tell me if I'm unreasonalbe
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Originally Posted by prodigal 
If you feel it's unfortunate the way you operate, why not change it rather than just throw up your hands and say nothing can be done. If the therapy isn't working, find another therapist. If meds aren't working, find another psychiatrist who can try different meds. I have a cousin we had to officially commit to a mental institution because he is paranoid-schizophrenic. It took about five years, but with the RIGHT therapy and the RIGHT meds, today he is able to drive his own car and maintain his own apartment. He is on permanent disability, but I've seen a catatonic man become relatively alive once again.
So the way you see it is he puts up with you because you tolerated his "hellish behavior" and pulled him through a bout with alcohol poisoning. Was he hospitalized during that event at any time? It sounds like a somewhat dangerous undertaking for one person to handle, given that people have been known to die from such a disorder, go into seizures, injure themselves, hallucinate, etc.
Maybe you need to sit back and decide what is best for you right now. It sounds as if you are reacting. Perhaps someone else could help you with this. I find it hard to believe that there is nobody in the medical and/or therapeutic professions who couldn't help you get better results.
So the way you see it is he puts up with you because you tolerated his "hellish behavior" and pulled him through a bout with alcohol poisoning. Was he hospitalized during that event at any time? It sounds like a somewhat dangerous undertaking for one person to handle, given that people have been known to die from such a disorder, go into seizures, injure themselves, hallucinate, etc.
Maybe you need to sit back and decide what is best for you right now. It sounds as if you are reacting. Perhaps someone else could help you with this. I find it hard to believe that there is nobody in the medical and/or therapeutic professions who couldn't help you get better results.
I have been looking into a different kind of therapy. Its specifically designed for people with BPD and I can't think of the name right now. Only problem is I don't have insurance so its a double edged sword.
He mostly slept through his alcohol poisoning/near alcohol poisoning. He was not hospitalized but I sent him to see my psychiatrist as soon as he was somewhat functional then two weeks later he went to sea. He does need meds to help him with his anxiety and depression and he needs therapy.
I haven't totally given up on therapy. I've had years of it and even did a 2 year Master program in Marriage and family therapy (No, I am not trying to be his therapist and wouldn't attempt to other than be a friend).
susan
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Does he acknowledge he needs medication for his anxiety and depression or is he in denial about that? Alcohol is a depressant and, unfortunately, lots of alcoholics exacerbate their depression by drinking to alleviate it. We know it does nothing of the sort, but merely keeps them stuck on the denial-depression merry-go-round.
Is he willing to give therapy and meds a try? You are aware he needs this help, but if he isn't willing to address it himself and do something about it I'm afraid there's nothing you can do. I hope he will consider getting help.
Is he willing to give therapy and meds a try? You are aware he needs this help, but if he isn't willing to address it himself and do something about it I'm afraid there's nothing you can do. I hope he will consider getting help.
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Originally Posted by prodigal
Does he acknowledge he needs medication for his anxiety and depression or is he in denial about that? Alcohol is a depressant and, unfortunately, lots of alcoholics exacerbate their depression by drinking to alleviate it. We know it does nothing of the sort, but merely keeps them stuck on the denial-depression merry-go-round.
Is he willing to give therapy and meds a try? You are aware he needs this help, but if he isn't willing to address it himself and do something about it I'm afraid there's nothing you can do. I hope he will consider getting help.
Is he willing to give therapy and meds a try? You are aware he needs this help, but if he isn't willing to address it himself and do something about it I'm afraid there's nothing you can do. I hope he will consider getting help.
damn, I had a response typed out and hit the wrong key. I hate it when that happens...LOL
I think he is in a denial mode right now based on what I am hearing. I'm also hearing a lot of grandiosity from him when he says stuff like, "he's making a big comeback" and blah blah blah. What I see from him is he's running away from his issues and I believe he shows signs of being bipolar and Borderline.
He is therapied out. He's been through a lot of therapy but I don't think he got anything out of it because he was bullsh****** way through. How do I know this? My own experience. It took me two years with my first therapy session to reach my epiphany so yeah, I bs'd too.
I do believe he needs medication for anxiety I'm seeing and to help him sleep. Alcohol made him sleeep and probably helped him cope with his anxieties in general. Now he has no coping skills and I can see its taking a toll on him. that's why he had to go sea to find peace.
He does need therapy. He does have a lot of issues. A lot of issues with therapy in general (his dad was a clinical psychologist and an A******)
and has not let them go.
This has really helped me calm down and occupy my thoughts. thanks to everyone for listening. i'll keep replying if there are questions.
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I don't think he's "therapied out" ...
... I just don't think he wants to undergo therapy. He's b.s.'ing the therapists so he is taking the easy way out. I live with an A that drinks because if he doesn't he has insomnia. He went 11 days w/o drinking in December, and after 11 days he slept just fine. His attitude stunk, but he slept. An avoidant personality will avoid their problems, life's problems, anyone's problems. The problem with stuffing down problems is that they don't go away. They go inward. They eat away at someone's life. Drugging and/or drinking is their idea of what "helps" to alleviate the emotional pain.
I live with an A who would rather drink himself to death than seek professional help and work a program, and this is after being in three rehab programs. He decided to choose the path of least resistance. Go to the store. Buy a couple bottles of booze. Drink them down quickly. Go off into laa-laa land and remain oblivious to reality. Works for him, in his own sick way of thinking. However, it's a no-go for me.
Have you considered just terminating this relationship? Nothing changes if nothing changes. Maybe it is time you took care of yourself and left him to his own devices. He's an adult. He has the right to choose his own coping style, dysfunctional though it may be. Once you really, truly realize that there is nothing - and I mean NOTHING - you can do to make him see the light, you'll begin to see that your life is worth saving and you're the only one who can do that.
Just my opinion, but it's was the wake-up moment for me that got me moving in a forward direction that includes a life w/o my A/H being a part of it.
I live with an A who would rather drink himself to death than seek professional help and work a program, and this is after being in three rehab programs. He decided to choose the path of least resistance. Go to the store. Buy a couple bottles of booze. Drink them down quickly. Go off into laa-laa land and remain oblivious to reality. Works for him, in his own sick way of thinking. However, it's a no-go for me.
Have you considered just terminating this relationship? Nothing changes if nothing changes. Maybe it is time you took care of yourself and left him to his own devices. He's an adult. He has the right to choose his own coping style, dysfunctional though it may be. Once you really, truly realize that there is nothing - and I mean NOTHING - you can do to make him see the light, you'll begin to see that your life is worth saving and you're the only one who can do that.
Just my opinion, but it's was the wake-up moment for me that got me moving in a forward direction that includes a life w/o my A/H being a part of it.
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Originally Posted by prodigal
... I just don't think he wants to undergo therapy. He's b.s.'ing the therapists so he is taking the easy way out. I live with an A that drinks because if he doesn't he has insomnia. He went 11 days w/o drinking in December, and after 11 days he slept just fine. His attitude stunk, but he slept. An avoidant personality will avoid their problems, life's problems, anyone's problems. The problem with stuffing down problems is that they don't go away. They go inward. They eat away at someone's life. Drugging and/or drinking is their idea of what "helps" to alleviate the emotional pain.
I live with an A who would rather drink himself to death than seek professional help and work a program, and this is after being in three rehab programs. He decided to choose the path of least resistance. Go to the store. Buy a couple bottles of booze. Drink them down quickly. Go off into laa-laa land and remain oblivious to reality. Works for him, in his own sick way of thinking. However, it's a no-go for me.
Have you considered just terminating this relationship? Nothing changes if nothing changes. Maybe it is time you took care of yourself and left him to his own devices. He's an adult. He has the right to choose his own coping style, dysfunctional though it may be. Once you really, truly realize that there is nothing - and I mean NOTHING - you can do to make him see the light, you'll begin to see that your life is worth saving and you're the only one who can do that.
Just my opinion, but it's was the wake-up moment for me that got me moving in a forward direction that includes a life w/o my A/H being a part of it.
I live with an A who would rather drink himself to death than seek professional help and work a program, and this is after being in three rehab programs. He decided to choose the path of least resistance. Go to the store. Buy a couple bottles of booze. Drink them down quickly. Go off into laa-laa land and remain oblivious to reality. Works for him, in his own sick way of thinking. However, it's a no-go for me.
Have you considered just terminating this relationship? Nothing changes if nothing changes. Maybe it is time you took care of yourself and left him to his own devices. He's an adult. He has the right to choose his own coping style, dysfunctional though it may be. Once you really, truly realize that there is nothing - and I mean NOTHING - you can do to make him see the light, you'll begin to see that your life is worth saving and you're the only one who can do that.
Just my opinion, but it's was the wake-up moment for me that got me moving in a forward direction that includes a life w/o my A/H being a part of it.
very good points....
Yes, I do not think he wants to undego therapy for whatever reasons probably because of the denial factor and I know I can't make him go and won't even try. I have enough problems of my own without worrying about him.
Right now we are friends while to everyone else he calls me his girlfriend. From day to day I never know what we are and I'm kind of grateful he has no sex drive otherwise it would play on my irrational side like how it drove me to post the original entry.
He is was and sometimes is an a******. When he was drunk he was a nice likeable guy but when it wore off he was mean as heck. I learned to not take that personally and knew it was not a reflection of me. He does sleep fine for the most part but then there are times when he's up at nights and he can't sleep.
Terminating the relationship? If he ever asked me to marry him I don't think I would because I can't depend on him. He could change his mind tomorrow about what we are and godforbid if we ever have kids he'd be an abscent father just like his dad. I could raise the child alone but its important to havae both. I've made no decisions right now other than to see how things go and go in with my eyes wide open.
I'm protecting myself and protecting my heart from being ripped out and not moving too quickly. We all have problems and I would hate to give up so easily when if anything I can be a "sober" friend to him.
after all...doesn't the old saying go, "A friend in need is a friend indeed"?
I also like the old trekkie addage, "The needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many."
depending on how u look at things. I will continue to work and improve myself because I think we can all use work and we're not perfect by no means.
take care.
Royalty
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 366
I am glad he is home safely.
Next time, you can come here and post again, because I think it was good to keep your mind from worrying. I think that's all it was, worry. I don't know how some do it, with their spouses in iraq and such.
Also, tell him next time, HolyQow said to call you so you won't worry so much :P
Next time, you can come here and post again, because I think it was good to keep your mind from worrying. I think that's all it was, worry. I don't know how some do it, with their spouses in iraq and such.
Also, tell him next time, HolyQow said to call you so you won't worry so much :P
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