Let me Know If I'm Wrong here!!
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
Let me Know If I'm Wrong here!!
Tell me if I’m out of line here. I met a girl about a week ago and we went out last Friday and then again on Saturday.
We had a great time in fact I was very happy with the 2 days.
But after those days I thought that I would not hear what I did today.
She told me she was busy this Saturday , another guy is taking her out.
She told me she just wants to date for awhile and not get involved too fast.
Ok, I understand part of this. But “I” do have a problem with her dating others then me.
I might be old fashion but I would rather see someone that just sees me to see where it will go.
I think when you date more then one you share emotions and thoughts with more then one and you really don’t give a chance to just one person.
Am I wrong?
We had a great time in fact I was very happy with the 2 days.
But after those days I thought that I would not hear what I did today.
She told me she was busy this Saturday , another guy is taking her out.
She told me she just wants to date for awhile and not get involved too fast.
Ok, I understand part of this. But “I” do have a problem with her dating others then me.
I might be old fashion but I would rather see someone that just sees me to see where it will go.
I think when you date more then one you share emotions and thoughts with more then one and you really don’t give a chance to just one person.
Am I wrong?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
You aren't wrong in what you want. Some people don't feel the same way and that's OK too. She is probably not someone you should take too seriously. Since you know this is not what you want for you own life, I'd move on. Like you , I'm not a dater. It feels like I'm a stone just skipping the surface.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
hi mr. c.
each sets their own standards. if dating one person exclusively at a time is a standard that is important to you, then obviously this one would not be a right match to your standards.
personally, i would feel much the same way. i would only date one person at a time.....at my age, it's all i would have the energy for and my memory is getting so bad, i would have hard time keeping track....besides, i feel like you do about getting to know someone a little better to see if you even want to continue dating them.
so i kinda understand. but then, i also know i tend to not to want to share my new find, either. until i decide they are a throw-a-way, or keeper, i want them to myself. now, that doesn't sound too healthy, huh?
i just don't know, mr. c....i would be uncomfortable dating someone who was dating others....now, why would that be?
ask yourself the same question. the question gets too big for me.
jeri
each sets their own standards. if dating one person exclusively at a time is a standard that is important to you, then obviously this one would not be a right match to your standards.
personally, i would feel much the same way. i would only date one person at a time.....at my age, it's all i would have the energy for and my memory is getting so bad, i would have hard time keeping track....besides, i feel like you do about getting to know someone a little better to see if you even want to continue dating them.
so i kinda understand. but then, i also know i tend to not to want to share my new find, either. until i decide they are a throw-a-way, or keeper, i want them to myself. now, that doesn't sound too healthy, huh?
i just don't know, mr. c....i would be uncomfortable dating someone who was dating others....now, why would that be?
ask yourself the same question. the question gets too big for me.
jeri
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
Well,
hehehe,,, Online.
We had a great time and I would love to see her again but I do not like the having to take a number like an ice cream parlor.
"NOW SERVING NUMBER 23!! IS THERE A NUMBER 23"
hehehe,,, Online.
We had a great time and I would love to see her again but I do not like the having to take a number like an ice cream parlor.
"NOW SERVING NUMBER 23!! IS THERE A NUMBER 23"
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
i know many people who have met their spouses on line. it's just another avenue for meeting people. no different than any other toss of the dice. one still has to be just as careful even if they meet someone by chance as if they meet them on line. jmho
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Hello friend,
I think your position is yours and not wrong.
Perhaps for her, this is how she dates. That is how I date, and just to show the other side, I will explain why I do. First, I dont become physically involved with anyone, unless its exclusive, so dont assume thats where shes going. Perhaps shes just trying to be casual and make certain shes giving herself a proper chance at healthy exposure.
I know the reason I do it, is to avoid overenmeshment (if thats a word) with one person too soon... a defense mechanism of sorts.
I would take it as a bad thing...
I bet she digs ya!!
Just my 2 cents!
I think your position is yours and not wrong.
Perhaps for her, this is how she dates. That is how I date, and just to show the other side, I will explain why I do. First, I dont become physically involved with anyone, unless its exclusive, so dont assume thats where shes going. Perhaps shes just trying to be casual and make certain shes giving herself a proper chance at healthy exposure.
I know the reason I do it, is to avoid overenmeshment (if thats a word) with one person too soon... a defense mechanism of sorts.
I would take it as a bad thing...
I bet she digs ya!!Just my 2 cents!
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
She told me that it was your reason Elizabeth. But as with other things we have all incountered, it's something I can't live with.
Yes she says she likes me alot, very much so. But sad to say I guess I'll move on.
Yes she says she likes me alot, very much so. But sad to say I guess I'll move on.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
I know where you're coming from, Mr. C. Different strokes for different folks. You have to be comfortable with the person you're dating and at least be singing on the same page, even at the beginning of the dating relationship.
I think the deal with online dating is that a lady frequently wants to go out on a number of casual dates and meet more than one guy just to get back out in the dating scene. When my former H and I split up 7 years ago, I gave online dating a try. I went out with a few guys. I didn't want anything exclusive at that point (I had been separated for just a year) but I wanted to try dating again. Actually, one guy I went out with became a buddy. He called me when he got engaged and we kept in touch by phone until he moved out of state.
Be true to yourself and I know you will find someone whose dating philosophy meshes with your's.
I think the deal with online dating is that a lady frequently wants to go out on a number of casual dates and meet more than one guy just to get back out in the dating scene. When my former H and I split up 7 years ago, I gave online dating a try. I went out with a few guys. I didn't want anything exclusive at that point (I had been separated for just a year) but I wanted to try dating again. Actually, one guy I went out with became a buddy. He called me when he got engaged and we kept in touch by phone until he moved out of state.
Be true to yourself and I know you will find someone whose dating philosophy meshes with your's.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
You're not wrong, Mr. C. Don't give her another thought, just keep on moving forward, one day at a time, and the right women will present herself when the time is right. Perhaps you pulled out your Clark Kent glasses too soon. While you're a stud in your superhero costume, you look pretty geeky in those dark, horn-rimmed glasses. Next time, keep them in your pocket.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Hanging In There
Posts: 87
Sounds like you had a great time with her and I'm sorry your feelings were hurt.
I have never personally used on line dating but know people who have. Many of them plan dates in advance, wanting to see whats out there. Maybe she even had the date before she made the dates with you.
But at least she was honest with you - I know a number of women over the years that date with different guys and never even tell them the truth about the other dates. At least give her that much credit.
I have never personally used on line dating but know people who have. Many of them plan dates in advance, wanting to see whats out there. Maybe she even had the date before she made the dates with you.
But at least she was honest with you - I know a number of women over the years that date with different guys and never even tell them the truth about the other dates. At least give her that much credit.
Royalty
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 366
Look around here, is anyone's marriage going "great"? .... I think you are asking the wrong bunch. lol
I think it's great that she is honest with you. That's a big plus in my opinion at the beginning of a relationship. I don't see much problem in having alot of friends at this point, including yourself. There is no reason that you can't watch a movie or have dinner with any of your friends. She may have already had those plans made before seeing you.....take it slow, is the way to go.
My only real advice on dating is NEVER DATE A NEIGHBOR.....ughhhhh. I went out with a neighbor, who lives diagonal from my back yard.....he can see into my yard and kitchen 24/7.....We went to dinner a few times, took the kids to a truck run (such a stupid thing to go watch big trucks driving through mud).... and I couldn't stand his child (major brat) and neighbor liked to talk alot about his ex.....he sent flowers, and called alot.....kinda strange since he could have hollered off the back porch instead, lol......anyways, when I decided I had enough, I had no way to give the "white lie" that I wasn't home, that I was busy, or any excuse other than, I don't want to.....
Then I met my current husband shortly after this, and we would sit in back yard, have campfires and such, and there was the neighbor...... I felt so bad for the longest time. He eventually came over one day, and met husband, and it's been okay, but still awkward... He likes to bring his new dates over and introduce them....even weirder. So that's my advice, online is probably better, just be safe.
I think it's great that she is honest with you. That's a big plus in my opinion at the beginning of a relationship. I don't see much problem in having alot of friends at this point, including yourself. There is no reason that you can't watch a movie or have dinner with any of your friends. She may have already had those plans made before seeing you.....take it slow, is the way to go.
My only real advice on dating is NEVER DATE A NEIGHBOR.....ughhhhh. I went out with a neighbor, who lives diagonal from my back yard.....he can see into my yard and kitchen 24/7.....We went to dinner a few times, took the kids to a truck run (such a stupid thing to go watch big trucks driving through mud).... and I couldn't stand his child (major brat) and neighbor liked to talk alot about his ex.....he sent flowers, and called alot.....kinda strange since he could have hollered off the back porch instead, lol......anyways, when I decided I had enough, I had no way to give the "white lie" that I wasn't home, that I was busy, or any excuse other than, I don't want to.....
Then I met my current husband shortly after this, and we would sit in back yard, have campfires and such, and there was the neighbor...... I felt so bad for the longest time. He eventually came over one day, and met husband, and it's been okay, but still awkward... He likes to bring his new dates over and introduce them....even weirder. So that's my advice, online is probably better, just be safe.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
Mr. C,
Your way is right for you and her way is right for her. I can understand why she may want to date others and I can understand your side too.
I like what Elizabeth said about it being a defense mechanism against over enmeshment. I'm thinking if I got out dating I may have to do the same thing for awhile.
And give her credit, she was honest about it so she's not playing games with you.
Cat
Your way is right for you and her way is right for her. I can understand why she may want to date others and I can understand your side too.
I like what Elizabeth said about it being a defense mechanism against over enmeshment. I'm thinking if I got out dating I may have to do the same thing for awhile.
And give her credit, she was honest about it so she's not playing games with you.
Cat
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
Well I guess it is good that she is up front and I knew she was dating. But after the times that we were together I kind of felt like it was not going to be easy for me “sharing” so to speak.
I think it’s that comfort zone thing for me. Trust is important , very much so.
But the more I thought about it and even more over night, I felt like I am not comfortable being in the rotation.
I let the girl down the street set rules when I was seeing her, and we know how that went. ( BAD )
I do know that this new one is doing it for herself though. She said she has moved too fast in the past, but then so have I. I guess there are different ways to go about it though.
I’m just not too happy with this way.
I know when we talked last night she asked if we would talk later and I said ok. But I never called her back.
I think I should at least tell her how I feel and that I need to be taking out of the line up.
She is a big baseball fan so I hope that works.
I think it’s that comfort zone thing for me. Trust is important , very much so.
But the more I thought about it and even more over night, I felt like I am not comfortable being in the rotation.
I let the girl down the street set rules when I was seeing her, and we know how that went. ( BAD )
I do know that this new one is doing it for herself though. She said she has moved too fast in the past, but then so have I. I guess there are different ways to go about it though.
I’m just not too happy with this way.
I know when we talked last night she asked if we would talk later and I said ok. But I never called her back.
I think I should at least tell her how I feel and that I need to be taking out of the line up.
She is a big baseball fan so I hope that works.
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