Cynay

Maybe its a good thing I dont have a sponsor right now, If I did I would feel ganged up on.... This is what we are working on now.

I have to work at keeping a balance in my life. My Therapist and I have been talking alot about that lately.... She would like to see me participating in other activities as well as my recovery, this last week she also made me promise not to date ANY alcoholic for 3 months ... since Im always around the program those are the people I meet and she would like to see more of a balance for me and not get too focused only on recovery or the people in it. For me it can be replacing one addiction for another...

Sometimes all this just gets on my last nerve.... Im just venting my frustrations is all. Its not that I dont agree with her or try it, its more that I feel like I never get it right ... gggeeezzzz work the program, work on balance, work on career, work on relationships.... Wayyyyy too much work and not enough fun.... what happened to just letting life happen?

parentrecovers

it is so much work, i understand. relax. have some simple fun. you deserve it! blessings, k

alison30

I could do with some fun right now and much much less .......stress

xxxalison30xxxxxx

steady14

Life is hard. I do think that your therapist is giving you good advice. We all need balance in our lives in order to be happy and complete. Too much or too little of anything can lead to stagnation of our personal growth.

Besides, getting out and doing new things will likely provide opportunities to meet others who are not alcoholic since you are apparently in an environment where that's who you tend to interact with.

Not that dating or a relationship with an alcoholic is automatically a bad thing since there are quite a few who have successfully worked the program and have a lot of sobriety. For me though, I would not intentionally start a relationship with one now that I've already experienced a bad situation. It's like sticking you finger in the electric socket, you learn (or you should learn) to not do that again.

Get out and live your life as fully and completely as you can. This is what I intend to do. I've lost too much valuable time waiting for my wife to return from her impaired fog and now the fog of her recovery. While I still love her I realize that she may never return and I have to live for me

We all need to do the same for ourselves.

Zoey

I looked at our programs sorta like the devout Christians, They go to church on Sunday AM, then perhaps Sunday school, perhaps back for eve sevices, then one night a week Bible study. I suspect some do it for a form of EGO, others to keep their batteries charged, some to be with people.

It is also kinda like Cheers, I want to go where everybody knows my name.
I do think maybe 2 meetings a week is enough if Al-Anon. but perhaps A's need more.

Balance to me is what I feel is balance. Some ladies chrochet (sp?) every resting second. Some read a book per day if retired.
(Well they don't run the risk of running into alcoholics.)

The Therapist goes to work prob 5 days a week, no doubt reads up on everything new etc. Maybe she should only work 3 days there and
wait tables the other 2 days to have a balanced life. (Nasty arn't I?)

I love AA the best. It has helped me so very much. I understand the Bible much better.

Is your Therapist a recoverying A or an Al-Anon?

Just my 2 cents, Take what you like ETC. LOL
PS, if you see an interesting man at any meetings, change meetings.

Ngokpa

I used a therapist instead of a sponsor for years. She helped me more than any sponsor could have.

AA has worked wonders for me, but I couldn't have stayed sober with AA alone. I felt like I didn't fit in, and some ways I don't, but with other resources it all works out.

deax

Great timing with this thread. I totally understand, Cynay. I'm feeling fed up with all the work, too. Maybe, for me, it's because I haven't been doing it. But everything seems to require so much energy and sacrifice in pursuit of some big growth that will make it all pay off eventually... and yet some days I wonder when that magical day will come.

I started student teaching last week and work a job after that, so I haven't been able to go to Al Anon or therapy in weeks. I'm tired, teaching is stressing me out and my cooperating teacher isn't the greatest, and the job after that I got through my mom so I am spending a lot of time with her lately-- after months devoted to pulling away from her and discussing less and less with her, I feel myself sliding backwards. I haven't been to my meditation workshops in a while and I still go to church but I feel less connected to God lately.

It's like I'm losing everything I worked so hard for. I decided to take stand against my good girlfriend and no longer talk to her, and I lost another friend because both of them did things I deem unacceptable and I don't want people in my life who don't give me what I feel I deserve. My therapist calls that growth. But there are losses there. That and the stress of everything else has been making me depressed and lonely and of course-- all of a sudden I'm thinking about my ex and wishing I could give him a call so we can be "friends." But I haven't because I'm not sure I'm able to be friends yet and I don't want to throw away everything I've worked toward with him. And I worked damn hard. But I wish he had my cell number; he hasn't called my house and I haven't seen him since he showed up here before New Year's. I feel alone these days. And I feel like I'm regressing a bit with my family without the reinforcement of therapy. Then there's this new guy who calls me and I'm just totally not feeling it-- and right now I wish I had someone new. This me-as-focus thing gets tedious and boring and lonely sometimes.

Sigh. So that's my story lately and I know some of the things I've been doing wrong, like not setting aside time for meetings and therapy, but still I'm feeling sad these days and wondering why it all has to be so damn hard. All work and no play. And the play is even harder for me now that I lost the one friend I had who was single and I could go out-out with. As bad as Richie was, and as crummy as my friends were with the stuff that went down between us recently, I don't know what's worth holding onto and what's worth letting go of anymore.

Meh, I'm just venting too. One of those nights. Thanks for the thread, it's always nice to know when someone else is in a similar rut. I never feel I get it right either.

lilac

(((Cynay)))I know exactly how you feel...........some days I could just SCREAM !!!!!

denny57

There's a lot to be said for that, Cynay. Why NOT take a break? Some days I don't do "the work" at all and just let it be. I can run recovery circles in my head if I'm not careful. Where I'm at now is this: it's ok to just BE.

Something else I learned from all this hard work - I am very grateful I do not have an addiction to throw in the mix. It gives me a greater appreciation for those who have the courage and strength to work on that. And a greater compassion for those who struggle with it.

((()))

embraced2000

i hate it when they do that!! push my limits! get me outta my comfort zone!!
just hate it!!! makes me want to take my marbles and go home.

honestly, this above is exactly how i react when i'm nudged into a new place.

but, in recovery, i have discovered that those things i hate to do the most, are usually the things i need to do the most.

i understand cynay, about work, work, work....sometimes it just seems to be that it will never end.....and that is one of the first things my sponsor told me....she said...don't think you will ever be done with this, because it is something you will never graduate from.

it feels good to take a day or two off from it everyonce in a while....it always makes me very grateful to get back to it.

mallowcup

Sometimes when I apply antiseptic to an open wound, I say, "OK, this is going to sting for a minute". It sure helps the wound heal faster though. It seems like your therapist thinks it's time for a step forward, that's good right?

Cynay

Thanks guys.... Yep I guess it is good....

My therapist specializes in recovery and she has a working knowledge of the 12 step process. She totally respect AA, Al-anon and the program. She has told me that if I were to choose someone in recovery that she thinks that would be good for me... but what she is concerned about is that I focus on that.... That I dont give the normie a chance cuz he does not have what "I" would consider depth.... she even gave me places she thinks I would meet men like this....

Balance is huge to her and she wants to explore a more balanced life.

I do date normies... they just dont hold my attention as much as a recovering Alcoholic. In fact I have a date tonight (Opppp look at the time) with a normie.... She thinks cuz Im more comfortable in the program and with recovering Alcoholics that Im not giving a fair chance for a Normie... hence she would like me not to date a Alcoholic for 3 months... I guess this is to give the Normie a chance....

I just want it to be normal, I want to meet someone and "click" without thought to if they are recovering or a Normie... Seems like way too much thought process in this..... I would think it should just happen, we meet, enjoy each other, get together as friends and explore, know there is more, and then move into a relationship....

Without the BS.

ok ... got to run and get ready.

LaTeeDa

I was thinking about this today. Maybe that's exactly what your therapist is getting at. Quit working so hard at everything and start enjoying life.

I know I'm guilty of spending a lot of my time reading self-help books. It's like if I can just get enough information, I can figure this thing called life out! Too much trying to figure things out keeps me from actually doing it! I've signed up for a class in ballroom dancing. Last night was my second class. I have to tell you that I felt so alive last night after I got home, I was almost giddy. It was just so much freaking fun! And I had absolutely no desire to pick up a self-help book!

L

elizabeth1979

Its like spending alot of time and effort reading about how to knit. Researching different kinds of yarn, color patterns, sweater styles, and who will like which type of sweater. Then, researching who sells the yarn at the best price and who has the color combos I want. Continuing this process without ever picking up a knitting needle or buying the yarn, is well, pointless. Life is supposed to be lived, not studied!

Cynay

Amen....

OMG Im taking Ballroom dancing too, well last week was the swing, but Im looking forward to the latin dances.... ohhh lala.

It is so much fun... and part of my balance.

The funny part of all this is I do enjoy life.... I have a blast just living and doing what Im doing... whatever that is at the time. She just thinks I should look at more balance ... so that is what I will do.