No Worries Mate
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
No Worries Mate
Just thought I would check in briefly, we are on spring break and the kids are around constantly!!!!! and it is raining......again!!!
Made it through what would have been a crisis this weekend and felt pretty good about myself. My toddler was with my Mom and the boys (8, 11) were here with my husband. I went shopping with my sister for several hours. The hubby had the boys doing some painting and then they knocked off and went fishing in the lake in our backyard. Apparently in addition to minnows my hubby bought an 18 pack of beer too. By the time I got home he wasn't drinking, but 10 beers were gone! I didn't say anything! My sister stayed and I cooked a BIG supper, with it he had 1 more beer, but he never acted like a BUTT! I'm pretty sure he was trying to hide the fact that he had had that much. When I went down to have a beer myself I noticed he (or someone) had pushed all the beer in the box to the front to give the appearance that the box was full. Anyway........there were no reprocussions! I went ahead and did what I wanted .....had a good time......no fights........no anger!!!
The feeling I got this time was different than any other.....I actually was saddned by the fact that he has to drink that much to feel comfortible or that he can't "control" how much he has. I have never felt "sad" or "sorry" for him, only angry. I hope that this new feeling is a good thing. It has to be better, because I didn't have an anger hang-over the next day. Has anyone else had one of those. Where you were so mad that you don't sleep well and the next day you feel like YOU drank a keg instead of THEM?
Anyhow, hope everyone has a great week if I don't get the chance to come back for a while .......everyone will be in my prayers.
Constant
Made it through what would have been a crisis this weekend and felt pretty good about myself. My toddler was with my Mom and the boys (8, 11) were here with my husband. I went shopping with my sister for several hours. The hubby had the boys doing some painting and then they knocked off and went fishing in the lake in our backyard. Apparently in addition to minnows my hubby bought an 18 pack of beer too. By the time I got home he wasn't drinking, but 10 beers were gone! I didn't say anything! My sister stayed and I cooked a BIG supper, with it he had 1 more beer, but he never acted like a BUTT! I'm pretty sure he was trying to hide the fact that he had had that much. When I went down to have a beer myself I noticed he (or someone) had pushed all the beer in the box to the front to give the appearance that the box was full. Anyway........there were no reprocussions! I went ahead and did what I wanted .....had a good time......no fights........no anger!!!
The feeling I got this time was different than any other.....I actually was saddned by the fact that he has to drink that much to feel comfortible or that he can't "control" how much he has. I have never felt "sad" or "sorry" for him, only angry. I hope that this new feeling is a good thing. It has to be better, because I didn't have an anger hang-over the next day. Has anyone else had one of those. Where you were so mad that you don't sleep well and the next day you feel like YOU drank a keg instead of THEM?
Anyhow, hope everyone has a great week if I don't get the chance to come back for a while .......everyone will be in my prayers.
Constant
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
yup... I have definately had anger hang-overs!!
Lately when my A was drinking / using, he would be gone for 2 or 3 days - he was hiding
. So all night, I would toss and turn, my mind filled with the unimaginable things he MIGHT be doing. And by morning I was just plain angry, especially if he wasn't home yet. I would carry a permanent frown on my face for the next few days, and took every opportunity I could to make him feel real guilty. I think in a way I ENJOYED that role... "I am the almighty powerful wife, who has everything in control!... You? You are the scum of the earth... you WILL start listening to me!!" hmmmm... yup I was pretty "sick" too. Now, when he would drink / use, I would take a hot bath, listen to music, get together with a friend, take off for the night.... whatever it takes to NOT think about him. And in the morning I would be well rested and void of anger. I began to realize that the worst shame and guilt my A feels is already in his heart... I don't have to add my two bits.
I have to admit constant, I was never able to drink around my husband since I began my recovery. I guess I am one of those people who really doesn't enjoy alcohol... and am sure I am scarred from all that alcohol has done to my A and other family members. But, it sounds like you enjoyed your night REGARDLESS of what was going on with your A, and that is great! Keep posting, and take good care of YOU.
Meg
Lately when my A was drinking / using, he would be gone for 2 or 3 days - he was hiding
. So all night, I would toss and turn, my mind filled with the unimaginable things he MIGHT be doing. And by morning I was just plain angry, especially if he wasn't home yet. I would carry a permanent frown on my face for the next few days, and took every opportunity I could to make him feel real guilty. I think in a way I ENJOYED that role... "I am the almighty powerful wife, who has everything in control!... You? You are the scum of the earth... you WILL start listening to me!!" hmmmm... yup I was pretty "sick" too. Now, when he would drink / use, I would take a hot bath, listen to music, get together with a friend, take off for the night.... whatever it takes to NOT think about him. And in the morning I would be well rested and void of anger. I began to realize that the worst shame and guilt my A feels is already in his heart... I don't have to add my two bits.I have to admit constant, I was never able to drink around my husband since I began my recovery. I guess I am one of those people who really doesn't enjoy alcohol... and am sure I am scarred from all that alcohol has done to my A and other family members. But, it sounds like you enjoyed your night REGARDLESS of what was going on with your A, and that is great! Keep posting, and take good care of YOU.
Meg
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Hey Meg, Now that I have kicked the kids off the computer for a few minutes I have a chance to thank you for your reply!
I tried not consuming alcohol for about a year, but I quickly found that it didn't make a difference. I struggle with the is it OK or not, but have decided that HE has the problem not ME. If it is Spring Break and I would like to have a beer before dinner then I should. Somehow in my twisted mind, I also feel like I can show my kids that you can drink responsibly. (meaning 1 or 2 instead of drinking to drunkeness) I feel that it is unlikely that or really unreasonible to think they will never try alcohol (wish they wouldn't) so maybe by seeing that EVERYONE doesn't drink out of control will help them to more careful.
If he chose to seek help and asked me not to drink, I would be more than happy to. Matter of fact I would be elated!!!! Maybe that day will come....until then I will keep working on myself!
Thanks again for being there Meg!
Constant
I tried not consuming alcohol for about a year, but I quickly found that it didn't make a difference. I struggle with the is it OK or not, but have decided that HE has the problem not ME. If it is Spring Break and I would like to have a beer before dinner then I should. Somehow in my twisted mind, I also feel like I can show my kids that you can drink responsibly. (meaning 1 or 2 instead of drinking to drunkeness) I feel that it is unlikely that or really unreasonible to think they will never try alcohol (wish they wouldn't) so maybe by seeing that EVERYONE doesn't drink out of control will help them to more careful.
If he chose to seek help and asked me not to drink, I would be more than happy to. Matter of fact I would be elated!!!! Maybe that day will come....until then I will keep working on myself!
Thanks again for being there Meg!
Constant
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