kermit

Yes Denny to get Sber and get the Mental help he needs. This is what he says he wants. He has never said this so I will take him for his word for now get him to Az and let God take control. I will at the very least be at peace with myself.
Mallo. no way I would rather not have the check from SS I would rather struggle knowing he is alive,yes it is frustrating but I have a support team, A Mom Dad sister a great job. We will be okay

denny57

In the end that is what matters. All I know about your situation is from what you post here. I sometimes speak to you from an Al-Anon point of view, because I know you attend. It was only a short time ago you posted about your anger at him for not being the dad he should be by not sending money to his children for food; yet you sent him money for a FLIGHT, not treatment. I understand what you are saying, but it might be worth considering if rationalization is involved. Will there be anger if he does nothing once he gets to his brother's?

I hope for you and your family that he follows through. That would be fantastic. Take care, kermit.

kermit

oh, just to let you all know I did not send him money, I bought the ticket told him of the day and time and it was up to him to get there. And yes I bitch and moan that he is not following thru being a Dad that just helps me. Yes I'm struggling but my strength and the strength I get from my family, friends and program we will be okay. I'm a woman and I bitch what can I say? I stress out but it all comes together. All of you help me bring it together

blizzard77

You followed your heart and that's all that matters. I too would rather see my AH sober then dead. He has three children. As long as your at peace with your decision thats all that matters.

denny57

And that is the rub - how is that accomplished? No one has the answers. I had to take a hard and honest look at the fact that my years of "loving" AH towards sobriety were really me "following my heart" not allowing him to follow his.

None of it is easy.

mallowcup

I will be anxious to hear how his detox and rehab are going. Will the woman be traveling with him to his brothers? I wish you the best. I hope with the money you have layed out and his brothers hospitality, he will realize what an generous opportunity this is.

kermit

Mallow, no there is no woman he is to messed up for that. If he gets better and does end up with the woman in North Dakota, then that is what I want for him. I love him, but neither one us want to be together. We are no good for each other. But we can parent together the best way we can if that involves another woman I hope she will love my children and get along with me I will go down that road if and when he is healthy.
Thanks you all for your support we will see together what will become of him over the next few months

Zoey

When is he supposed to get on the plane? Is the date set on ticket, or does he get to make the choice?

Mr. Christian

Kermit,

Your still bailing him out, not much has changed. I hate to be blunt, but it is the truth.

embraced2000

kermit....i've done much worse when dealing with my xh and the crisis he was always in, or creating is more the right word to describe it all.

it was usually just a bunch of bs....but it took me many moons to accept that, because his crisis's always sounded so legit and real....and he knew just how to push my codie buttons. and i knew just how to let him.

i did it, till i didn't do it anymore. that's all i can say....everyone around me were rolling their eyes around in their sockets everytime i tried to explain why i did what i did for him....and it all made sense to me at the time.

just hang in there.....i think more will be revealed about this latest crisis.

love to you

HolyQow

I haven't really read this entire thread.....I was looking for what "emergency" there was....can't seem to find one. I don't really think anyone should title their thread "911 emergency"..... you have heard of the boy who cried wolf, right?

So with that said, you now realize there was no emergency, it wasn't your problem, and if he really gets help, great, if he doesn't, still not your problem.
He will never be the father you want him to be to your kids. You can file for assistance from your state, to help with the kids since he is not able to pay child support.....the father doesn't have to be dead for this to happen.

I believe that the plane ticket is your last effort at relieving yourself from any "blame" ... you probably believe that you owe that to your kids, it wasn't exactly for him. I have children, I understand this....it's easy for those without children, or grown children to say "no contact" "let him hit bottom", but slightly different when there are kids. You have done what you could, now it's time to make yourself better, because you are now going to have to be the best mom of the year, and best dad of the year. Make yourself the parent the kids deserve, and don't waste more effort on making their father be a father.

JMOs

denny57

Not for me, it isn't.

Mr. Christian

You know when I started writing here I was a wreck and that is the way I was in Alanon at first also.
I was always wondering what I should do different or what could I have done.
I have learned that taking care of myself was the only way.


After reading what others have gone through and what others are still doing, I see that I only prolonged the healing for myself.

Enabling the alcoholic not only slows me down but can kill the alcoholic in the process. I say this because it stops them from hitting their bottom and seeking help on their own.

The longer any of us caters to these 3year olds the longer it will take them to grow up, and be responsible.

BigGirlPanties

enabling simply enables the disease to progress.

dogandbooklover

Christopher, my alcoholic husband, is not a father and I am not a mother. We haven't been through a lot of the things the other people from this forum have gone though, but we have had our own share of alcohol related problems. If it ever came to the point where my husband had to 'hit bottom' or I had to have 'no contact' I would not say that it would be any easier for us because we don't have children.

Pray4cee

You don't have to justify your actions to no one but yourself. When you love someone, you are still concerned about their welfare. I have had many drug addicts in my family, Mom, Dad, Brother, two best friends (Died from overdoses), ex-husband, myself. As drug addicts, we still have feelings, but the surface of our feelings have been numbed a bit because the drug has such a strong hold on us. I was there for my drug addict family and friends and they were there for me, but there are boundaries and you have to ALWAYS use wisdom when dealing with drug addicts or you'll get caught up in the spinning wheel of their addiction. The airplane ticket you bought for him was a good thing because maybe once he gets to his brother, he may even get straight! Who knows, it's all about faith, prayer and believing God is in control and he is his child to save. Take care Kermit,
Robbie

Pray4cee

I don't think buying a plane ticket to send him to his brother's and possibly save his life means she's enabling him or his disease.
Robbie

denny57

I've found reading a poster's complete history helps in times like these.

Pray4cee

Think about this, What if she hadn't bought the ticket and something really bad happened to him, the father of her children, how guilty do you think she would feel then. What I have learned about being on the outside looking in is that it's easy for the outside to tell you what should be done, but when your living it, it's hard as hell!!! She is the parent the kids deserve because a small peice of her has reached out the her children's father to help him. She didn't ask him to come home, she just sent him a plane ticket to go to his brother's house.
Robbie

mallowcup

Hold the phone. there's no one here who hasnt' been right where this poster is at. Some people feel inclined to say things that make a person feel better. Some people have hog filed money and time into an alcoholic who had the moxy to walk out on his family, hook up with another woman, make a grand and painful exit in front of his kids during the holidays, sent no money, didn't call, then calls for help? IF a woman decided not to help, should fel good about that decision as well. If he goes and blows his head off, it would be the ultimate act of selfishness. I hate the thought of someone taking on the responsibility of keeping a determined alcoholic in check. He asked for help for the first time. There was help right where he was at. Now he will inflict his nonsense on his brother. There does come a time when we need a big bucket of ice water dumped squarely on our head. What do this mans kids deserve? I see this as total BS. I can't believe he had the balloons to even call. That's not up to me to judge, he isn't my husband. He got his ticket. Done.