what if his problems are all in my head..

Old 01-04-2007, 09:43 PM
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And thank you, jimhere

I know you can talk the talk because you have walked the walk! A voice of reason here, among others. I don't think we should ever be intentionally hurtful to someone who is hurting so much, but it's time to quit parsing words and address WHAT IS.
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Old 01-04-2007, 09:56 PM
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Your mind feels messed up because it is being manipulated by this man and you are not happy. You are trying to understand it but that is not possible!! You need to understand that he is manipulating you, because it keeps you in this relationship and allows him to keep doing what he wants to do. I thought I had so many mental issues and then once I left my alcoholic ex I realized, wow most of my issues came from this messed up crazy relationship!! My happiness and confidence went up in a way I cant even explain. You need to talk to people about this and realize that you deserve to be happy. Quit thinking about him and start thinking about yourself. You only get ONE LIFE. That sounds cliche but I think it is really profound. Please take care of yourself you are worth it!
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Old 01-04-2007, 09:59 PM
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Originally Posted by prodigal View Post
I know you can talk the talk because you have walked the walk! A voice of reason here, among others. I don't think we should ever be intentionally hurtful to someone who is hurting so much, but it's time to quit parsing words and address WHAT IS.

Truth without love is cruelty and confrontation with a real answer is brutality.
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Old 01-04-2007, 10:10 PM
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And I dont mean to be harsh at all, I know how you feel and I know it is far from easy. Our minds do become very confused. I just want you to know that it is not healthy and it does get so much better if you start putting yourself first.
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Old 01-04-2007, 10:53 PM
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Originally Posted by jimhere View Post
Truth without love is cruelty and confrontation with a real answer is brutality.


I meant to say "truth without love is cruelty and confrontation without a real answer is brutality."

Jim
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Old 01-05-2007, 12:34 AM
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sound judgement

Sound judgement and clarity come when our bodies and brains are well nourished with food water and positive thoughts, when the bare necessities are met, we can go on to more abstract issues. Being tired, malnourished, dehydrated and hooked with ill thinking people, is no way to fix the problems in our lives. People tend to follow good examples, people who have evidence that they follow their own advice. You can become an eviable and respected person by taking control of your life and the thoughts that churn around in your head. You stated yesterday that your life was good. It doesn't sound good. It sounds tormented. I would start with a complete physical from a medical doctor. I would call Alanon and speak to them about what you could expect at a meeting. I would pick up some books that I'm sure they could recommend. Get yourself around some people who will listen and support you. Your recovery is your testimony, it is the evidence that the rubber meets the road with you.
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Old 01-05-2007, 07:14 AM
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Originally Posted by devil_angel View Post
And I dont mean to be harsh at all, I know how you feel and I know it is far from easy. Our minds do become very confused. I just want you to know that it is not healthy and it does get so much better if you start putting yourself first.

I certainly agree...........I work at "undoing" that kind of obsessive-thinking habit daily;that is one reason I try to come here several times a day;so I don't fall back into those patterns. It creeped up on me without my knowledge. It takes work and practice and the people here have been very kind examples for me so that I am FINALLY starting to realize my obsessing for what it is and have they have given me a better way to strive for,and shown the way about how to go about actually doing it! It is really helping me and I am starting to feel my center again and not be in conflict with myself day and night (no wonder I have been so tired and confused!)

I find reading helps me alot;and re-reading. My mind catches on a lot faster than my feelings but that is ok,it's a process. As long as I'm getting better,I am not getting sicker! ha Have you read "Under the Influence", "Getting Them Sober",the Big Book of AA? All those have been gentle,helpful starting places for me. There are many other great books,too. Go to a book store and check it out. (Hazelden publishers have a lot of good ones,too)

It IS a struggle. I came here feeling just like you do......I STILL have days like that,although they are much less common for me now

Get the body there and the mind will follow. You can't feel your way into good actions,but you can act your way into feeling good....you keep working on your recovery and you'll get better inspite of yourself.....all things I have heard and have proved to be very true.

Take a chance to try a different way that has worked for many...many who didn't believe it would but had run out of options so they tried it anyhow. Trust enough to surrender to a new way....like me,doesn't sound like the "old" way has worked too well. (and it doesn't against alcoholism).

You are in good company;we have ALL been there! Keep coming back!!

*hugs*
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Old 01-05-2007, 09:51 AM
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You asked how I stopped the insanity? It took many steps.

1. Realized I could no long go on like this.
2. Sought counsoling
3. Worked with Alanon
4. Read tons of books and utilized this site
5. Got healthy mentally and physically
6. Left him

Not saying leaving is the only answer, some people can do 1 thru 5 and stay. I wasn't wired to live that way. It is a process and takes time. You do not get well overnight. Once on the road to your own recovery, life does get better. You will always have the scars of dealing with an alcoholic, for me they are no longer open festering wounds. Keep coming back, this is a great place no matter where you are in your recovery.
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Old 01-05-2007, 01:13 PM
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No it's not all in your head, he would just like you to think so so it takes the responsibility off of him.

And...............if your counsellor is going to make comments like the one you posted maybe it's time for a new counsellor?



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Old 01-05-2007, 04:47 PM
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For 10yrs I felt that I was seriously sick, mental, My AH made me feel the same way you are feeling now. I thought I was stupid, didn't get it ect. He also made me feel less then him. I thought i was the sick one and that I needed the help. I did but not for the reasons I thought at first. I thought I was mentaly crazy he made me feel like I made it all up.
Guess what? i'm not crazy..just a little insicure about myself and he palyed on that. i wanted to make his life good, make up for what his Mom did wrong.So you see we were bad for eachother. He would twist my thoughts, words everything. I'm just realizing it and it is painful to think that i let him do thid to me. You will understand what I'm saying one day. Stay healthy and work on you!
Love, Lynne
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Old 01-05-2007, 07:12 PM
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tracy1963:: "He knows that you think you are crazy and that you question your own sanity? And he uses that to manipulate you?
First, if you really think those things about yourself, you need to get treatment of some kind."

I doubt my sanity, mainly because of the things i have chosen to do to myself. I do feel crazy, but at the same time i feel completely sane. Almost like..... I am sane and normal, just not in this world. Plus, i over think EVERYTHING, which could drive anyone insane. I feel crazy the most when i can not find a way out of my own mind, when my thoughts consume me. Which is why i write so much.




devil_angel:: "Your mind feels messed up because it is being manipulated by this man and you are not happy. You are trying to understand it but that is not possible!! You need to understand that he is manipulating you, because it keeps you in this relationship and allows him to keep doing what he wants to do. I thought I had so many mental issues and then once I left my alcoholic ex I realized, wow most of my issues came from this messed up crazy relationship!!"

I would not be surprised if the same happened for me.





Pick-a-name:: "Get the body there and the mind will follow. You can't feel your way into good actions,but you can act your way into feeling good...."

Wow...i really like that!!! it's very true... and i think in my mind thinking I wanted to get better was all i needed to do to get there.






Kermit:: "For 10yrs I felt that I was seriously sick, mental, My AH made me feel the same way you are feeling now. I thought I was stupid, didn't get it ect. He also made me feel less then him. I thought i was the sick one and that I needed the help. I did but not for the reasons I thought at first. I thought I was mentaly crazy he made me feel like I made it all up.
Guess what? i'm not crazy..just a little insicure about myself and he palyed on that. i wanted to make his life good, make up for what his Mom did wrong.So you see we were bad for eachother. He would twist my thoughts, words everything. I'm just realizing it and it is painful to think that i let him do thid to me."

That REALLY hit home for me!!
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