come home drunk from work. We have a wonderful life together, but he went through 10 years of pain, guilt, and deception before we met. I know that he had a long conversation about the past with his mom today and I'm pretty sure that is why he wanted to numb himself today.

I would appreciate any advice... should I seek out a counselor, AA meetings, talk to his family?

Thanks for listening,
bella vida

mallowcup

I think I'd start with a sober conversation in the morning. He has opened the door to conversation about it. If he is drinking to numb some pain, he needs to address that pain because the alcohol isn't working. It can be a quiet conversation fruitful conversation.

dayxday

I agree with mallowcup, he has opened the door for conversation, talking with him when he is sober is the perfect time.

I knew that my husband had issues with emotional pain and discovered that his drinking was increasing because of it. After he went through treatment, he now acknowledges that he drank to numb the pain

No one here can tell you if he does have a problem with alcohol, but based on what you have posted, I would suggest continuing to read posts here, read the alanon self test at the top and find the nearest alanon meeting to obtain more information.

Good luck and prayers to you.

bella vida

Well, I made it through the night of tears. I ended up waking him up around midnight and helping him upstairs to bed. This morning he woke up and I was so happy to see the man I love back and alert. He turned to me and told me he loved me and he was sorry. He said that he needed to grow up and accept the fact that he is happy now and there is nothing to be scared of. He mentioned that he used to see a therapist once a week, years ago when he was involved in an emtionally abusive relationship and was drinking a lot. I asked if he was going to call him, but he said that he just needs to straigten up himself and stop worrying. I asked him what I should do if he comes home drunk again and he said that it's not going to happen.

I'm glad that we had a good conversation and I guess all I can do now is pray that he learns to truly love himself and to not turn to alcohol when he gets scared and insecure.

Is it a problem that he's not going to call the therapist? Should I? Should I discuss this with his mom, who he is very close to?

IrshIzNotSmilin

Deep seeded issues often do not go away on their own maybe your partner is different. I hope so for him. Who has the issues the fear and anxiety? If the answer is you then call the therapist so you can go and /or share it with your family. If you answer it is not you then I think he is going to have to figure that out for himself. If he does come home drunk again then you will have to figure out how you want to handle that for you. Because if he does come home drunk again it is about him not you. I wish you peace and him wellness. Welcome bella.

denny57

hi bella and welcome

I would seek out a counselor for YOU, look into Al-Anon meetings for YOU and talk to YOUR family and friends about YOU.

Several years into my 18 year relationship with AH we had similar teary conversations.

Choosing to stay with someone who knows they have a drinking problem, yet believes they can will it away, will probably guarantee an exciting, roller-coaster ride for your life together. Arming yourself now, at the beginning, with the tools you will need to live this life, will be the best gift you can give yourself.

Take care.

Pick-a-name

Sadly,it sounds like a stage my AH husband had during the progression of his alcoholism. He thought HE could control/manage it..... If your AH is an alcoholic, it will eventually get worse;for him and (without help for yourself) for you. (Now it must be me or the kids,etc.,etc. that is "the problem" that "makes him have to drink".....not).

I hope the best for both of you. Stick around and post and read and learn about alcoholism/addiction. It can only help.

lilac

It is a progressive disease. My Ah still thinks he can just "cut back" and everything will be fine.

WantsOut

We went through that "I'll do it on my own" junk about 150 times. He didn't like AA - it was full of grubby, blue collar losers and they were all liars and half of them were still drinking and quackquackquackquackquackquackquackquackquack ...

bella vida

Thank you to everyone for their replies... I will continue to read posts and begin to educate myself on this disease.