Confessions of a codependent

Old 04-13-2003, 07:11 AM
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Confessions of a codependent

Hi everyone,

I have a confession to make. While most of you know that my son was recently jailed for 180 days I have not been honest about what I have been up to.

I have been launching a letter writing campaign to anyone who will listen to get him into a court drug program in our area after he is released. I am guilty of thinking I know this is his bottom. In the rosey glow of jail (how sick is that??) how can this NOT be his bottom? After all the Beav says he is done drinking. And if the Beav says he is done it must be true right?

You know that intuition I am always talking about listening to? Well mine is telling me to get out of the way. My son now has 3 felony DUI's. I am thinking of a guy in our area with 7 DUI's who was drunk and hit a school bus. That is the worst case scenerio. Killing someone else. My son is a danger. Those are the facts.
Could I live with that? You would have to find me first.

He is in jail for a while so there is time. He will be evaluated upon release and if his own mother thinks he is a danger an evaluator won't be looking at him kindly.

Ward is a stitch! When I shared my concern with him he got it the first time (I used small words) and he said "So what your saying is Don't f*** with fate, right?" I guess that is exactly what I am saying.

Someone ground me from my word processor!

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Old 04-13-2003, 10:03 AM
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I don't think that what

you're doing is wrong, and here's why. You are doing this for your own peace of mind. You are doing this because you feel it necessary to voice your opinion on what his post-jail treatment program should be. And I think you have a right to do that, because if he gets into more serious trouble, it's going to mess with your serenity.
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Old 04-13-2003, 06:04 PM
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Amen to Gabes reply to you JT.

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Old 04-13-2003, 07:30 PM
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I canvased the Al Anoner's that live in my neck of the woods and they said they thought what you are doing is okay. I know exactly what you mean by not wanting him on the road to endanger other lives. I'm sure ALL of us have thought like that at one time or another.

Now take off the boxing gloves and quit beating up on yourself....


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Old 04-13-2003, 08:23 PM
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Ahhhh, the confession. I had one myself tonight, although by comparison I really don't think you have much to be confessin!

I don't know how anyone of us could sit idly back and not f*** w/fate, when the outcome could be the worst-case scenario you mentioned. But of course it's out of your hands, even though I'm sure your letters will be taken into consideration and I don't think that's a bad thing. We will all continue to pray that the Beav has reached his bottom and that he will be able to seek help when he's released.

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Old 04-13-2003, 08:26 PM
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I think you're doing the right thing! I know it can't be easy for you, and my thoughts are with you.

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Old 04-13-2003, 11:08 PM
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I have written letters before but at the sentencing.
Is the Beav going to go into this evaluation
and the guy says "Well your mother thinks....?"
I'm also thinking that with 3 DUI's that
more than likely he will be required to do a court ordered program. (In this state anyway.) I say go with your intuition.

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Old 04-14-2003, 05:11 AM
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So I guess what you all are saying is that I really won't have all that much of an effect anyway so why not voice my opinion. Am I right? That makes total sense. Treatment IS what he needs. Treatment is what all addicts need...when they are ready.

Josie...I can picture it now. The evaluator says "well your mother thinks..."

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Old 04-14-2003, 05:53 AM
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Well. . .here is what I did


You know my story. I too struggled with interfering or trying to make consequences happen but in my heart I knew I had to do anything I could to not allow my daughter to slip through the cracks of the criminal justice system.

As you know, the justice system is overwhelmed with these drug and alcohol arrests. THey want easy solutions to the problem . .and are almost always willing to give someone another chance. ..often the chance that just leads to continued use. .another incarceration. .life back on the streets and . .death

I wrote to the District Attorney, the sentencing judge, the sheriff and the police that arrested her. .thanking them for getting her off the streets begging them to do anything they could to give her the help she needed. She was sentenced to treatment and intense supervision.

Today she is almost 8 months clean and working a program of recovery.
I believe my "interference" helped save her life . Being in jail provided her with time to clear her mind and make choices about her life.

Just the other day we were talking about how the police picked her up off the streets literally. She was amazed that they found her. We all agreed that it was Divine Intervention that saved her life.

Now it is up to her and she tells me that not using drugs is a daily choice.

As for me. .I have to keep trusting that God will bring good out of all this pain and suffering for our family. It is still so very hard to see the pain in my little granddaughters. .they need a mother so bad.. .but at least today there is a chance they will have a mother again.

Just my thoughts JT Blessings to all Mo
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Old 04-14-2003, 08:00 AM
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Thanks so much Mo.

Up until recently I knew in my heart he wasn't even close to stopping so I left it alone...completely. Now I am thinking differently. He has had experience with a couple of rehabs..slipped up and is now sitting in jail 4 months after he celebrated 90 days in rehab. The consequences are coming faster now and he sees that too. Progressive.
Right now I think I will sit tight...I sent letters already and as his evaluation gets closer I will write again. I think my fear came from an overblown sense of my own influence. All I can do is be heard. After that it is out of my hands.

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