Left my husband
I hope he changes his mind - I really do. I don't have the energy to go through a trial.
That's what I don't understand. He was constantly numbing himself - with alcohol, pills, pot, or all of the above. It got to the point where he was droopy-eyed all the time, and I honestly didn't know WHAT he was on. How could he not know he has a problem, when all he ever does is numb himself? I just don't get it. I believe he has mental health issues as well, but perhaps it's because he keeps killing off his brain cells. It's unbearably sad.
That's what I don't understand. He was constantly numbing himself - with alcohol, pills, pot, or all of the above. It got to the point where he was droopy-eyed all the time, and I honestly didn't know WHAT he was on. How could he not know he has a problem, when all he ever does is numb himself? I just don't get it. I believe he has mental health issues as well, but perhaps it's because he keeps killing off his brain cells. It's unbearably sad.
Good luck. Try to read as much as you can about denial. I think it will really help.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
Originally Posted by Dolorosa
When I spoke to one of the ladies at the shelter and asked why they called the police, her answer was similar to what you said: "Sometimes when you're living that way for so long, you don't realize the danger you're in."
Welcome.
((((((Hugs to you)))))))
You did the right thing by leaving. I can relate to your daughter asking when you were going to divorce him. I can remember being her age and asking my mother the same question. You did right by your children. My mother never left my Dad and I am 32 yrs old now...still dealing with the resentment of her never "protecting" me from my father.
Please know we are all here for you. You are in a good place. Many blessings to you. Just remember to give each day up to your HP.
You did the right thing by leaving. I can relate to your daughter asking when you were going to divorce him. I can remember being her age and asking my mother the same question. You did right by your children. My mother never left my Dad and I am 32 yrs old now...still dealing with the resentment of her never "protecting" me from my father.
Please know we are all here for you. You are in a good place. Many blessings to you. Just remember to give each day up to your HP.
You did the right thing by leaving. I can relate to your daughter asking when you were going to divorce him. I can remember being her age and asking my mother the same question. You did right by your children. My mother never left my Dad and I am 32 yrs old now...still dealing with the resentment of her never "protecting" me from my father.
Our daughter is 10, and started to "fight back" with her dad. My husband was livid and began treating her very badly.
I finally decided that enough was enough. My lawyer convinced me that I could get sole custody - and that's when I called the women's shelter. I knew it was time.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Hello Dolorosa,
I'm an addict in so many ways...alcohol, relationships, smoking etc. I joined AA this past December and am only about 53 days sober. My decision to go to AA coincided with my second split from my alcoholic/addict boyfriend. I actually quit drinking after the first split as well..but I guess I wasn't ready...I certainly wasn't ready for AA at that point..I was still resistant.
In an answer to your questions, yes a lot of alcoholics/addicts are in denial of their problem..but also, I knew I had alcohol problem but didn't want to do anything about it. I don't have children so fooled myself into believing I wasn't hurting anyone...well guess what, I'M a someone and I was my own worst enemy. There is no rationale to addiction...no rhyme or reason but there is startling similarities about us all...oversensitive, control freaky (which is weird cuz we got none), mimimal self worth conflicting with maximum ego, self centred/involved, self pitying, lonely, miserable with ABSOLUTELY NO INSIGHT into the fact that our solace (booze or drugs or both) is THE VERY THING causing all our problems. We for whatever reason CANNOT make this correlation. I didn't ...until it was time to change...when the pain FINALLY outweighed the perceived benefit of my "numbing best friend". (P.S. Caps are for emphasis..not yelling..lol),
In my early sobriety I still shake my head in absolute astonishment about how I did not see the absolute insanity of my own making. I wake up each morning almost dumbfounded as its the first thought that hits me.
Your ex husband is a very sick, sick, sick man but he is the only one who possess the key to his cure. He needs help...usually the last thing the egomaniac alcoholic will ask for is help...only when completely defeated I think. When alcoholism is in its raging state all you can do is save yourself and your children. You are definitely dealing with a madman (or madwoman in my case). My ex is still lost in his madness and given his medical condition he is killing himself hard and fast. He has children and a business (now flailing) but he cannot correlate that booze is the root of all his pain and struggle. My words (and I only spoke for myself) fell on deaf ears. I think he shakes his head and thinks "poor girl..she's an alcoholic....too bad for her..hey, give me another one bartender!". Talk to him is like talking to highschooler still yelling "party on dude!". Just yesterday he boasted about how completely hammered he got both nights of the weekend...ya, what a riot dude! What were your kids doing while you were staggering about?
I wanted him to sober us for us. But he won't...and that's probably best for me as I can only heal myself right now...it's a lot of hard work.... you are equally affected girl. Although I am an alcoholic and understand the behaviour and toxic roots behind it, even I am often confused and hurt by my ex's behaviour and fear inspired cruelty. Be gentle with yourself. Pain is pain.
Blessings to you...keep posting. There is so much support and wisdom here.
I'm an addict in so many ways...alcohol, relationships, smoking etc. I joined AA this past December and am only about 53 days sober. My decision to go to AA coincided with my second split from my alcoholic/addict boyfriend. I actually quit drinking after the first split as well..but I guess I wasn't ready...I certainly wasn't ready for AA at that point..I was still resistant.
In an answer to your questions, yes a lot of alcoholics/addicts are in denial of their problem..but also, I knew I had alcohol problem but didn't want to do anything about it. I don't have children so fooled myself into believing I wasn't hurting anyone...well guess what, I'M a someone and I was my own worst enemy. There is no rationale to addiction...no rhyme or reason but there is startling similarities about us all...oversensitive, control freaky (which is weird cuz we got none), mimimal self worth conflicting with maximum ego, self centred/involved, self pitying, lonely, miserable with ABSOLUTELY NO INSIGHT into the fact that our solace (booze or drugs or both) is THE VERY THING causing all our problems. We for whatever reason CANNOT make this correlation. I didn't ...until it was time to change...when the pain FINALLY outweighed the perceived benefit of my "numbing best friend". (P.S. Caps are for emphasis..not yelling..lol),
In my early sobriety I still shake my head in absolute astonishment about how I did not see the absolute insanity of my own making. I wake up each morning almost dumbfounded as its the first thought that hits me.
Your ex husband is a very sick, sick, sick man but he is the only one who possess the key to his cure. He needs help...usually the last thing the egomaniac alcoholic will ask for is help...only when completely defeated I think. When alcoholism is in its raging state all you can do is save yourself and your children. You are definitely dealing with a madman (or madwoman in my case). My ex is still lost in his madness and given his medical condition he is killing himself hard and fast. He has children and a business (now flailing) but he cannot correlate that booze is the root of all his pain and struggle. My words (and I only spoke for myself) fell on deaf ears. I think he shakes his head and thinks "poor girl..she's an alcoholic....too bad for her..hey, give me another one bartender!". Talk to him is like talking to highschooler still yelling "party on dude!". Just yesterday he boasted about how completely hammered he got both nights of the weekend...ya, what a riot dude! What were your kids doing while you were staggering about?
I wanted him to sober us for us. But he won't...and that's probably best for me as I can only heal myself right now...it's a lot of hard work.... you are equally affected girl. Although I am an alcoholic and understand the behaviour and toxic roots behind it, even I am often confused and hurt by my ex's behaviour and fear inspired cruelty. Be gentle with yourself. Pain is pain.
Blessings to you...keep posting. There is so much support and wisdom here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Winston Salem
Posts: 3
I want a divorce!
My alcoholic husband has ruined our marriage and almost destroyed my career in less than 8 months of marriage.I have no one to blame but myself for this foolishness.I married him against everyone else's advise knowing he has a serious drinking problem. I was so in LOVE with him & thought we could possibly have a good life together & never thought for a minute he would do what he's done. I had never dated an alcoholic before & knew little about what it did to them or the people who love them.I admire anyone who has the good sense to leave an alcoholic to his own fate when you're abused.You are in my prayers!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
welcome!
It's amazing how when things gradually get worse and worse we are unable to see how truly bad it is...because of our own disease.
I am so glad you and your family is safe.
Just the fact you are able to tell the difference between pity and love is HUGE. Alot of us aren't there yet.
He is too sick to see he is sick. That's what it comes down to.
I would like to suggest you attend an alanon meeting in your area. You will find that you aren't alone...
This disease has no boundaries...the rich the poor. No racial or ethnic boundaries. Anyone anywhere can have it.
Welcome and I am praying and pulling for you!!!
It's amazing how when things gradually get worse and worse we are unable to see how truly bad it is...because of our own disease.
I am so glad you and your family is safe.
Just the fact you are able to tell the difference between pity and love is HUGE. Alot of us aren't there yet.
He is too sick to see he is sick. That's what it comes down to.
I would like to suggest you attend an alanon meeting in your area. You will find that you aren't alone...
This disease has no boundaries...the rich the poor. No racial or ethnic boundaries. Anyone anywhere can have it.
Welcome and I am praying and pulling for you!!!
Today you are giving your children the gift of a brighter future.
Please go to AL ANON meetings...and the women shelter may have them (mine does)please take this time FOR YOU...you are now in recovery of this awefull disease...it so effects everyone in the family...you and the kids...seek help...and get healthy....mind, body and soul....
god bless you and welcome to this wonderful family here at SR...we look forward to help you out with what we have done in our lives to make it SANE for us....
god bless you and welcome to this wonderful family here at SR...we look forward to help you out with what we have done in our lives to make it SANE for us....
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