hezzie

I have been married to my AH for 10 yrs. He sometimes comes to this board, usually after a big mess up. He will not go to AA meetings. He lies about taking his meds (Campral and Antabuse) most of the time.

In reading everyone's posts, I am living the same kind of life. I get sick when he leaves the house without me. I get sick when I have to leave the house without him.

The police have come to our house before. He can became very scary when he is drunk. He tends to blame me for his drinking. He shames me for not trusting him or questioning him. Did I mention that I don't trust him? He hides his empty cans/bottles under the house or in closets, but most of the time he drives them out to the gas station and throughs them away. (He thinks that I don't know this)

Our son had to go see a specialist over his tonsils the other day. My AH picked him up from school (DRUNK) and took him 30 miles one way to the Dr. (DRUNK). When I get home from school 3 hours after he stopped drinking, it was still obvious that he was under the influence. I am sure the school faculty and the doctor noticed my AH's condition.

He treats me with contempt. Not only does he treat me this way, he is starting to treat our kids the same way. I have never seen such a self-centered person in my entire life.

That being said...when he is sober and actually taking his meds, visiting this board and sorry for the pain that HE causes...things are better. But here is another problem, I now know that it is temporary and not to get my hopes up for recovery.

So that's the simple, condensed version of my screwed up life.

Cynay

Welcome Hezzie, we are glad you decided to post with us.

Your not alone hon, we have all been there one way or another. Alcoholics are very self centered, its just part of the disease and unfortunally it is progressive.

Hang around, reading the stickies at the top will help get a better understanding, I look forward to getting to know you.

lilac

(((Hezzie))) Welcome to SR ! ! You have found a place where you can focus on you. The people here are great. Have you tried al-anon?

Hope to get to know you better.

newenglandgirl

Hi there Hezzie!

I've learned so much from SR. It is an incredible place to learn, reflect, share, and heal.

Look forward to hearing more from you!

hugs to you.

Missy

Do you go to Al-anon.. I live the same way right now and have found al-anon to be my source of recovery and comfort.

Pick-a-name

Hi,Hezzie...so glad you are here!

WantsOut

Hi Hezzie- Keep reading. You'll see your story in many posts.

The thing with being contemptuous with the kids is too much. What a big baby. I can't stand it when adults do that to the little ones - like it isn't hard enough being a kid already. If I were you hon that's where my big fat boundry would be. He gives the kids crap, you make his life a living hell. He doesn't stop, then out he goes. This is about you keeping those kids safe, it's not just about you.

Again, keep reading and posting You'll learn tons.

embraced2000

welcome, hezzie! glad you're here and now you can begin your own form of recovery.

i'm sorry that the addiction of alcoholism has touched yet another family.

god bless us all

love to you

Tally

You ain't met my ABF then!!!

You'll like this board, it's great.. Great for making you think mainly...for getting another perspective.

So he's self centred...and you feel sick when you have to leave the house and sick when he leaves the house....

Would you say that his world revolves around him? And your world revolves around him? What he does, where he goes, how much he drinks...etc..

Living like that can drive you crazy...you actually feel like you're going insane....So if ur world revolves around him and his world revolves around him...what revolves around you and the kids? Nothing much?

You need to take the focus off him and put it back onto you and the children.
Have you noticed it doesn't matter what you know about his drinking, what you say, where he goes, where you go...he's gonna do it regardless....

Detachment is a great word and even better when you put it into practise......It's helped me SO much...this board has...you'll learn to stop obsessing over his behaviour and the things you can't control...and start focusing on the things you do have control over...you.

Oh and welcome btw xxx

dayxday

Hi Hezzie,
Welcome to SR - I did the same thing when I found this forum. It helped so much by reading the posts and realizing I wasn't alone in this.

I see that other's have suggested alanon and I would highly recommend it also. It helps to surround yourself with others that understand what you are going through.


The fact that he would drive under the influence concerns me, it concerns me even more that he would drive under the influence with your son in the car. This is something that should be addressed right away, putting his child at risk by DUI is unacceptable behavior.

Please keep coming back, there is a lot of helpful information shared here.

dollydo

Welcome,

My thought:

Driving while under the influence with a child in the car, tells you whole story.
He is an irresponsible parent.

What you do about it is up to you, what are your bounderies, have you laid them out to him? And, if so, what are you going to do about it?

Your child can become an innocent victim of his addiction to alcohol.

Keep posting, keep reading others posts, it will help you.

Dolly

HolyQow

I have found this to be true with my AH. And what I have come to find out is that every time I questioned him about something, he got irate if he was LIEING....... so easy to spot now.

One of the first things I doubted was that he had car insurance. He rattled off an agents name, like he had practiced this before. The second time I had asked, he turned RED, screamed at me, and told me that I sounded like his MOTHER... as it turned out, I spent two or three sleepless nights, and the same not speaking to him, crying all night the first night for the nasty things he said to me, all wasted time because it just delayed the fact that he really didn't have insurance. The next time was because I questioned him if he was really divorced or not. The third time was when he got paid and removed $120 from account and had no money the next day. There are many more, those were just the "big ones" and for each and every time that he lies, he would make me believe that it was my fault. That I had no reason to question him. That I should just "let it go"...... That I wasn't able to trust anyone.....

Welcome and if you haven't noticed, you are not alone. I am glad that your AH comes here. I would love it if my AH would at least talk to someone else. He won't even watch Intervention or Addictions on TV. He sees a commercial for them and makes terrible comments on "another drunk" or "crack head" ....if those shows only came with a mirror......

mallowcup

All mandated reports of child abuse and neglect. The facilty and the Doctor are required by law to intervene on your childs behalf. That is disappointing. How do you know that he was drunk then? I ask for a reason.

Godhelpme

Welcome, Hezzie.

So sorry you've a need to be here, but glad you found this wonderful place.

Take care of you ~
GHM

hezzie

Because he picked our son up at 12:30, drove 40 minutes to an appointment at 1:30. Was out of there and home by 3:00. I was home when he came home. It was clear he had been drinking and he only acted complety sober around 7pm. So unless he was drinking on the road and in the doctor's office, he must have been drinking prior to picking my son up.

That being said, he could have bought a pop and added something to it. My son would have recognized a beer bottle or can. (he's 9)

hezzie

Thanks everyone for the welcome. I am going to try to get on this board every day. It really helps to know that I am not the only one dealing with this. (although I am sorry anyone has to)