ah not doing well, what am I suppose to do?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 70
ah not doing well, what am I suppose to do?
Gosh, I feel so scitzoide. One minute I'm doing fine, the next......
I really went into my own head the last few days, thinking the worst. Worried as to whether AH is still alive. Picturing him and the pets all dead in the house (yup, my imaginations definately went there). I prayed this morning and asked God to let me know if anything was wrong and needed some sort of intervention. Otherwise, I would just let it go and try and trust that God was taking care of AH, and that AH was still taking care of the pets.
After that, I got a message from my neighbor this morning. She said AH was not doing well and "everyone" was concerned. She was concerned that it appears he is not eating, he is very incoherant and disoriented, and the dogs are wandering around outside. AH told the neighbors that he had no money to buy food and that he had run out of his anti-depresant.
God, I don't know what to do. The news put me in another tizzey. What am I suppose to do? The good news is that he is still alive. Also, I probably shouldn't have, but I did take a look at the bank account. He still has some money there. I saw where he is still buying cigs and all his meds......
Its hard to separate manipulation from fact with him. I went ahead and tried to put a request in with Adult Protective Services to see if anyone from the state can go in and do an assessment of AH. Maybe serve a mental health warrant on him.
I'm buying time until the divorce hearing on 1/22. That seems like eons away. I don't know what kind of "help" AH needs. I'm scared of what might happen in the meantime. I don't want to get in the way of his bottom, that is what I've always done. I've got to let him hit bottom, but how far do I allow things to go?
I'm a really quiet person to talk to, but when it comes to writing, I tend to go on and on. Am going a little crazy at the moment. Appreciate any insight. I know we try and not give advise, but God I could sure use some!
love to all who have been and are affected by this disease.
I really went into my own head the last few days, thinking the worst. Worried as to whether AH is still alive. Picturing him and the pets all dead in the house (yup, my imaginations definately went there). I prayed this morning and asked God to let me know if anything was wrong and needed some sort of intervention. Otherwise, I would just let it go and try and trust that God was taking care of AH, and that AH was still taking care of the pets.
After that, I got a message from my neighbor this morning. She said AH was not doing well and "everyone" was concerned. She was concerned that it appears he is not eating, he is very incoherant and disoriented, and the dogs are wandering around outside. AH told the neighbors that he had no money to buy food and that he had run out of his anti-depresant.
God, I don't know what to do. The news put me in another tizzey. What am I suppose to do? The good news is that he is still alive. Also, I probably shouldn't have, but I did take a look at the bank account. He still has some money there. I saw where he is still buying cigs and all his meds......
Its hard to separate manipulation from fact with him. I went ahead and tried to put a request in with Adult Protective Services to see if anyone from the state can go in and do an assessment of AH. Maybe serve a mental health warrant on him.
I'm buying time until the divorce hearing on 1/22. That seems like eons away. I don't know what kind of "help" AH needs. I'm scared of what might happen in the meantime. I don't want to get in the way of his bottom, that is what I've always done. I've got to let him hit bottom, but how far do I allow things to go?
I'm a really quiet person to talk to, but when it comes to writing, I tend to go on and on. Am going a little crazy at the moment. Appreciate any insight. I know we try and not give advise, but God I could sure use some!
love to all who have been and are affected by this disease.
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
Lizzy, he's a grown man who has decided to go down the drain and there's nothing you can do about it. Only he can decide if and when he's had enough of such an awful life.
I understand where you're coming from tho. My ex-ah is in better shape than that but he has no idea how to handle money and is bouncing checks all over the place. He's ruined his credit. Again, he's a grown man who has decided not to bother to learn how to balance his budget and there's nothing I can do about it.
You and me - we should take care of ourselves.
I understand where you're coming from tho. My ex-ah is in better shape than that but he has no idea how to handle money and is bouncing checks all over the place. He's ruined his credit. Again, he's a grown man who has decided not to bother to learn how to balance his budget and there's nothing I can do about it.
You and me - we should take care of ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Lizzy, only you can decide what is right for you to do. Calling APS seemed right for you. Seems you settled your mind by checking the bank account - proof he does have some cash to take care of himself.
I know it's hard. I'm sorry you're going through it. (((())))
I know it's hard. I'm sorry you're going through it. (((())))
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
This is the part of recovery that drive me the most crazy, detaching and letting it go... I suck at it, but I keep trying and getting better.
I have to keep reminding myself Im not God, if it is not taking care of myself it is not my job to take care of another adult... I repeat to myself that I am not showing that person the respect of allowing him to live his life... if Im "fixing" things then Im telling him that I dont think he can. He may not be living the way "I" think he should.... but who am I to tell another adult how to live their life?
I feel for you hon.... deep breaths and keep praying, try the senerity prayer... I like that one cuz it covers everything.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Maybe in addition to calling Adult Protective Services, you could also call the Humane Society, explain the situation, and tell them you're also concerned about his pets. They will check out the situation and remove them, if need be, and rehome them.
Your husband is free to choose whether he lives or dies, but the pets don't get a choice in the matter. Please call the Humane Society, too.
Your husband is free to choose whether he lives or dies, but the pets don't get a choice in the matter. Please call the Humane Society, too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 70
Thank you all so much for your words. Each of you wrote what I needed to hear in this moment, and the reminder that I need to allow him his own dignity for making his own choices with his life. I am weaning myself off of taking care of him....
FD, you're right, I had thought of calling the Humane Society and placing the pets in foster care until I can get back into the house. Your words are a reminder to me for me to follow through on that action. For some reason I have been scared to - I guess for fear I will lose track of these precious critters, and now at least I know where they are at. They are so precious; I've got to take steps to making sure they are okay.
FD, you're right, I had thought of calling the Humane Society and placing the pets in foster care until I can get back into the house. Your words are a reminder to me for me to follow through on that action. For some reason I have been scared to - I guess for fear I will lose track of these precious critters, and now at least I know where they are at. They are so precious; I've got to take steps to making sure they are okay.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Bronx, NY
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by LizzyP 
I prayed this morning and asked God to let me know if anything was wrong and needed some sort of intervention. Otherwise, I would just let it go and try and trust that God was taking care of AH, and that AH was still taking care of the pets.
After that, I got a message from my neighbor this morning.
After that, I got a message from my neighbor this morning.
I've got to let him hit bottom, but how far do I allow things to go?
Perhaps he was just hoping this news would make its way back to you, and you'd save the day again. Sigh... Hugs and prayers to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 70
what the *(&*&^? he called
Talk about alkie radar.....I was on the phone with my sponsor and he called and left message. Talk about a roller coaster ride.
He was very sober on the voice message. He said he had gotten some perspective, and I was right about a few things (what the *&^^%$?) He's going to an AA meeting tonight.
He's sober and I called APS on him. Oh, well. God You are in control, I'm NOT! God, may your will be done, NOT mine. I have NO clue on this one.....
He was very sober on the voice message. He said he had gotten some perspective, and I was right about a few things (what the *&^^%$?) He's going to an AA meeting tonight.
He's sober and I called APS on him. Oh, well. God You are in control, I'm NOT! God, may your will be done, NOT mine. I have NO clue on this one.....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I think the phone call from the neighbors is a sign from God. The animals are suffering. If he doesn't have money for food for himself, the dogs aren't eating. Please go get them or have someone else pick them up. Why hasn't one of the concerned neighbors called 911 or APS? I hope you will, he is not in a condition to act in his own best interest.
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