Discust
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: somewhere out there
Posts: 41
Discust
He came home and there was that google-eyed, slack jawed, sour beer,farting,stupid sounding, person who in the middle of the night pees anywhere (including on me) thinking its the toilet, and I looked at him and felt such profound discust. I felt ashamed for feeling that way. How many times can you be peed on in bed, pawed at, called the most vile names, be slobbered on, listen to god awful snoring..I could go on and on. and not be angry. Im angry and totally grossed out. When I go home from work tonight the whole house will smell like the bathroom at a seedy bar. Maybe I'll get a hotel tonight until the smell is gone and I can speak without contempt.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
well, it's ok to feel that way. it's not like you are making it up....it is the truth, and the truth, in this case is not very pretty or pleasant.
don't be so hard on yourself....and maybe the motel room for the night would be a real nice treat for you. a peaceful night, control of the remote, rent the latest movies, facial, self-spa-ing night.....i'd go home and grab my favorite pillow, all my facial stuff, favorite jammies, a nice candle and go.
don't be so hard on yourself....and maybe the motel room for the night would be a real nice treat for you. a peaceful night, control of the remote, rent the latest movies, facial, self-spa-ing night.....i'd go home and grab my favorite pillow, all my facial stuff, favorite jammies, a nice candle and go.
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Happy with me !
Posts: 680
Embraced is right.........maybe the night to yourself is a good idea. I am sorry you are going thru this. My AH never pee'd on me, but anywhere else in the house he could aim for. My walk in closet was his favorite.
I'll be thinking about you......
I'll be thinking about you......
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
we're missing out on something here girls.....there has got to be a way to make millions of dollars out of solving the peeing all over the place by the alcoholic......like a depend with an appendage so they THINK they are peeing by themselves.....oh that is bad, so bad....forgive me. i'm sorry. i'll be good now.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
kindred......i used to go away for several days at a time to recoup. and i would really dread coming back, too. but it was bliss while i was gone.
i understand the disgust you are feeling so well....i've had those same things happen to me....one time, he even lost control of his bowels. just so gross.
i hope you get to go away for a night or two and just bask in your quiet. sometimes motels will give special deals if you ask.....
i understand the disgust you are feeling so well....i've had those same things happen to me....one time, he even lost control of his bowels. just so gross.
i hope you get to go away for a night or two and just bask in your quiet. sometimes motels will give special deals if you ask.....
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
i used to go away for several days at a time to recoup. and i would really dread coming back, too. but it was bliss while i was gone.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
yup....had to practically beat my own hind end to make myself go back. i went back because it was my home.....he was the one who needed to go.
when i went away and it was so nice, i would then get really upset because here i was, sitting in a cabin by the lake, and he was in my home, with my things, strutting around like king kong with a drink in his hand....hells fire...he had it made, didn't he???
so then i knew it was him that needed to go, not me.
but the days away were really, really nice....
when i went away and it was so nice, i would then get really upset because here i was, sitting in a cabin by the lake, and he was in my home, with my things, strutting around like king kong with a drink in his hand....hells fire...he had it made, didn't he???
so then i knew it was him that needed to go, not me.
but the days away were really, really nice....
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
I think it's somewhere on this forum, but I remember very clearly one night that AH urinated in the clothes basket in the bathroom. After I got him to bed, I cleaned up the mess. I was on my hands and knees and had an out of body type experience. I flash backed to a time about 16 years before that where I'd been in the exact physical position (pregnant at the time and cleaning up vomit) but that was a lightbulb moment for me. I realized that in those 16 years, I had come full circle of sorts. I was still in the exact same place doing the exact same thing I'd been doing our entire marriage. I believe that night was truly the beginning of my recovery.
Just like you - I felt utter disgust. There were no other words to exlpain how I felt. It was the beginning of the end of our marriage and the beginning of my recovery.
While I've been through H*ll and have had my time of struggles - I no longer have to deal with that sort of thing and I am very grateful. Thinking back on that night for me now as I sit here is just so very depressing for me as it's a reflection of the life that I had in my marriage.
I am in no means telling you to leave or anything - I just wanted to share with you that I can relate to feeling nothing but disgust for the A in our lives at times. I, too, have been there.
Just like you - I felt utter disgust. There were no other words to exlpain how I felt. It was the beginning of the end of our marriage and the beginning of my recovery.
While I've been through H*ll and have had my time of struggles - I no longer have to deal with that sort of thing and I am very grateful. Thinking back on that night for me now as I sit here is just so very depressing for me as it's a reflection of the life that I had in my marriage.
I am in no means telling you to leave or anything - I just wanted to share with you that I can relate to feeling nothing but disgust for the A in our lives at times. I, too, have been there.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
vermont....yesssss....and those wonderful sugar shacks....fall colors, the smell of the wood burning, and the steam rolling out of the stacks on the sugar shacks, and that sweet smell of syrup.....
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Ca
Posts: 69
I often look at apartmentguide.com and plan what type of furniture and decorations I would buy. Of course, I would have to move home to my parents for about six months first, but a small, clean apartment is so refreshing sounding.
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