dogandbooklover

Well, as everyone can imagine detox with my AH did not go as planned. I had tried not to get my hopes up, but I know that I did. I am disappointed, but also still a little hopeful. His drinking is drastically reduced, which doesn't really mean anything, but all I can wish for is that it's a start. He still insists he plans to quit drinking altogether, but he's got to have a drink when he starts to get anxious or starts getting the shakes. He can't really face anyone when he is completely overwhelmed. I've pointed out that if he plans to quit drinking altogether then he'll have to deal with people without alcohol to 'take the edge off'. He says he knows, but we'll see for sure what happens.

Now, as for having a bad night. Well, I'm having a BAD night! ;-) My husband will be leaving Wednesday (which also happens to be my birthday) morning for job training in another state. It's kind of a complicated situation, but he'll be going to school and starting a new job in the other state. Eventually, he'll be coming home for good, but for the next several months he'll be away and only coming home every other weekend. Neither of us like this situation, but it's one of those things you sometimes have to do. We talked about me going with him, but it's not really feasible. I need to stay here and take care of the house and animals. Though I may go out for the summer months. (We've got an RV) Anyway, moving on. The bad night part is because I am dealing with those AH mood swings. And these are different mood swings. They aren't the normal ones from after a binge or bout of heavy drinking. These are more from the fact that he's not drinking as much. I knew this would happen, but when it actually does happen it doesn't hurt any less. Know what I mean? Tonight he had been himself. Sweet and affectionate, like usual. Had a glass or two of wine. (We had dinner at my parents house for my birthday and our anniversay which happens to be this Friday.) Everything was fine. We came home and got into a discussion about a friend. He said something and I didn't agree with him. Okay, fine, end of discussion. No fight or argument, just conversation over. Then a bit later I ask him a question about the clothes I am packing for him. He just had a damn fit! He gets angry about a simple question because earlier I hadn't agreed with him regarding the comment about our friend. At least that seemed to be the gist of his rant. It's all so ridiculous! But, at the same time upsetting and frustrating. I understand about withdrawal symptoms and moodiness and the like, but GEEZ! sometimes I just want to scream!

We are both not looking forward to our living situation for the next few months so we're emotional about that. I don't want him to leave (I know he threw a fit tonight, but things aren't normally that dramatic with us), he doesn't want to leave. It has to be done though. It's just one of those things. I am hoping and praying that maybe him being away from the day to day stresses at home will help in his quest to quit drinking completely. I know all those stresses will still be around if/when he stops drinking, but (I'm hoping he'll then be better equipped to deal with them.

Okay, thanks for 'listening'. I suppose this was just a little venting session. It's nice to have someone to vent to! ;-)

laurie6781

hey DandB Lover it's good that you feel comfortable enough to vent here!!!! Have at it!!!!

I do have a question though......why were you "packing his bag?" He's a big boy, let him pack his own bag, then if he forgets something or needs something while in the other town it's "not your fault that it's not there."

As you say he is cutting back on the amount he is drinking, he's not only anxious and out of sorts because of that, he is also stressing over the new job, the training involved, and being away from home.

While he is gone would be the perfect time for you to check out some Al-anon meetings, and read all the "sticky's" at the top of this forum. You are living with, married to an alcohlic and living with alcoholism...........anything can happen. Al-anon will help you to set your own boundaries not only on his drinking around you but his behaviour toward you.

Please keep posting and venting if needed and let us know how you are doing, we do care.

As you have probably noticed by now, there are many here who have either gone through what you are going through or are also going through something similiar. We do care!!!!!

Love and hugs,

mallowcup

It sounds like this move will upset your roles. It's going to be new and different. If this is something he has to do and has agreed to do, look at it as the possible mission he needs to learn and keep this new job. I guess I'm not sure why you aren't welcoming this. This situation is what it is, alcoholic or not, he's probably nervous. Make home a place he longs to come back to, not a place he wants to run away from. Being in a bad mood about it won't make it go away. Be supportive just as you would want him to be if it were you leaving home. He needs a taste of missing home, he needs some time doing something constructive, you need a break. It's all good.

HolyQow

I agree that this really doesn't have much to do with alcohol.....this is a total change for your household. (The part about picking apart something that you disagreed with him about, is typical alcohol-related).....Have you two ever been apart much? Trust is probably an issue too.....as much as I wouldn't trust my own AH away for that long, it would be him that would not trust me.....in his delusional state of mind (alone and drinking in a hotel room), he could come up with all sorts of scenerios about what I am doing...none of it true, but that's how his insecure mind runs.

Why not make out a plan with him, that covers most of the months that he will be away, that might make both of you feel more comfortable knowing when and where to be here or there.....and a cell phone with free in-network calling It can always be changed later, when he finds out more about his job responsibilities.

And Happy Anniversary too!

dogandbooklover

Laurie -

Thanks for your reply.

I know he is stressed out and nervous about the new job training and job and being away from home. Combined with the not drinking as much and all of these pressures he's actually doing quite well. Like I said, I was having a bad night! ;-)

I was doing the packing because I wanted to. I am quite particular about things and well, that type thing is most definitely my job. ;-) I'm happy to do it.

dogandbooklover

Mallow -

Like I said, I was having a bad night. I have been very supportive about the whole situation, but being supportive doesn't mean than I'm looking forward to it. I am being as supportive as humaly possible. You are right, that this is a good thing. Home is definitely a place he wants to return to and not run away from.

dogandbooklover

HQ -

Thanks for the birthday and anniversary wishes!

I do think that his outburst from the other night was caused by his change in drinking, but it was compounded with the new stresses of him being away for the next few months. We had already made out a plan regarding the months he'll be away. That was one of the first things that we did. Our cell phones are set and we are ready as we'll ever be.

At the very beginning of our relationship, back in 1990 and 1991 (God, I'm getting old!) we spent months apart at a time. I lived in FL (still in high school) and he lived in CA (where he is from). We didn't like it, but we did it and it worked out fine in the long run. AH doesn't go into jealous rages or anything like that, drinking or not. And I trust him completely in that department. Cheating, crazy jealousy, has never been an issue with us. No problems in that department!

Like I told Mallow, I am being as supportive as humanly possible, but it still doesn't mean we are particularly looking forward to our living situation for the next few months. However, I am looking at it as a good thing and a learning experience for both of us.

Thanks again!