hopeangel

I COULD USE A VACATION away from him in such a bad way -calgoon take me away - i just really wish sometimes that i had my own place that i could just get away from everything - if nothing else just to get my mind straight - you know. i have no space to think and be by myself
dh ruined new years eve he got angry just out of no where and ended up yelling and making a seen in front of my brother and the whole restaurant we were at he got up and left and didn 't even eat with us. i am still upset today. he called my mom a fat ass :fuming: i just can't handle that disrepect.
he got so angry the other day it was scary. he was actually foaming at the mouth -WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT?
what hurts is that he takes it out on me. my family and i are the enemy.
he got all upset because my brother got my other brother a sample of all different beers and my mom told me and we were concerned it might bother dh on christmas, so i decided to tell him ahead of time thinkg that he would be prepared. for some reason that i still don't understand, this really upset him that i told him. my mother and i are trying to control him and manipulate him.
also, his parents are not supportive of his recovery. they abused him badly as a child. his mom told him that i was a liar and that i was trying to control him. his dad gave him alcohol when he knew he had a problem and was two months sober. they are trying to sabotage his recovery. yet, somehow, they are the good guys to him.
well, the good is that he actually has people that call him and goes to meetings with and that he calls. so that is good.

prodigal

Recovery is difficult, and it is handled differently by each individual. I assume he has a sponsor. This does NOT sound like it would fly with his sponsor, so I wonder if (1) he has one, and (2) if he does have one, that he's not being honest about his behavior. His behavior is every bit as bad as that of an active alcoholic. Throwing a fit in a public restaurant and calling your mother a fat a** is crude and childish and simply unacceptable.

If you are at the hair-pulling stage, go stay with family or friends, if it is possible. Leave him to stew in his own broth of rage. This guy is acting like a royal horse's behind. Who needs to put up with that nonsense?

If he's foaming at the mouth, he is actually in a rage. I suggest you distance yourself before things escalate to that point. He may become physically violent. He sounds like a volcano about to explode. You shouldn't have to be around someone who is spewing molten lava all over the place!

He cannot or will not deal with what happened with his parents. If they were so abusive - and I assume you are getting his side of the story - so what? Is that supposed to give him an excuse to behave like a butthead? Going to meetings is not good if his behavior is this volatile. I question how much he's getting out of the meetings and if he's working a program.

Be kind to yourself and consider creating some distance between the two of you until he gets a reign on his waaayyyyy out-of-control temper!

sketscher

I think it would do you a world of good to get away from him for now. You don't have to divorce but just have your own space. I can imagine what it's like living with that behavior because my xabf lived with me for a bit, he was never physical but he was inappropriate to my friends and family at that time. Just the other day he went into a rage over something stupid. It was scary and I went home and was so glad to not have to wake up next to him only to face another day with his disease. It's got to be very unhealthy for you and I don't see that it benefits him in any way to have you around when he's so disrepectful.

laurie6781

The only one who can sabatoge your AH's recovery is your AH.

Remember the 3 C's:

You didn't CAUSE it,

You can't CONTROL it, and

You can't CURE it.

Maybe it's time for you to head to some Al-anon meetings and work on you and how to set "boundaries" and "mean what you say and say what you mean."

You cannot help him with this, it MUST be his CHOICE.

Keep reading the different threads here. Read the "sticky's" at the top of the list of threads. Keep sharing how you are doing, we do care.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

hopeangel

he is going to outpatient treatment and two meetings a week right now. he does have people calling him to go to meetings and people that i believe he calls himself now. he doesn't have a sponser "per say"
i really laughed at the spewing molten lava -thanks for making me smile.
life is just too short. there are so many more important things in life and it shouldn't be wasted on this anger.
i am trying to be patient with his treatment and giving him time, but if the attitude remains i must get on with my life. i am tired of putting things on hold already. i just want to make sure i give it every chance.