Ayers1995

Well – My divorce was filed on Jan 9th… but we have to refile because my attorney put that I wanted my maiden name
Restored and I don’t. I have 3 sons with my last name and I don’t want to go through changing everything and confusing the boys. STBXAH is wanting me to change it to my maiden name… whatever.

I am wondering though about the term “Dr Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde”… this describes him so well. I get these emails from him calling me a liar and being ugly… then I get a text saying my voice is like an angel. It’s very stressful. He also sent me email asking me to take about ½ of what is supposed to be my child support. He’s saying he’s worried b/c it’s almost half his check and couldn’t I take less. Well… I’ve been out since Oct and still at my moms… and haven’t really been getting that much help from him. I think he needs to step up and provide what is required of him.

He is very good at the guilt pleas. It’s still hard. I have days where I hate his guts… and days where I feel guilty that he’s slipped so far into the hole.

elizabeth1979

Its part of the dance. Trying everything and anything.

I agree.

I hear you. Its tough, but it gets better. He was already on the hole when you left, thats just when he chose to keep digging.

Not your fault Ayers, but you know that.

You are really a strong woman!

Astro

Hard to admit but like Elizabeth mentioned it's part of the dance, we try anything and everything to get attention, pity, and anything else our pathetic little minds can think of. I really hope that someday the guilt won't even cross your mind, because that's what this alcoholic wanted most from his ex. I'm very grateful that she only concentrated on our children and did what was necessary to protect herself. Your boys are lucky to have a mother with your strength, Ayers.

I held onto a resentment about the child support for my first year of sobriety, especially when I had to buy clothing after duly paying what our state mandates for child support. But then there came the day when I heard that loud *pop* as my head came out of my @ss, and the realization hit me that it's my responsibility to care for my children no matter what my ex does with the child support. In fact, it's a privilege as their father to provide care for them no matter what the expense is. My children will remember what I've done for them, and my petty anger and resentments don't make a difference anyway. Hopefully your ex will come to this realization too someday, but in the meantime I know you're doing the best you can. And that's pretty damn good, ain't it?:-)

Ayers1995

I appreciate your honesty. I feel like that's the only thing I am doing is focusing on my boys and what is right for them.

elizabeth1979

Hope you can get a chance to do something nice for yourself, even if its something small like a bubble bath, a nap, or a new book!

Nuudawn

"Jekyll and Hyde" is a very apt description. As a matter of fact, I believe that consensus is that the "magic potion" in the story was actually alcohol. It's how I felt about my exAbf. He could be the sweetest, most sensitive, wonderful caring man in the world...and the exact opposite i another given moment. It wasn't a matter even whether he was drunk or sober...the alcoholism affects your entire state....the love or hurt was a simply a mood pendulum swing.

blizzard77

I'm so proud of you Ayers. I would love to file for divorce but NC make you wait a year before you can file. I'm trying to get AH to agree on a separation date so it would be a year and I can just get it done. So, far he aint' biting.

embraced2000

ayers....you sound so good....it gets easier, honestly it does. you just gotta push through the pain and hurt......i hear it's wonderful on the other side of it all.....i'm hoping to catch some glimpses of it myself.

love to you
jeri

HolyQow

It seems like yesterday.....

When I joined, it was right around the time you were packing and leaving. I am glad things are working out for you. Now if you figure out a way to make the court system move along as quickly, I want to know!

I am still looking for the "congrats on your divorce" type of phrase.....never know what to say here.

StandingStrong

Ayers, my ex knows how to play the guilt game with me as well. But what I've come to realize just recently is that I am part of that game. It all depends on if I want to be a participant in the game. For a long time, I joined in. Lately, I've come to understand that it doesn't matter what I say, do, or wish - xAH is going to believe what he wants and he's going to just keep on doing what he's been doing. It's up to me to change my role in the "game". I choose not to play anymore.

Jekyll/Hyde syndrome. You can bet that my X is another one of those. One day he's being friendly (sending me jokes via email) - the next time that I need to speak to him in regards to the kids or something, he's a total jerk to me. All a part of the behavior of my Xah.

I heard the words - and I slowly grasped them. I accepted the situation as it was. But it was just recently that I decided to not be a participant in the game. I'm changing my behavior which means I'm changing the rules. It's not always easy, it's a learning process. One I'm trying really hard to master.

You know how he is and who he is. You know the truth. Don't let him get to you.

TexasGirl

Oh, you sound good!! I know there are lows, but I am happy for you that you can work to see it for what it is and keep moving forward.

Sorry I haven't replied yet to your other e-mail...my browser is acting weird and keeps freezing on certain websites.

Take care!!!
M

lilac

(((Ayers)))Good to hear from you. You sound really good. Keep your head up !!!!! You are doin' good.

Ayers1995

Thanks to everyone for you support. I have come so far from trying to get out of the same house to now having my papers filed. I try hard to not feel guilty... and be a part of the game. I know that's all it is... I do also know how he likes to spend money and it will be hard for him...

I talked to my attorney a minute ago and they will not have to refile. So I am on the countdown from January 9. 60 days....