tracy1963

Okay, so we tried the "friends" thing. Neither of us could manage it. Things were really good-he made a point of going out of his way for me in ways he never had before. The more he did this, the more I backed off. I've never done that before. Then he backed off. Then I became very unlike me and got all clingy and insecure. Then we decided to try being "friends" again. Then I got insecure. Told him off. Told him I could not be his friend and that I was done. He seemed to ignore me and told me to call him if I wanted to.
What to heck is wrong with me???
Honestly, I have my own life to deal with and am dealing with a lot right now. He is dealing with him and making at least somewhat of an effort at this point. Neither of us needs to be getting caught up in each other's bs right now.
I love the guy, regardless of his issues. I am not desperate for a relationship or a man in my life. I have plenty going for me and am very independent and capable. I had a dysfunctional family life as a child, but have not been in bad or abusive relationships in the past. None of my friends are As or addicts and all of my friendships are healthy. I tend to end toxic friendships immediately-pretty much zero tolerance. I'm not looking to start a family or anything along those lines. I've basically been dealing with the typical A behaviors that everyone else does. Not having dealt with it before makes me wonder what is going on with him. I now realize that it is simply the fact that he is an A. I try very hard not to question or second guess things and just let them be. This works quite well with all other areas of my life. Why can't I do this with him??? Why am I always trying to figure out his motives???
Anyways, we are now not talking. I wanted us to just be friends. Then I wanted to end it all with him. And I feel lousy. I miss him and really do love him, but I can't be around him feeling like I do. (And he really hasn't done anything to deserve it. It's been just me questioning everything that's ever happened between us.)
He knows how I feel about him. Then I act all flaky-and he's not used to that from me. He says he can't handle a relationship right now-with anyone.

dollydo

Sounds confusing to me. Maybe it's time to put your friendship aside for awhile.

What's the rush, if it is mean't to be, it will be.

I could never be just friends with my ex-abf, either, I was in it up to my ears, or I wasn't. Too much past to try and sift through. Too much hurt and disappointment.

Put it on the back burner for awhile, see what evolves.

Dolly

tracy1963

We had no contact for so many months and it was awful for me. But I let go. He came back, and all I've done is be a neurotic insecure pain-in-the-butt. And that is not me. While he is still an active A, he is struggling hard and taken great lengths to make changes. We jumped back into things, I panicked, he suggested friendship, WE couldn't do that, I panicked worse, I suggested friendship, I completely freaked and ended it completely.
He is the one w/ the issues. How did I end up being such a freak? Is it possible to forget the past? I have before. Now I find myself second guessing everything he does, looking for motives. I don't want to be like this. We are done. I made sure of that. I'm just miserable and wondering how I ended up like this.