kermit

I'm having a hard time believing right now, this is cruel. This person asked if I could call the Denver police call the cell phone company to see if they can get a signal. I'm lost

WantsOut

Why can't the writer call the police?

Listen, you offered to send his ID. You alerted his brother. It's not like you're doing nothing. He's a grown man for goodness sake. Let him take care of his own problems like a grown man should.

kermit

I'm trully sick to my stomach. I can't wait for 7:30 so I can go to my meeting!

embraced2000

kermie.....this sounds like he may be drunk and using all sorts of manipulation tactics. there's a very good possiblility that he is the one sending the messages, and is just drunk and acting stupid.

hang on.

embraced2000

stop and ask yourself.....does it make sense?? then it's probably not true. for instance....why is this guy asking you for help, when all he has to do is call for emergency assistance??? think about it. it's drama.

love to you
jeri

StandingStrong

kermit......my heart goes out to you.
I remember very well how I used to get sucked into the drama of xAH as well as his companions, etc. I have a tendency to want to "fix" things and it was really hard for me to take the "hands off" approach and allow xAH to deal with the consequences of his actions. Even now, it's sometimes hard because of our differing ideas on parenting.
But let's be rational, okay?

1) Stephen (or a friend) is emailing you. Is there no one else in his address book that this person could contact? Or are they contacting you because they know how you will react as you've done before?

2) If this person has access to the email account - they can probably get the phone number to call Denver police call the cell phone company.

3) If whoever this supposed "Friend" was, THEY would be helping Stephen instead of contacting you to do so.

4) You are allowing Stephens situation to take over your life. It's consuming you now. You are distracted, worried, obsessed, etc about HIM and HIS life. Do you see how this works? It's back to being "All about him".

Kermit - practice letting go. I know it's hard and I know it hurts like H*ll. But you have to look past the drama and see the action. The action on his part right now is that he's dragging you down with him.

Make your action getting to a meeting, letting him go, and learning to save yourself.

(((kermit)))

kermit

I told him to call the police taht there is nothing I can do. My head is on I'll be okay

Zoey

Could it be your A himself writing and pretending to be a friend of your A. That no addictions sounds maybe like your A???

I know it is hard, Hugs

Pick-a-name

I think it all sounds odder and odder,like someone trying to get you to send $...a scam.

If Stephen's brother already talked to him HIMSELF, then let him contact him again. Or the police.

Pray4cee

My ABF had his play sister or better yet partner in crime (been knowing each other most there lives) call me a few days before he said to go on with my life about a business venture we were suppose do together, (which would have placed some decent money in their pockets.) But when he spoke to me disrespectfully, left home and didn't call, acted like I was bugging him when I would call him, lashing his anger out on me for no apparent reason, I got pissed and told her I'm cool on them and that business venture between us. She kept saying, "what does that have to do with me, I just want to stay out of it but she is in it cuz she lured him back out there, she know she's wrong! and I said I know you from him and I don't know what's really going on with you and him out there. She knows I know what they're doing but I guess she was going to try me anyway. But when I didn't comform to her wishes, she told him all kinds of negative stuff I was suppose to have said about him, but that is how the enemy is, hel'll use whatever he can to make you (the innocent one) look like the villian. He said after hearing what they (her & her boyfriend or trick) said I said, he has no words for me!
(side note: She is the one who just got out of jail and went to a recovery program only to leave a few days later on new years eve and then dangle speed suggestions to my ABF on the 2nd and he's been gone ever since.) ~
I called him right away and asked him why he had her call me about this because the night before, he got really irritated with me because I could not hear him clearly on our walkie talkie phones and so I called him right back and he said, Ïf you couldn't hear me, why are you still trying to talk to me?" I guess when I rejected her whom is obviously his best friend right now, he is pissed off at me and now he need to go on with his life, hum, interesting how he gave up on me so easily! It wasn't me, it IS him! Yes, a game IS being played! Don't do anything! let him hit the infamous rock bottom!
Robbie
PS. You know how we get, wanna nurture him and mother him to reality, but let God do it, he can do it better!

TexasGirl

(((Kermit)))

mazey

((((Kermit)))))
He needs a Colorado ID to cash cheks, prolly. YOU are doing just fine, deep breaths......

kermit

Okay I talked with stephen, the person sending the emails was the woman he is or was having tthe computer thing with. She was trully worried about him, she didn't know what else to do. He finnaly called me today we talked for about a hour. he said that he is very depressed and wanted to take his life. He was going to be homeless in 4 days. so his brother said if he could get to Az he could stay with him. So I bought him a ticket to Az. He said he was not sure how he would get to the airport, I said that was up to him, if he wanted help he needed to go somewhere safe so he could seek it out and his brother agreed to help him get it. Done! I know you are thinking what a sucker I am and yes I am, Stephen IS a HUMAN being and I don't want him to die or be homeless. I have done what I could now it is up to him to follow thru! With hope in my heart, I wish for him to find the truth behind his pain and to deal with it and become the man I know he can be.
Thank you everyone for all you have given me today.

WantsOut

I think you handled it in a way where you feel you did your duty as a human being, but you didn't get him entangled in your daily life. Bravo! Well done. Very well done.

Mr. Christian

People all see to do what they can for whatever reason they have to justify it. But like I have learned like so many others here, if they keep getting bailed out and you enable them, they will never seek help they need on their own.


You are struggling with feeding your children and you get NO support from him.
Please read all your past posts here. I did that a couple times myself with my own sitch, I think you will see in your own writing the path that you truly must take.

mallowcup

I thought he went out to Colorado with a woman? Where is she? Nothing has really changed except he has added miles to his problems. In reality, shouldn't you have been the one making a distress call? I'm trying to imagine the nerve of anyone who would call you for help. Sounds to me like something someone drinking would do. How much more is supposed to come from you? You and your kids don't need to start the new year with this drama. Facts: There is a police dept there. There is a hospital. There is a bank there. Change your number.

blizzard77

Sorry for coming in late on this thread. If buying him a plane ticket is what you wanted to do then so be it. I know how you worry about him especially after drama like this but Kermit he just played you IMHO. I'm not judging because I would have probably done the same thing. I'm not in that point of recovery where I feel guilty if I don't do something.
You DO NOT have to feel guilty because you don't help him. He left you and your children and if I remember correctly he was with another woman. It's not Stephen speaknig with you it's his disease. I wish you all the strength and courage you will need to stop rescuing him. Again, no judgement here. My AH has only been gone 2 1/2 and I have been unable to stick to no contact. So, the strength and courage I pray for you I pray for myself too.
((((kermit)))

kermit

No way! I will not change my #. He did not go to Colorado to be with a woman he went there out of desperation because he had a friend there. He has never asked me for help. He has no parents to turn to so he turned to his brother I will help him get to his brother thats it. I'm not giving up on him no way. I don't want him to be my husband but I do want him to be a Dad and I know first hand what it is like to be depressed like he is. Everyone has turned there back on him I will not. He has finnaly asked for help. What good is to me dead? I can't do that.

denny57

To get sober?

mallowcup

Frankly, dead means you can collect a social security check for each of your kids until they are 18. Sorry to b so blunt. The other thing is this, not helping him is not turning your back on him. You don't really think that people who actively stop enabling stop caring do you? Until he has no one, he will not hit bottom. Without hitting bottom, he won't quit. By bailing him out, he is less likely to ever be the kind of father your kids need. He is not being a dad. I will reread your old posts because I was quite certain he was staying with a woman who left with him for Colorado. Sorry for that confusion. Just remember, not helping him in no way implies you have turned your back on him.