Hi all and a story !
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Hillsboro, Kansas
Posts: 3
Hi all and a story !
I wanted to say hello to you all.
I've been living with an "A" for two years now. I didn't realize he had a problem when i met him, but more and more it has taken over our existance. He's in total denial, says i "knew" he drank when i met him, which is not totally true. (but does that matter really? I know what i know now) I knew he had a couple beers now and then, I didn't realize his few beers resulted in getting totally SH**faced.
I should know this person. I should recognize the signs having grown up in a household with a mean, abusive alchoholic father!
In the past two years, i have lived in hotel rooms, travel trailers, and now an apartment in a place i detest. I have lost everything i ever had as far as jewelry, horses ( i owned quite a few) and my car. This was not completely because of him, but also because of some bad decisions i made myself. His drinking and irresponsibility contributed to it all though.
He promises me over and over...all hollow...that he is going to quit...it never happens...there is a pattern of the sos over and over again. He has nothing..and never has had anything in his life. He created himself for me, so that i would think he was responsible and a validated human when i first met him. He can wiggle and squirm and manipulate his way out of anything he believes, but i can see his soul...and i know the untruths that lie there.
The excuses to go to the store to buy "milk" and of course beer has to come ohome wiht it. Once he starts drinking he cannot quit. If he brings 6 home, he's going to drink them all. I don't know truly if he drinks on the way home from work or not, I'm fairly certain taht he does.
The other night he left to go to sonic for some dinner for us, after about 6 corona's and didn't come back for two hours. I was beside myself with worry. I just knew he'd be in the ditch, or in jail. When he finally did come in the door he was drunker than he was when he left.....staggering....had gone to his uncles, who is an alchy also, and drank more, smoked some also, and drove back here. Could barely stand up, fell into bed, and soon snoring...woke up ...urinated in teh corner in the hallway...took the cushion to the couch and was going outside with it (in the snow naked). Of course i stopped him, and he went back to bed and passed out.
He doesn't think about the repercussions of his drinking...what if he'd gotten in a wreck, or was arrested for being trashed? His income is all we have...that car is the only one we have. What would happen to me...the furniture, the apartment and bills ?
I guess the point is I'm sick of it all. I'm tired of not having a life ( we only have one car and i'm unemployed) I'm exhausted with babysitting him. I'm tired of him telling me he's nto going to do it again. Lets just add that to the list of broken promises made to me in the past two years.
I've been living with an "A" for two years now. I didn't realize he had a problem when i met him, but more and more it has taken over our existance. He's in total denial, says i "knew" he drank when i met him, which is not totally true. (but does that matter really? I know what i know now) I knew he had a couple beers now and then, I didn't realize his few beers resulted in getting totally SH**faced.
I should know this person. I should recognize the signs having grown up in a household with a mean, abusive alchoholic father!
In the past two years, i have lived in hotel rooms, travel trailers, and now an apartment in a place i detest. I have lost everything i ever had as far as jewelry, horses ( i owned quite a few) and my car. This was not completely because of him, but also because of some bad decisions i made myself. His drinking and irresponsibility contributed to it all though.
He promises me over and over...all hollow...that he is going to quit...it never happens...there is a pattern of the sos over and over again. He has nothing..and never has had anything in his life. He created himself for me, so that i would think he was responsible and a validated human when i first met him. He can wiggle and squirm and manipulate his way out of anything he believes, but i can see his soul...and i know the untruths that lie there.
The excuses to go to the store to buy "milk" and of course beer has to come ohome wiht it. Once he starts drinking he cannot quit. If he brings 6 home, he's going to drink them all. I don't know truly if he drinks on the way home from work or not, I'm fairly certain taht he does.
The other night he left to go to sonic for some dinner for us, after about 6 corona's and didn't come back for two hours. I was beside myself with worry. I just knew he'd be in the ditch, or in jail. When he finally did come in the door he was drunker than he was when he left.....staggering....had gone to his uncles, who is an alchy also, and drank more, smoked some also, and drove back here. Could barely stand up, fell into bed, and soon snoring...woke up ...urinated in teh corner in the hallway...took the cushion to the couch and was going outside with it (in the snow naked). Of course i stopped him, and he went back to bed and passed out.
He doesn't think about the repercussions of his drinking...what if he'd gotten in a wreck, or was arrested for being trashed? His income is all we have...that car is the only one we have. What would happen to me...the furniture, the apartment and bills ?
I guess the point is I'm sick of it all. I'm tired of not having a life ( we only have one car and i'm unemployed) I'm exhausted with babysitting him. I'm tired of him telling me he's nto going to do it again. Lets just add that to the list of broken promises made to me in the past two years.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: london
Posts: 13
Hi dunny , I too lost a great deal of my possesions and got into a great deal of debt by supporting my A . But the most important thing that I lost was my self esteem and my drive to achieve. I no longer live with my A but am actively involved in his life. I have started working on my self esteem and confidence during the past two years and have gone to college and am now attending uni to become an early years teacher .
I have begun to focus on my life and my future . Dont let him drain you so that you just exsist , find something that you want to do no matter wether it is big or small . Give yourself something to aim for and look forward to.
xxxalison30xxxx
I have begun to focus on my life and my future . Dont let him drain you so that you just exsist , find something that you want to do no matter wether it is big or small . Give yourself something to aim for and look forward to.
xxxalison30xxxx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Welcome to SR, we are glad you found us.
It is rather sad that the stories are so much alike .... The tearing down of self, giving our power to another, accepting the unacceptable...
I hope to get to know you better, stick around and read the stickies at the top of the form and just enjoy the form.
It is rather sad that the stories are so much alike .... The tearing down of self, giving our power to another, accepting the unacceptable...
I hope to get to know you better, stick around and read the stickies at the top of the form and just enjoy the form.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Welcome, dunny, glad you're here
It sounds like you had a nice life before him. What is holding you there?
My thinking became very skewed living with alcoholism, and for many years I felt trapped in the situation. Looking back now, I realize I was only trapped by my own fears and insecurities.
Look forward to getting to know you.
It sounds like you had a nice life before him. What is holding you there?
My thinking became very skewed living with alcoholism, and for many years I felt trapped in the situation. Looking back now, I realize I was only trapped by my own fears and insecurities.
Look forward to getting to know you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Hillsboro, Kansas
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by denny57 
It sounds like you had a nice life before him. What is holding you there?
I'd have to say at this point the only thing holding me here is having the means to get out.
I've been promised a trip to my daughters for the birth of my grandchild next month, and i plan on looking for some work and trying to move ahead and get my life back.
I'm kind of worried about leaving all my stuff here for any great length of time. It's not that i'm obssessed with belongings, but some of these are family photo's, our christmas stuff and just sentimental things, that i would hate to lose. Who knows if he'll take care of business while i'm gone?
I'm sorry if i don't make much sense. I'm having a really bad day today...one that comes with the realization that this is just not working...and i'm really sad about it all.
I woke up today to the sound of someone shouting my name...loud! I grabbed a coffee...went on the net and typed in a search on google..and found this site.
I'm grateful for all the prayers and well wishes and most certainly glad i found u all!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
(((dunny)))
I had a feeling that AH might destroy some of my photos, etc., too. So I packed them up and put them somewhere he would not find them. It sounds like you might be isolated there - do you have any local friends? If not, could a small box or two hold the most important things and be put in cheap storage for a month or so?
Good luck - there's a lot to look forward to with the birth of your grandchild.
I had a feeling that AH might destroy some of my photos, etc., too. So I packed them up and put them somewhere he would not find them. It sounds like you might be isolated there - do you have any local friends? If not, could a small box or two hold the most important things and be put in cheap storage for a month or so?
Good luck - there's a lot to look forward to with the birth of your grandchild.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Hillsboro, Kansas
Posts: 3
Not really anyone here i know except his family. So, yes, in a word, i am quite isolated.
I am 1200 miles away from my family also, so would have to go, find work, and then come back here to pick up my things. I think the airlines have some regulations about how much stuff you can bring on a plane
I could possibly box up the pics and mail them out to my kids to get them out of here. The other stuff...well i'd probably have to take the chance that it would still be here when i could get back to retrieve it.
Much love and hugs!
I am 1200 miles away from my family also, so would have to go, find work, and then come back here to pick up my things. I think the airlines have some regulations about how much stuff you can bring on a plane
I could possibly box up the pics and mail them out to my kids to get them out of here. The other stuff...well i'd probably have to take the chance that it would still be here when i could get back to retrieve it.
Much love and hugs!
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