TexasGirl

Yup, he's got a girlfriend. I am OK. I feel just a kind of reflective and a little pang of sadness. No...not sadness. I just feel a pang of something in my heart. I told him that I was happy he had decided to move on. I told him I want him to be happy, that I never wanted to hurt him. I guess I do have the questions....will he slow down for her? Would he ever stop for her? Will he treat her good? If not, then I kind of feel sorry for her...she's got a son.

We talked a bit longer, him slightly under the influence. He was telling me that he just didn't know why I had to go that far, that it would have been fixable. He said, "I know I had problems, but you had problems too. The way you felt about my drinking is how I felt when you paid a bill late." I told him those weren't comparable, and he said, "They may not be equal, but it bothers me equally." I guess I can't argue that...I guess he can feel how he wants to. I just kept reminding myself that he was quacking like As do.

So there you have it.
Onward and upward.

embraced2000

i know how this stings. but there is some freedom from this knowlege also. it just happened to me several weeks ago, and after the initial shock and awe, things got better for me.

hope it does for you, too texasgirl.

Janitw

TG - (((((((((hugs)))))))))

He wont stop for her no matter what she says to him hun....He has to stop for himself and for no other reason....she bought into a package that she can't handle but she just doesnt know it yet.....how sad...but on the bright side of it all....YOU are free by your own choice....that is worth its weight in gold girl. Let his situation go now and continue to move on ahead...I have to do the same thing and I know it hurts inside...we think that because they didnt stop for us and maybe they will stop for them that somehow we have failed....dont let your mind go there hun... that's just more of our co-dependency talking to us. You know the truth and so do I...time will show you the truth of it all. Stand back and watch if you need to. I'm doing the same thing hun.

Janit

gelfling

Ditto to Jan...he's got to stop for himself.
Just another excuse. You made very wise decisions and should be mighty proud of yourself. Time for you to pull everything together and get on with your life. Remember, give it at least a year.

Blessings

CatsTail

Hey TexasGirl,

You said you wonder if he'll slow down for her. You also said he was under the influence when he was talking to you.............Sooooooooo I think the answer is no.

Cat

dollydo

Slow down for her....NO WAY....who knows she may be a drinker too, birds of a feather do flock together.

FormerDoormat

I think some of the sting may be from you seeing how easily and quickly he's been able to move on, while you're still struggling with the pain caused by the break up of your relationship. Remember, TG, that he's moved on quickly because of necessity--he needs a new codie in order to survive--so this has nothing to do with how he feels about this woman or how he feels about you.

In his mind, this is a business arrangement. Nothing more. I feel sorry for the poor woman who has no idea what lies ahead of her. And I feel tremendous pride in how well you've been able to move on with your life and see things as they really are.

Hopefully, when the time comes, this woman will be as strong as you are and she, too, will walk away to save her sanity. This just confirms what I've always known about you. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Way to go, TG.

denny57

TG, I will write more later - but this will be a good thing as time goes by. I'd have to agree with Dollydo, she's probably someone who drinks. In the end it doesn't matter. ((()))

dobiediva

Funny, that's where I was at a couple months ago when ExABF (notice the EX now!! YAY!) moved on and IN with another woman just 2 weeks after we had broken up. He lived with her for 3 weeks before I was stupid enough (ok ok--jealous enough??) to take him back. We made it a little over a month before I found out that he called her a few nights ago at 1am for a booty call (he's not allowed over here when he is drunk so I guess he figured he could go there!) Funny thing is from her response this is not the first time he has spoken to her since we got back together and according to her text message he possible has been over there since we got back together too. I was furious enough to kick him out. And I feel DAMN good about it this time!! I went to an Alanon meeting yesterday. He called at 4am to try to come over. I told him if he did I would call the police. He called me a b--ch, compared me to his ex wife (who he claims is insane--gee! How'd she get that way A hole?! I think being married to the guy for 9 years would've made me crazy too! I've only been with him a little over a year and a half and in that time look how crazy I became?)

To be honest I feel really good about this now. I think THIS is the time it WILL stick. I have ZERO interest in talking to him, wondering about him, worrying about him, checking up on him to see if he is doing better/worse whatever. I just don't care!! For the first time since I met him I JUST DON'T CARE. That feels Soooooooooooooooooooo good!!!!

Hang in there. Stay strong. You will get here too!!

LizzyP

TG, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you with your getting this news (((( )))))

best

One day I stood in front of my wife and said....this this and this are things you need to correct. She just looked at me and said nothing but ...ok. I then asked her if there was anything that I need to correct. She just looked up at me and said..."Not that I can think of right now."
No arguing. No confrontation. No emotion from her.

Her lack of actions, tone, or emotions knocked me over and left me with nothing to say. I walked away with a big huge questionmark look on my face and in my thoughts. Pointing out his issues (already did that before, no need repeating it again) will only have him get defensive and try to push the blame back at you.
The blank questionmark in my thoughts turned into thoughts that looked inward at me. (took some time for it to fully register though)
When the tools of recovery are used, they do work well. My wife's day went well and well...I went away rather then stay and have something to continue quacking about.
He knows his issues. No need getting yourself upset repeating them. Let him deal with them on his own...can't change us.

best

Oh and as far as that goes...
When a guy jumps ship and starts feeling like he is drowning. He won't swim back and hold onto the ship unless it is the only thing around.
He will grab onto any piece of wood that is floating about though.
She is but a life preserver at the moment (in his eyes). An item he feels he needs.

CatsTail

I agree with Formerdoormat and Best. She's just another stepping stone for him to continue along in his disease. It has NOTHING to do with feelings for her or you and everything to do with needing another codie to keep him going.

I remember my ex always telling me that he had never loved anyone before me (gag) and the others were just "convenient". What he meant by convenient was they were another stepping stone to enable his disease. He became oh so frustrated with me when he realized I wasn't hahahahahahaahha.

Cat

lilac

(((TexasGirl))) You seem to be doing really well......You know that he will not change for her, that she will (if she stays in the picture long enough) be
in for one heck of a ride with the A. Sad that she is bringing a kid into it.
I think all the thoughts you have are normal....

lostnotfound

I just found out Saturday that my ex has started dating. My reaction?? Yippee!!!! Maybe he will move on and stop calling me. He has supposedly "cut back" on his drinking. You and I know how that will turn out, don't we?? I only see his pattern repeating. He will be charming, and attentive and polite and a gentleman. For awhile. I feel sorry for him and any future partner of his, but I'm not going to spend my life worrying about him and what he does now. I spent 9 years doing that. What I know now, is that I am sooooo much happier than I was a year ago at this time.

parentrecovers

sending you blessings, txgirl. my ex always had to have someone in his life, as he was not capable of taking care of himself. agreed, always harder when there are sons and daughters involved. just accept it and don't get involved, that's what i always tried to do anyway. k

LaTeeDa

TG, the world is full of those willing to accept unacceptable behavior. Be proud that you are not one of them.

I know that doesn't make it any easier, though.

L

Pick-a-name

My son said about his dad...."wait until he goes off on THEM!"

((TG))

mfisher

My soon to be exAH informed me he is getting married. We were married 23 years. I am watching him treat her exactly how he treated me "word for word" I feel very sorry for her. She has 3 children and I hate to see those kids go through what my kids went through.
He says she supports him and understands his drinking. That makes me want to scream.
It is an odd feeling to sit back and watch your life being repeated, but someone else is on the other end of the insanity.
She says he only drinks 2 Corona's, she hasn't found the bottles of Kessler and Jack Daniels hidden around the house yet.
It's sad, these men should come with warning labels.

mallowcup

When I came along I now know that there was some woman rolling her eyes saying, "She'll have to learn about him on her own". The funny thing is that all his women have the same name, "Next".