Sally

Hello there friends it's me again.....having a moment...of crisis...I feel like Iam going around in circles.....I feel better mentaly....but Iam not sure if Iam making the right decisions.....I fear that Iam going to put myself, deeper and deeper into the chaos, , I just can't seen to see my way through to the end result.....of my decision....which is probably so apparent to others...pretty much everyone has alinated us.....as a couple....because of all the chaos,. I have been going forward with my dicision and plan....and I guess Iam scared that I may being going the wrong way....I stop and panic....and start to think about going the other way again.....Iam torturing myself...by causing myself...more and more stress....I need to choose a direction and follow it through. I have been praying every morning.....and feel better mentaly.....I just feel like I wish I could hand it all over to someone else and say Wake me when it's all over....I feel like I just need a rest.....I am finding it hard to go to work each day, I want to take some time off......I also hate who Ive become or am becoming.....A friend that helped me and supported me through all my crap of leaving and everything....was there for every crazy phone call I made......I haven't called since Christmass, since I came back with my ex...I know she's going to say...oh he has stopped drinking and Iam going to say NO.....but....Iam an idiot...I just can't accept the fact...that its over......I just don't want it to be over......my mind aches....when I go in that direction because it just doesn't feel right...Iam so dammed scared...my instincts are so screwed up that I just can't seem to be able to see the right direction clearly. Thank you for the Halt......message...hungrey angry, lonely , tired. stop and do something for myself, that works.....I just want to be at home......and heal...the fights all gone out of me...I just want to put it all back together....and.......live a quite, calm , orderly live.. at home.

Sally

Hello there

I just got off the phone with my dear friend.....I got up the nerve and called her...she was working but I talked to her husband, and told her I was safe, o.k...and that I was sorry I hadn't called in so long.....anyway I feel better....

Ann

Sally

I am sorry for the turmoil you are going through. Have you tried any meetings? If not, please find one and I promise you that you will get your balance again and feel so very much better.

What have you got to lose? What have you got to gain?

Try it. You may surprise yourself.

Sally

I so badly want to attend meetings....my predicament is.....I do not want to leave my children here...with my A alone at night. while I attend meetings.....I do not ever, ever leave them with him.....he is not reliable to watch them....I never now when he's going to drink....it is difficult for me to attend meetings....I live out of town....in the country....I could arrange a sittler.....but that would take some arranging.....I think there are meetings on sundays...that sounds like I could attend....when he's drunk I can work around him....but that is one major inconvinience...is that I have to work around him with the children.....It holds me back from doing many things....taking a different job.....ext....I hate it and wouldn't know what it was like to have a supportive healthy parent to partner with.......If I could change things I certainly would.....If I could forsee this.....I wouldn't have had anymore kids with him.....
I have left 2 times....and probably didn't stay away long enough to get strongly on my feet....but crazily enough I feel like I can provide better for them in our home....I have less financial burden, and I can be at home with them......
That's why I log onto this site....because it is so difficult to attend meetings.

Live

Sally,

I say this with love and compassion, but nothing changes if nothing changes. Anns is so right, please find a way to get to meetings somehow, for the sake of your sanity and your family.

The chaos plays hell on our minds and emotions and robs us of our ability to think clearly.

I have been in this torment and it is torture!

You deserve the peace you crave!!

hugs,
live