GirlInterrupted

Last night at 1 am I got a call from HIM, he was crying hysterically and completely drunk. He started telling me how much he missed me and how no matter what he does he can't stop thinking of me, and even when he tries to get with another girl he can't get himself to do anything with them because when he opens up his eyes and I am not there he gets sad. But then he started telling me the reason he broke up with me is because i am controlling. ** long story short:: when we started dating, he had 2 guy friends in his band who liked me. One of them kept trying to get with me and got high and confessed his love to me. I told him -we'll call him "S"- so I told "s" and he talked to them about it. And then got high with them. He told me that if i stop throwing up my food, he'd stop doing drugs & drinking, i thought that included weed. I got upset, because i felt like he was just trying to make me fat and i yelled at him. His friends called me on his phone and told me to kill myself, so i ODed, and was in the hospital. When i got out they started calling me && told me I was a w**** and i should slit my wrists. "s" never did anything, well he said he did but not when I was there. Eventually he got out of the band, and i told him I loved his music but the fact that he was in a band with people who were so mean to me made me not want to be with him so if he was in a band with them i couldn't be with him for my own sake. He'd lie and go out with them, i told him he can have whatever friends he wants but i HATE lying.. ** thats what he thinks is controlling about me. He also tried to tell me things that never happened, or tell me i said things i didn't.

Then this morning when he was sober he text me and was telling me how even though he was drunk it was all true. We talked later that day && he said he does love me && miss me but he needs to be single. I am preparing myself because I know once i see him again he is going to want to go back out with me, we never get back together over the phone when we break up. But i know i can't be with him, i am just not sure if i can have the strength to let him go.

It's sad, he is only 19 and can't go 6 days without caving and drinking even if he tries. And if he doesn't try then he drinks from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed and can't keep a job. I also find it sad that his life is just begining, and he's pretty much having a mental break down, and blacking out (which started before the alcohol). I can understand the whole "being single" thing, because what young guy doesn't want to be single?! But his problems are killing me.

Ever since I spoke to him last night I have felt nauses. I thought it was butterflies, but i think it is growing into discust. Not for him, but for myself. This whole situation is breaking me down, i can't even concentrate in school, I am like a week behind. No matter how many times he says he loves me, hearing it isn't enough, but i want to believe it. I want my the only constant in my life back, even if he is just my friend. I just don't want the lies that come along with him.

Right now i love him so much, i think if i am not careful i may hate him. Or at least the things he does. I see this beautiful person in him, he is killing that person, and it hurts to watch that.

minuet

Hi.

I kinda know how you feel about the hate thing.

After the whole window incident I couldn't look at him anymore or talk to him. All I could feel was bitterness and resentment and that's not a good place to be. He could feel it too. probably another reason for leaving.

prodigal

GirlInterrupted ... Didn't you mention that your therapist thought that you should attend some battered women support groups rather than Al-Anon? I think you mentioned that he felt you would relate better to that group. Frankly, I don't take any therapist's advice as gospel; after all, they're just human beings.

However, I was wondering if you have tried to find or have found any boards similar to this one where abused women and men share their stories with one another. Do you think this would be helpful for you? Since you don't see Al-Anon as an avenue you wish to pursue at the moment, do you know if there are women with whom you can share your situation and the pain it is causing you? Just a suggestion.

dollydo

Thought you weren't going to answer his calls anymore, what happened to that boundry?

Girl, you have many issues that can only be resolved with long term therapy,
professional help.

Speaking for myself, I am not professionally trained to help you resolve the miriade of problems you have.

Now is the time to nip them in the bud, while you are young before, they get
even more out of control.

I sincerely hope you will seek the professional help you need, and, follow through with long term dedication to get at the root of your many issues.

Personally, I will not post on your threads any longer, I can see that my responses are not helping you one little bit.

I do care, please seek the help you need.

Dolly

embraced2000

girl.....ii think you should be totally honest with your counselor at school about all the things you have discussed with us. your counselor could get you into group therapy with people your own age, that are going through what you are going through.

you are not a freak....there are so many other kids your age going through the same things you are going through.

but you have to be honest with your counselor....trust me, they have dealt with many kinds of issues....your's is not that unique to them. of course it is unique with you, because you are living it....the counselors at school have seen many, many kids dealing with exaclty what you are living with.

please go to them and be honest. they will, hopefully, lead you the right way. that is their job. but you must be honest about the cutting, the ed, the alcoholism in your home, the abuse, the alcoholic boyfriend.

they have to know the truth before they can help you. don't be afraid. it is the courageous thing to do...be brave. you can do it.

let me know how it goes, ok
love to you
jeri

MsPINKAcres

"30% of women killed are murdered by their boyfriends or husbands. . . "

I'll bet if you could ask those murdered women - everyone of them would tell you that they really loved their boyfriends/husbands - that there is a beautiful person somewhere inside of him - that he begged them to take him back, that it would be different this time - that he promised not to drink/drug/yell/hit never again.

Yes Girl, there is always hope that this young man of yours can change - that he can get into recovery & become that beautiful person that you see inside of him - "Let go & Let God" - Let him become that person without you. You become the beautiful person that is inside of you - the one that we see, the one that your HP wants you to be.

Then, and only then - could both of you come together to have a healthy, productive relationship.

That is usually the best way for us to do it - that is what I see work most often.

Learn to take care of you - You are special. You deserve it.

One Day at a Time,
Rita

lilac

You need to talk to your counselor.......If you don't feel comfortable verbalizing everything you have posted here, tell the counselor you need to discuss some issues with him/her and print out some of your threads from here.

You really do need to get some professional help, while you are soooo young. The older we get, the harder it is and the more baggage our problems become to us.

(((Take care)))

embraced2000

very good idea lilac....girl, why don't you print out every one of your posts and thread on here and give them to your counselor?

another girl on here did that, and she was so relieved when she did....she struggled about it, but decided to go ahead with it. good things came of it.

love to you
jeri

GirlInterrupted

prodigal:: "However, I was wondering if you have tried to find or have found any boards similar to this one where abused women and men share their stories with one another. Do you think this would be helpful for you? Since you don't see Al-Anon as an avenue you wish to pursue at the moment, do you know if there are women with whom you can share your situation and the pain it is causing you?"

Accually, i called this place that holds meetings for batter wives or gfs. I think they even have meetings for kids in abusive homes as well. I just almost feel guilty for wanting to go. I know that doesn't make sence...


dollydo:: "Girl, you have many issues that can only be resolved with long term therapy, professional help."

So I've herd...



embraced2000:: "please go to them and be honest. they will, hopefully, lead you the right way. that is their job. but you must be honest about the cutting, the ed, the alcoholism in your home, the abuse, the alcoholic boyfriend."

But since I am a minor, if he thinks i am in danger, or a danger to myself he has to call someone and will get sent away. And i don't want that to happen.



Japic05:: "I'll bet if you could ask those murdered women - everyone of them would tell you that they really loved their boyfriends/husbands - that there is a beautiful person somewhere inside of him - that he begged them to take him back, that it would be different this time - that he promised not to drink/drug/yell/hit never again."

Never thought of it like that...


"Yes Girl, there is always hope that this young man of yours can change - that he can get into recovery & become that beautiful person that you see inside of him - "Let go & Let God" - Let him become that person without you. You become the beautiful person that is inside of you - the one that we see, the one that your HP wants you to be. Then, and only then - could both of you come together to have a healthy, productive relationship."


That makes a lot of sence. Me and him accually spoke today about the help we both need and i came to the conclusion that we both had issues, and both hated feeling pain. We replaced pain with our addictions, then when we met, replaced our addictions with eachother. But we never accually healed. We both agreed that we both have a lot of healing to do, and not being together is best during that process. At least until we are stable enough within ourselves to learn how to love someone else a healthy way, without it turning into an obsessive relationship. It could take years, but if we are trulley in love then there will be another chance for us in the future. We are both young, so it's really not the end of the world for either of us, just the begining of knowing how to live.


lilac:: ".......If you don't feel comfortable verbalizing everything you have posted here, tell the counselor you need to discuss some issues with him/her and print out some of your threads from here."

I could probally try that. Or, i could just write down in a journal what I want him to know. When I was little (like 7 or 8) and my mom took me to therapy because of my step-dad i use to write down everything I wanted the lady to know. i wasn't a big talker what I was young. And that worked well for me. I would write it in a poem or like it was a story. But i think I am old enough now to write it as first person lol.