what if his problems are all in my head..
I can't save you
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Cookville, TN
Posts: 104
I read this in another post...
Hedda Nussbaum’s Red flags, First hand advice on how to spot an abuser, or at the very least a controlling man with a capacity for abuse:
1. He pushes too far, too fast, planning your future together right away
2. He hates his mother and is nasty to her
3. He wants your undivided attention
4. He must always be in charge
5. He always has to win
6. He breaks promises all the time
7. He can’t take criticism and always justifies his actions
8. He blames someone else for anything that goes wrong
9. He’s jealous of your close friends, family members, and all other men
10. He always asks you where you went and whom you saw
11. He has extreme highs and lows that are unpredictable
12. He has a mean temper
13. He often says you don’t know what you are talking about
14. He makes you feel like you’re not good enough
15. He withdraws his love or approval as punishment
16. He pushes you to do things that make you feel uneasy, like taking the day off from work or even breaking the law.
It describes my aexbf entirely... if he's like that then why in my head && heart I know it's my fault. He MAYY be abusive, but he isn't a bad guy :-/
nothing makes sence to me!!!!!!!!!!
Hedda Nussbaum’s Red flags, First hand advice on how to spot an abuser, or at the very least a controlling man with a capacity for abuse:
1. He pushes too far, too fast, planning your future together right away
2. He hates his mother and is nasty to her
3. He wants your undivided attention
4. He must always be in charge
5. He always has to win
6. He breaks promises all the time
7. He can’t take criticism and always justifies his actions
8. He blames someone else for anything that goes wrong
9. He’s jealous of your close friends, family members, and all other men
10. He always asks you where you went and whom you saw
11. He has extreme highs and lows that are unpredictable
12. He has a mean temper
13. He often says you don’t know what you are talking about
14. He makes you feel like you’re not good enough
15. He withdraws his love or approval as punishment
16. He pushes you to do things that make you feel uneasy, like taking the day off from work or even breaking the law.
It describes my aexbf entirely... if he's like that then why in my head && heart I know it's my fault. He MAYY be abusive, but he isn't a bad guy :-/
nothing makes sence to me!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: nor cal
Posts: 113
That is the insanty of the whole thing.
In reality what he does is a big deal and yes it does affect you.
Aftertime you begin to minimize, but in your head the face of reality is screaming, that is what makes you feel like you are going crazy. You begin to accept the unnacceptable, which makes them make you believe all is normal. YIKES the insanity.
It took me 2 years of being out of the situation to have it all make sense.
In reality what he does is a big deal and yes it does affect you.
Aftertime you begin to minimize, but in your head the face of reality is screaming, that is what makes you feel like you are going crazy. You begin to accept the unnacceptable, which makes them make you believe all is normal. YIKES the insanity.
It took me 2 years of being out of the situation to have it all make sense.
I can't save you
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Cookville, TN
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by mfisher 
That is the insanty of the whole thing.
In reality what he does is a big deal and yes it does affect you.
Aftertime you begin to minimize, but in your head the face of reality is screaming, that is what makes you feel like you are going crazy. You begin to accept the unnacceptable, which makes them make you believe all is normal. YIKES the insanity.
It took me 2 years of being out of the situation to have it all make sense.
In reality what he does is a big deal and yes it does affect you.
Aftertime you begin to minimize, but in your head the face of reality is screaming, that is what makes you feel like you are going crazy. You begin to accept the unnacceptable, which makes them make you believe all is normal. YIKES the insanity.
It took me 2 years of being out of the situation to have it all make sense.
How did you STOP from going crazy.
Cause I accually think i am going to have a mental break down.
And its not like i can just go to an alanon meeting && say "hey i love a guy who likes to make me feel like a horrible person, but without him i feel like i could die" i mean i feel pathetic just typing that.
I can't save you
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Cookville, TN
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by embraced2000
why couldn't you say that??? that's about what i said the first time i went....among many other things.
cause they will all think i am pathetic.
when i told my counselor that he said "you should just check yourself into a loony bin, only a crazy person could love him"
And he's the ONLY one i really talk to.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
al-anon members are all there for the same reason....there is nothing you could say that they haven't felt, lived in, done, thought about....remember, they, also are living with the effects of alcoholism. they understand....like no others can.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 2,384
Originally Posted by GirlInterrupted
How did you STOP from going crazy.
Cause I accually think i am going to have a mental break down.
And its not like i can just go to an alanon meeting && say "hey i love a guy who likes to make me feel like a horrible person, but without him i feel like i could die" i mean i feel pathetic just typing that.
Cause I accually think i am going to have a mental break down.
And its not like i can just go to an alanon meeting && say "hey i love a guy who likes to make me feel like a horrible person, but without him i feel like i could die" i mean i feel pathetic just typing that.
That kind of thinking could kill you.
One thing that you might find out if you went to an Al-Anon meeting is that you are not the only person has experienced what you've been experiencing. I've heard women talk out loud about that sort of stuff in AA meetings. I would imagine they do in Al-Anon meetings as well.
The best reason to go to an Al-Anon meeting is to say "I need some help. I can't do this alone."
Give yourself a break.
Jim
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Holy Cow Girl,
Where'd you find Hedda's Red Flags? My ex? 16 out of 16. That freaks me RIGHT OUT. I have read that sort of stuff before and only could check off a few in relation to him. Thank you very much for posting that.
Where'd you find Hedda's Red Flags? My ex? 16 out of 16. That freaks me RIGHT OUT. I have read that sort of stuff before and only could check off a few in relation to him. Thank you very much for posting that.
I can't save you
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Cookville, TN
Posts: 104
embraced2000:: Well, i never really thought that maybe they felt it to. I kinda feel like i must be the only one, because no matter what I have gone through in my life I don't think I have ever felt this alone.
jimhere:: "The best reason to go to an Al-Anon meeting is to say "I need some help. I can't do this alone."
Someone once told me that admitting you have a problem is like letting it get the best of you.
Nuudawn:: "Holy Cow Girl,
Where'd you find Hedda's Red Flags? My ex? 16 out of 16. That freaks me RIGHT OUT. I have read that sort of stuff before and only could check off a few in relation to him. Thank you very much for posting that."
I know, it's sooo wierd. Looking back on everything I thought me and him had I would have never for one minute thought he abused me. But then reading what the signs of abuse are makes me know he was. I mean, it can't be a coincedence that he was everything on that list. It's strange, because sometimes i am not sure if i have fallen in love with the pain, or the dream i had that we could be. I am begining to doubt that i may have ever accually been in love with HIM. Cause, to be in love it takes two. And why would he hurt me so bad over and over again if he accually loved me.
The whole situation is veryy strange to me, i am not sure why, but it's hard to grasp the truth.
jimhere:: "The best reason to go to an Al-Anon meeting is to say "I need some help. I can't do this alone."
Someone once told me that admitting you have a problem is like letting it get the best of you.
Nuudawn:: "Holy Cow Girl,
Where'd you find Hedda's Red Flags? My ex? 16 out of 16. That freaks me RIGHT OUT. I have read that sort of stuff before and only could check off a few in relation to him. Thank you very much for posting that."
I know, it's sooo wierd. Looking back on everything I thought me and him had I would have never for one minute thought he abused me. But then reading what the signs of abuse are makes me know he was. I mean, it can't be a coincedence that he was everything on that list. It's strange, because sometimes i am not sure if i have fallen in love with the pain, or the dream i had that we could be. I am begining to doubt that i may have ever accually been in love with HIM. Cause, to be in love it takes two. And why would he hurt me so bad over and over again if he accually loved me.
The whole situation is veryy strange to me, i am not sure why, but it's hard to grasp the truth.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
What has helped me so much are some small books;"Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews and learning to trust myself and gut again (and not his denials). To preview a few chapters free,online go to http://www.GettingThemSober.com.
Alcoholism causes many of the problems you are living with;the answer lies in what you will do to help yourself now that you realize what is the problem. Those choices are yours.
Learn about alcoholism and to do things in a different way and you can take back some of your own power and peace of mind and decide things for your own life instead of being at the mercy of the alcoholic in your life.
Best of luck. Hope you read and post....I find it very helpful.
"Under the Influence" is a great book describing alcoholism,too.
Alcoholism causes many of the problems you are living with;the answer lies in what you will do to help yourself now that you realize what is the problem. Those choices are yours.
Learn about alcoholism and to do things in a different way and you can take back some of your own power and peace of mind and decide things for your own life instead of being at the mercy of the alcoholic in your life.
Best of luck. Hope you read and post....I find it very helpful.
"Under the Influence" is a great book describing alcoholism,too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 29
You are not his problem and if he tells you differently then he can't face up to his own problems. Only he can fix him. No one else. If he doesn't want to face his problems, no one can make him.
I understand that your mother helped you deal with your issues. I hear stories like that all of the time. Do you think your mother had any boundaries when she helped you? Do you think there was a line you could've crossed that would have caused her to stop helping you? I helped my guy immensely when he went to rehab-all on his own. I did everything I could to make sure he didn't have to deal with the stress of reality, because that seemed to be all he complained about. I supported him 100% and then some. That didn't help and may very well have caused further issues for him and our relationship. Hindsight. I had mentioned Al-Anon then and he thought I was crazy and that I didn't need it. We learn from our mistakes. Or else we repeat them. These days I'm here if he wants to talk about it. I offer encouragement and give my opinion when asked. I let him do it his way. I've noticed he doesn't like to be questioned about it, so I don't anymore. Sometimes I offer some insight, and he seems to really take to that. He has to learn to stand on his own and deal with reality on his own. Only he can do that.
You are responsible for you. Stop dwelling on his issues. Work on you. Get yourself to a meeting.
I understand that you love him. But I haven't seen you express one positive thing about him in any of your posts. Make a list of his good points and his bad points. See what you come up with. Does he bring anything good to your life?
My guy tried at times to tell me things didn't happen that I know very well did happen. That ploy has never worked on me w/ anyone. I may forget things but I don't remember occurences that never happened. He stopped that immediately because I never let him get away with it. Now that he is getting worse, I see that he probably doesn't remember a lot of things and that must be hard to face up to. I've seen people w/ brain tumors and early alzheimers go through the same things and react the same way. Though sometimes I recognize that he uses that as a tool as well. So I just deal with my reality and detach from that-it is his issue, not mine. It is also one that I have to make a decision about soon.
I understand that your mother helped you deal with your issues. I hear stories like that all of the time. Do you think your mother had any boundaries when she helped you? Do you think there was a line you could've crossed that would have caused her to stop helping you? I helped my guy immensely when he went to rehab-all on his own. I did everything I could to make sure he didn't have to deal with the stress of reality, because that seemed to be all he complained about. I supported him 100% and then some. That didn't help and may very well have caused further issues for him and our relationship. Hindsight. I had mentioned Al-Anon then and he thought I was crazy and that I didn't need it. We learn from our mistakes. Or else we repeat them. These days I'm here if he wants to talk about it. I offer encouragement and give my opinion when asked. I let him do it his way. I've noticed he doesn't like to be questioned about it, so I don't anymore. Sometimes I offer some insight, and he seems to really take to that. He has to learn to stand on his own and deal with reality on his own. Only he can do that.
You are responsible for you. Stop dwelling on his issues. Work on you. Get yourself to a meeting.
I understand that you love him. But I haven't seen you express one positive thing about him in any of your posts. Make a list of his good points and his bad points. See what you come up with. Does he bring anything good to your life?
My guy tried at times to tell me things didn't happen that I know very well did happen. That ploy has never worked on me w/ anyone. I may forget things but I don't remember occurences that never happened. He stopped that immediately because I never let him get away with it. Now that he is getting worse, I see that he probably doesn't remember a lot of things and that must be hard to face up to. I've seen people w/ brain tumors and early alzheimers go through the same things and react the same way. Though sometimes I recognize that he uses that as a tool as well. So I just deal with my reality and detach from that-it is his issue, not mine. It is also one that I have to make a decision about soon.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
girl....living within the effects of alcoholism and abuse just about killed me. i am 54 years old, raised 4 children, divorced, and lived a fairly decent life. then i met my ex. i married him two different times. i was addicted to him like nothing i had ever experienced. my life turned upside down. i lost my health, my spirituality, and just about lost my life.
i went to the store one day, and ended up 60 miles from home....didn't know how i had got there, nor what i was doing. i looked at the dashboard of my car and it was totally foreign to me....i didn't know where the lights were, the radio....nothing.....like i had never seen it before. i was having heart palpatations so bad, i thought i was having a heart attack.
it took a long, hard road with alcoholism and abuse to get me there. i knew i had to get help or i would die.
i went to al-anon then, angry, confused, scared, bitter, broken.....nothing i said about my life made any sense to me....how would i ever begin telling strangers what was going on with my life?????
these people wrapped themselves around me and loved me right up outta my pits of hell. i was so embarrassed and ashamed to let people know what was going on in my life.....and angry about it too. they helped me sort it all out, and they were, and still are, a huge safety net for me to fall into.
it was strange to me too, and it was hard to grasp too.....but i finally got to the place of live or die. i wanted to live.
i hope this helps you in some way.
i went to the store one day, and ended up 60 miles from home....didn't know how i had got there, nor what i was doing. i looked at the dashboard of my car and it was totally foreign to me....i didn't know where the lights were, the radio....nothing.....like i had never seen it before. i was having heart palpatations so bad, i thought i was having a heart attack.
it took a long, hard road with alcoholism and abuse to get me there. i knew i had to get help or i would die.
i went to al-anon then, angry, confused, scared, bitter, broken.....nothing i said about my life made any sense to me....how would i ever begin telling strangers what was going on with my life?????
these people wrapped themselves around me and loved me right up outta my pits of hell. i was so embarrassed and ashamed to let people know what was going on in my life.....and angry about it too. they helped me sort it all out, and they were, and still are, a huge safety net for me to fall into.
it was strange to me too, and it was hard to grasp too.....but i finally got to the place of live or die. i wanted to live.
i hope this helps you in some way.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Boston, Massachusetts
Posts: 17
I have the same problem that you have. The thing is, my husband has convinced me many times that's it's my problem. I have a problem with his drinking and the way he treats me, but he's doing nothing wrong, and if he does, it's because I drove him to do it. And it doesn't help that he's not a jerk 24/7.
I'm learning that it's a self-esteem issue, for me at least, because I've been verbally abused and made to feel like my reality wasn't real..that my feelings were always a female over-reaction (especially being pregnant, I doubt my own feelings and wonder if they're hormone induced). I'm slipping into a depression and I've tried so hard to change myself to be a better wife to him when all I've done is make it easier for him to manipulate me.
I'm learning that it's a self-esteem issue, for me at least, because I've been verbally abused and made to feel like my reality wasn't real..that my feelings were always a female over-reaction (especially being pregnant, I doubt my own feelings and wonder if they're hormone induced). I'm slipping into a depression and I've tried so hard to change myself to be a better wife to him when all I've done is make it easier for him to manipulate me.
I can't save you
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Cookville, TN
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by tracy1963
You are not his problem and if he tells you differently then he can't face up to his own problems. Only he can fix him. No one else. If he doesn't want to face his problems, no one can make him.
Originally Posted by tracy1963
I understand that your mother helped you deal with your issues. I hear stories like that all of the time. Do you think your mother had any boundaries when she helped you? Do you think there was a line you could've crossed that would have caused her to stop helping you?
Originally Posted by tracy1963
I helped my guy immensely when he went to rehab-all on his own. I did everything I could to make sure he didn't have to deal with the stress of reality, because that seemed to be all he complained about. I supported him 100% and then some. That didn't help and may very well have caused further issues for him and our relationship. Hindsight. I had mentioned Al-Anon then and he thought I was crazy and that I didn't need it. We learn from our mistakes. Or else we repeat them. These days I'm here if he wants to talk about it. I offer encouragement and give my opinion when asked. I let him do it his way. I've noticed he doesn't like to be questioned about it, so I don't anymore. Sometimes I offer some insight, and he seems to really take to that. He has to learn to stand on his own and deal with reality on his own. Only he can do that.
I offer in insite, and he listens well. I just don't think he realizes how serious his problem is. he always tries to make it seem not so severe. When in reality, if someone blacks out from drinking and wakes up with a knife to thier chest after carving in themselves. It's pretty serious.
Originally Posted by tracy1963
You are responsible for you. Stop dwelling on his issues. Work on you. Get yourself to a meeting.
I understand that you love him. But I haven't seen you express one positive thing about him in any of your posts. Make a list of his good points and his bad points. See what you come up with. Does he bring anything good to your life?
I understand that you love him. But I haven't seen you express one positive thing about him in any of your posts. Make a list of his good points and his bad points. See what you come up with. Does he bring anything good to your life?
Originally Posted by tracy1963
My guy tried at times to tell me things didn't happen that I know very well did happen. That ploy has never worked on me w/ anyone. I may forget things but I don't remember occurences that never happened. He stopped that immediately because I never let him get away with it. Now that he is getting worse, I see that he probably doesn't remember a lot of things and that must be hard to face up to. I've seen people w/ brain tumors and early alzheimers go through the same things and react the same way. Though sometimes I recognize that he uses that as a tool as well. So I just deal with my reality and detach from that-it is his issue, not mine. It is also one that I have to make a decision about soon.
But when he really doesn't remember and I confront him about it, sometimes he feels so guilty i exspect him to take his own life... another reason i worry about him all the time. He is very suicidal. ((hense why he has no problem drinking himself to death or ODing. By the time he was 12 he had already ODed on acid and coke, he really should be dead))
I can't save you
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Cookville, TN
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by embraced2000
girl....living within the effects of alcoholism and abuse just about killed me. i am 54 years old, raised 4 children, divorced, and lived a fairly decent life. then i met my ex. i married him two different times. i was addicted to him like nothing i had ever experienced. my life turned upside down. i lost my health, my spirituality, and just about lost my life.
Originally Posted by embraced2000
i went to the store one day, and ended up 60 miles from home....didn't know how i had got there, nor what i was doing. i looked at the dashboard of my car and it was totally foreign to me....i didn't know where the lights were, the radio....nothing.....like i had never seen it before. i was having heart palpatations so bad, i thought i was having a heart attack.
it took a long, hard road with alcoholism and abuse to get me there. i knew i had to get help or i would die.
it took a long, hard road with alcoholism and abuse to get me there. i knew i had to get help or i would die.
Originally Posted by embraced2000
i went to al-anon then, angry, confused, scared, bitter, broken.....nothing i said about my life made any sense to me....how would i ever begin telling strangers what was going on with my life?????
these people wrapped themselves around me and loved me right up outta my pits of hell. i was so embarrassed and ashamed to let people know what was going on in my life.....and angry about it too. they helped me sort it all out, and they were, and still are, a huge safety net for me to fall into.
these people wrapped themselves around me and loved me right up outta my pits of hell. i was so embarrassed and ashamed to let people know what was going on in my life.....and angry about it too. they helped me sort it all out, and they were, and still are, a huge safety net for me to fall into.
If i can find a meeting this weekend, if they meet weekends, i am going to go. But i am going to make my mom go with me. Every situation i am in and battling she has battled as well, but probally 1000x worse than me.
Originally Posted by embraced2000
it was strange to me too, and it was hard to grasp too.....but i finally got to the place of live or die. i wanted to live.
i hope this helps you in some way.
i hope this helps you in some way.
Before i met this man i was sooooo numb to everything. I never felt a thing, i cut instead, && that never even hurt. Then i met him, and he taught me how to cry. I'll always love him for that.
I can't save you
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Cookville, TN
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by indoldrums
I have the same problem that you have. The thing is, my husband has convinced me many times that's it's my problem. I have a problem with his drinking and the way he treats me, but he's doing nothing wrong, and if he does, it's because I drove him to do it. And it doesn't help that he's not a jerk 24/7.
Originally Posted by indoldrums
I'm learning that it's a self-esteem issue, for me at least, because I've been verbally abused and made to feel like my reality wasn't real..that my feelings were always a female over-reaction (especially being pregnant, I doubt my own feelings and wonder if they're hormone induced). I'm slipping into a depression and I've tried so hard to change myself to be a better wife to him when all I've done is make it easier for him to manipulate me.
You sound exsactlyyyyy like me!!!!! even the pregnancy part...&& Accourding to him PMSing makes me completely insane and i over react to everything he has ever done ((it's never him, it's always me. If he does something wrong it's because I made him. and sometimes, even now i reallyy believe him. Cause i am not an easy personto deal with)). One time i was pregnant, and he hit me in the stomache to get rid of it, the fact i was bulimic probally had a lot to do with losing it too (i tried hard to stop, but didn't know how), but he told me that i told him to do that. And for the longest time i believed him that it was my fault he did that... but when i really think back on it i never said that to him.
I am not sure how a man got soo inside my head that he can completely change my sense of reality. It's kind of scarey.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 29
[QUOTE=GirlInterrupted;1161712]I just feel like I became his problem by trying to help. Because he tells me i tooke the only thing he had away (drugs), well he use to, we don't talk much anymore. I keep killing my mind trying to imagine the things I would have done differently. I know it's pointless though.
You did not take anything away from him. If he really wanted drugs, you know darned well he'd get some, regardless of you. The past is the past.
[QUOTE=GirlInterrupted;1161712]So in other words...by obsessing over his problems i am not only hurting me but i am hurting the chances he has of healing himself?
[QUOTE=GirlInterrupted;1161712]I offer in insite, and he listens well. I just don't think he realizes how serious his problem is. he always tries to make it seem not so severe. When in reality, if someone blacks out from drinking and wakes up with a knife to thier chest after carving in themselves. It's pretty serious.
There is a difference in listening well and becoming excited and taking it upon one's self to learn more. My guy loves hearing the different perspectives I come across, and passes it on to others in the program. If he doesn't see it, he doesn't see it. He may not be ready to face it. That is his issue, not yours.
I never used to believe he didn't remember either. I can tell when he honestly can't, and it is very different. I almost wish he were pretending. Yes, they can use that so they don't have to face themselves. I'm still learning about that and how to handle it.
Mine uses the suicide ploy too. I used to play into it, though I never believed he would actually do it. Finally I told him if he is serious, I am going to call 911 and get him some help. He never did that again around me. He doesn't want to die.
He knows that you think you are crazy and that you question your own sanity? And he uses that to manipulate you?
First, if you really think those things about yourself, you need to get treatment of some kind. You definitely need to work on yourself before dealing with him any further. He is not helping you any.
*I couldn't figure out how to multi-quote, my post is in bold.
You did not take anything away from him. If he really wanted drugs, you know darned well he'd get some, regardless of you. The past is the past.
[QUOTE=GirlInterrupted;1161712]So in other words...by obsessing over his problems i am not only hurting me but i am hurting the chances he has of healing himself?
[QUOTE=GirlInterrupted;1161712]I offer in insite, and he listens well. I just don't think he realizes how serious his problem is. he always tries to make it seem not so severe. When in reality, if someone blacks out from drinking and wakes up with a knife to thier chest after carving in themselves. It's pretty serious.
There is a difference in listening well and becoming excited and taking it upon one's self to learn more. My guy loves hearing the different perspectives I come across, and passes it on to others in the program. If he doesn't see it, he doesn't see it. He may not be ready to face it. That is his issue, not yours.
Originally Posted by GirlInterrupted
Sometimes i am not sure if he doesn't accually remember or if he is using his mental issues and acoholism to get sympathy from me. He knows I think I am crazy, and that at times I question my own sanity. I think thats why he has no problem telling me I am imagining things, because he knows i tell myself I am all the time.
But when he really doesn't remember and I confront him about it, sometimes he feels so guilty i exspect him to take his own life... another reason i worry about him all the time. He is very suicidal. ((hense why he has no problem drinking himself to death or ODing. By the time he was 12 he had already ODed on acid and coke, he really should be dead))
But when he really doesn't remember and I confront him about it, sometimes he feels so guilty i exspect him to take his own life... another reason i worry about him all the time. He is very suicidal. ((hense why he has no problem drinking himself to death or ODing. By the time he was 12 he had already ODed on acid and coke, he really should be dead))
Mine uses the suicide ploy too. I used to play into it, though I never believed he would actually do it. Finally I told him if he is serious, I am going to call 911 and get him some help. He never did that again around me. He doesn't want to die.
He knows that you think you are crazy and that you question your own sanity? And he uses that to manipulate you?
First, if you really think those things about yourself, you need to get treatment of some kind. You definitely need to work on yourself before dealing with him any further. He is not helping you any.
*I couldn't figure out how to multi-quote, my post is in bold.
Last edited by tracy1963; 01-04-2007 at 09:34 PM. Reason: multi quote prob
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 2,384
GirlInterrupted,
Your problem does have the best of you. You are either delusional and can't see it or you know it and won't admit it. Are you you going to let it grind on you until you have no choice but to give up say "I can't do it" and "I need some help?"
Like I said, you think too much. That's gonna drive you over the edge. But maybe that is what its going to take to get you to the point of surrender. I hope not, but more than likely that is what will have to happen. I have an AA friend that says "if you think you can do the job yourself, God help you, because we can't."
Good Luck,
Jim
Your problem does have the best of you. You are either delusional and can't see it or you know it and won't admit it. Are you you going to let it grind on you until you have no choice but to give up say "I can't do it" and "I need some help?"
Like I said, you think too much. That's gonna drive you over the edge. But maybe that is what its going to take to get you to the point of surrender. I hope not, but more than likely that is what will have to happen. I have an AA friend that says "if you think you can do the job yourself, God help you, because we can't."
Good Luck,
Jim
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Okay, let's try this one more time, taking it from the top. You have preconceived notions about what people will think of you or how they will react to you at an Al-Anon meeting. You have never been to such a get-together. It sounds as if you are making excuses for not going, because I've been going to Al-Anon meetings for ten years and I have yet to hear anybody make a comment to anyone that they are nuts, sick, looney, or whatever. However, I have met compassionate people who really cared about what was going on in MY LIFE, not the life of the alcoholic. That's a matter for an AA meeting.
As I said originally, you are obsessing. YOU ARE OBSESSING. You do not know who you are as a living, breathing human being separate from this addict. I think some folks have given you some constructive suggestions that could help you to separate yourself from this man and find out who you are, what you want, what you need, your real identity, etc. You have every right to take it or leave it. BUT YOU ARE OBSESSING. Continue to obsess and drive yourself right into a mental breakdown or do something about it for the sake of your own sanity.
As I said originally, you are obsessing. YOU ARE OBSESSING. You do not know who you are as a living, breathing human being separate from this addict. I think some folks have given you some constructive suggestions that could help you to separate yourself from this man and find out who you are, what you want, what you need, your real identity, etc. You have every right to take it or leave it. BUT YOU ARE OBSESSING. Continue to obsess and drive yourself right into a mental breakdown or do something about it for the sake of your own sanity.
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