stillsearching

Today I had to fill out some paperwork and my husband needed to sign it. I left to go pick up my daughter and told him that he needed to sign it in the lower right hand corner. Now I know he has been drinking today starting early because he is off work today. Well, I get home and he signed it all right...but you can hardly read it because of his drinking. But, I didn't say a word about it. He then walked through the kitchen and said...well I wish the pen would have worked better so I could have signed the paper better.

I can not get over it!!!! I had to chuckle because of what he said....what a dumb thing to say! I still didn't say a word and thought how dumb does he think I am?? Obviously it worried him enough to try to make an excuse to me about....ughhhhhhhhh.

Also, I am curious as to how many people here still live with their AH and why they stay or why you left? I am staying for now and trying to get some kind of education and job...I have been a stay at home Mom for 12 yrs now. Just curious about others....Thanks.....

wheretobegin

that was funny. It never stops, until the drinking does. Best wishes and big hugs to you.

dollydo

I chuckled....oops sorry.

I divorced my ex-hubby when the humor of his drinking no longer made me laugh.

Hugs,
Dolly

WantsOut

Why did I leave? Because his behavior was unliveable and he was not going to change. So to make my life better, I changed.

sunwish

Hi Stillsearching...I am currently living w/ my AH of 13 years but it won't be much longer. I have to get some financial stuff in order and he will be leaving. I finally realized I can't continue living this way and slowly over the years my feeling for him have changed. It is good that you are taking care of yourself and that you have a plan. Good Luck!

embraced2000

those damn ink pens!! we should protest the shoddy workmanship.

angelonmyshould

I still live with my AH. I, too, am an at home mom for about the same amount of time. It goy better when I started to get better (by going to Al-Anon).

I started going to meeting before he got sober. They helped me get thru some pretty rough times with him - the dry drunk symdrome, a second DUI, his lying about not drinking, etc. If I didn't have the people from MY meetings I would not have made it thru as well as I did.

And those pens just need to go back to the store and demand a refund!

cupowater

Hi! I stay because i moved back here (we are devorced and I moved back in 5 1/2 years ago) so that we could start over and continue with the family we started out raising. We had good dreams. We did a good job raising our kids. But when i moved back the drinking got worse. I guess a part of me still holds on to the passed ideals and hopes. But aside from the drinking (which is becoming a bigger part of our lives) there are some good times. I haven't reached that point of breakage yet. And I am not finantually able to live the life I want yet. I could do it, but my quality of life would suffer emencly! (sp)

dayxday

T had this problem too. When we were first dating I so admired how nice his writing was for a man. Then I started noticing how bad it was getting. I thought it was just because he was beginning to wear reading glasses/problems with his eyes. After 2 months of sobriety I started noticing a drastic change in his writing, looks much nicer like it used to.

I am still with my AH because I do love him and because he is trying. He may not being doing exactly as I would like, in the speed I would like but he is trying. Tomorrow he will have 90 days of sobriety.

On the flip side, I have had enough. If he chooses to drink again – I’m outta here! I have also made it clear to him that he must work on his A behavior because even though he isn’t drinking he still behaves like an A a lot of the time and I am not going to live with that either.

I know that everyone here loves or has loved their A. I believe the success rate for sobriety is around 25% (please correct me if I’m wrong) and I think most of us hope or have hoped that our loved one will be one of the successful ones in that category. Unfortunately the larger percentage doesn’t succeed and some find it not only necessary but required to move on in order to save themselves from the insanity that circles around alcholism.

Through prayer and alanon I have learned a lot about me, what is acceptable and what is not. I haven’t decided yet if I will stay or leave, instead I am leaving my options open based on how he approaches his sobriety and recovery.

domelia

hi,

I'm still with my AH. Whe have been married 15 years and 11 year old twins. I've been to my second alanon meeting and the kids have been to their second alateen meeting also. I am not ready yet to separate. I am getting myself financially set so I can do it by myself. My main focus right now is myself and my children. And I need to be stronger for me to make that step. Alot depends on my AH. If he continues to drink then eventually he'll have to leave, but if he gets help then maybe we can make it work.

cupowater

See, this is what I hate! Living in this uncertain Limbo!!! (which is why you see the word "limbo" under my screen name!)

Heavenlyx3

He just moved out this past Sat. after 18 years and 3 children.

IrshIzNotSmilin

Hi StillSearching: I have been with my AH for about 3 years married a little over 1. I stay because I love him and he loves me. I know that and he is not perfect and neither am I. I detach with love I focus on myself I attend al-anon albeit online because I can't get a convenient meeting, and I am in private counseling per week. I have a good counselor who has helped me very much. My AH does the same things. Usually it is at nite and we will be out and I will say I will drive and he will say ok because he is tired. That is a hahahaha moment. I look at it this way. I don't want to control this because I don't need to it makes me uncomfortable. If his actions hence that bad pen, make that document illegal or not accepted then he will have to face that. Here is a cute story. Over christmas we bought a food gift for a friend. One drunken nite my AH let my stepson eat it. In the morning AH tells me that uh-oh son ate the food. I said to him you know son should be told to ask first before he eats it. (I had been asleep) He had to admit his wrong now because I said I was going to talk to stepson , uh oh, He says UH I told him he could eat that one, didn't you buy another one we could give them? I said yes I bought another one but that is going to my friend and I can't give you that. He never said anything. He knew. He is not stupid and he knew that I knew but we don't need to talk about it. Why bother? They are going to do it anyway. So he ended up buying another gift. That was that. Best to you. Irsh

cupowater

Sounds like how things "work" in my house Irshiznotsmilin.

IrshIzNotSmilin

Too true. If you don't laugh you'd cry. I just keep saying it is the disease. I love a man with a disease. It makes me feel less crazy.

BigGirlPanties

If the pen would only get sober...... *sigh*

you have a good attitude....keep it up.

parentrecovers

alcoholics are so NOT rational. it's ridiculous really...

queenteree

I totally agree with Irsh - that's how I work it in my house too. I love my AH, he's a great husband (both drunk and sober), great father and grandfather and 99% of the time we get along well. At one time we didn't, but you get to learn the right mix and once you realize it's the disease, not the person, and you can find humor, such as the "pen" or my favorite - if you didn't see him drink, he's not drunk, it's alot easier. I still have my moments where I get angry, but in all reality, what does that solve. QT