ellima01

You know- it is weird to think about all the things I have been willing to tolerate from AH- I never thought I was this kind of person. It's always something with him, as I am sure you all know from your own experiences. This time I may have had enough. Now the reason he drinks so much is because I don't discipline my 10 year old son right. My 10 year old lost his dad to cancer at 5years old and has ADHD- yeah, I may not be as hard on him as I could or maybe should be- but I do my best to make him mind. He says my 10 year old embarrases him because he acts so badly- my son IS a wild child- don't get me wrong, and socially, he is a little behind. But this is just one more thing to blame his drinking on. He verbally got on to him the other day (he was drinking)- and it really pissed me off- you cannot DISCIPLINE my child when drinking- period!! All of it is his fault, or maybe my fault because "I never listen to him"- who knows??
Last time he drank because - get this- he likes the house to be kept a certain way and I don't do it- I told him to do it himself.- He won't do that.
I told him if he is this unhappy he should leave, he won't beacuse "everthing in the house is his" wrong again. I wish I knew some way to deal with all of this. He said today that everyone is against him- I told him that the only person against him was HIM!!
Ellima01

newenglandgirl

I'm no expert, but from what I've read here exposing a child to an alcoholic is not acceptable.

Your son is of course NOT the reason he drinks! Just an alcoholic b.s. exuse.

Your number one priority should be your son (and you!).

WantsOut

You know of course it's not about your son or your housekeeping, it's about excuses to drink and how you're his problem.

The question is: what do you really want? Let's talk about that.

Pick-a-name

BT/DT..only the son in question is OUR child together (AH would sometimes refer to as "my son" when we was on a rage). AH complained in marriage therapy that he drank because his discipline was not respected ...haha;ya think?! (sad thing is the counselor agreed with him.) When a teenager is being cussed at by a drunk father about "manners"....well,it's not a good thing for anyone. Makes true discipline actions difficult,too.

Good luck to you all. Just want you to know you are not alone. Remember the Three C's (about your AH's drinking,etc and the fact that your son has ADHD........not your fault,but there are ways to make your life dealing with the problems it brings better).

*hugs to you*

p.s. the "housekeeping" was an issue in our home,too. AH wanted it a certain way (his way) but no longer helped with either the house or the kids...

WantsOut

You folks just reminded me ... when I lived in a different city I lived in an apartment next to an alcholic/cokehead who I'll call Joe.

For some reason Joe's ex would drop off his teenage son and grade school aged daughter for weekend visits. He just drank and drugged the whole time they were there. One time I heard him drunkenly lecturing the boy, "Yer gonna behave! Yer gonna go ta church and yer gonna get religion!" It was so sick and horrible horrible horrible. I should have called the cops but honestly I was kind of scared of this guy. If they let him go and he found out I called ... I should have anyway to protect the kid. No excuse.

What a nightmare. I pray that anyone who read this message and has a child living in that kind of environment will do what they must to save that child. What I heard was as abusive as a punch in the face.

mallowcup

With the way things are, who knows what degree of your sons behaviors are from the ADHD or from his fathers alcoholic input. I see an occassional kiddo who has fetal alcohol syndrome, and the parents have no tolerance for their own child. They caused the defect. Well who knows how much of your sons behaviors are inherited? Your husbands intolerance probably has something to do with your overcompensating in the opposite direction. I can see why you are fed up. You have one nerve left and your whole fam damnly is jumping up and down on it. Can you get your son into a structured environment after school, maybe a trial phase to see how he does out of this environment? He's a growing boy and he may need a medication adjustment.

ps- there is a wonderful place where it is neat and clean and everyting is in it's proper place, it's called "your own apartment", perhaps your husband should get himself this little slice of heaven for himself.

minuet

Ellima....

My A complains about how things are around the apartment all the time. Everything has to be a certain way or he flies into a rage.

To me, when their lives are out of control they try to control everything else around them.

ellima01

I need to say in case I did'nt, my son doesn't belong to my AH- he was my first husband's son and he died in 2001- so AH has been the only dad he knows since he was 5 years old.