what if his problems are all in my head..
 

That just hit me after I made my last post. He talked to me on the phone completely normal...like there was never anything wrong. So what if there wasn't? What if I am just being over dramatic about it && his "problems" are really just in my head? What if there is no problem, I am just creating them??

only you know that

You'd still need to figure out why YOU are doing that. Because it isn't about him.

No, his problems are in his head. Yours are in your head. But his problems will be your problems if you focus on him instead of yourself.

I'm beginning to become more aware of what I've been letting go as "normal" is pretty messed up. My therapist asked me the other day "why would you tolerate AH's unacceptable behavior for so many years". Boy, did that get me thinking. Whenever one of his drunken crazy nights/days would happen, I'd play it down inside my head...I'd tell myself that it was just all the stress in his life, blah blah blah etc. etc. I'd tell myself that if I left him then one of two things would most likely happen 1) I'd be alone for the rest of my life 2) My next man would have an even more troublesome quality. For the first time in six years I'm beginning to see the possibility that my life could be A LOT better than this. I'm starting to get stronger.

I think your question is a good one. But from all you've posted here, it sounds like you know that it's not a great situation. I doubt it's all in your head.

Girl,
You are obviously aware of your co-dependency...you are here. This man is consuming you...at least that is what appears evident by your posts. Sometimes I feel like I'm at an AA meeting listening to someone who is completely bombed.

Did I just say that? I'm sorry Girl...but you just don't seem to be accepting that this is about you....your relationship with you.

Both those possibilities scare me...to death.

So is HE my problem, or am I my problem? Or both? Or am I his problem?

girl....you have a blank canvas before you....fill it in the way you would like it to be

I used to think the same thing, untill he started telling the kids lies. He would say one thing to them and another to me. I used to think maybe I was making it up or that I was nuts. but I started to go to alanon and the things I would here made so much sence to me.I was working on me and finding out what i didn't want to believe about him.

in three words or less....answer that question for yourself....lets see what you think

It's fine you said that. My mom pretty much said the same thing, accept with A LOT more cursing in it.

But tthis isn't about my realtionship with me. It is about my realtionship with him because he's the alcoholic... i think that's where i'm getting lost possibly.

He's never told the kids lies...cause we don't have kids. But he tells me lies. Says things then makes ME believe I said them. And I seriously think I am crazy. I must be. I mean, i am to the point now where i exspect someone to tell me he never even exsisted. That's how crazy I feel.

Which question?

So is HE my problem, or am I my problem? Or both? Or am I his problem?

I think it is.

JMHO

i'm my problem....

&& his?

then how come everytime i think of me, i think of him?

Your problems are of your own making. Which is a good thing, because it means that HE doesn't have to change for YOU to get well.

At this point don't worry about if you are his problem or not.

Another problem I see that you have is that you are trying to solve the problem with the problem-which is your head. Quit trying to figure this out on your own, find an Al-Anon family group, find an Al-Anon member in whom the problem has been solved by taking the action in the 12 Steps, and then ask them to take you through that process.
Jim

I don't know. But an expert could help you figure it out. One helped me.