verbal abuse article
 

http://benefits.yourhealthconnection...opic/depverbal

Found this today. Felt good to read. It's exactly what I've been going through as a victim of verbal abuse.

Sometimes I think I let my xabf get away with it because I know he's sick. The end result is the same though for those of us who are being verbally abused.

Thanks Sketscher. Fits to a T.

Cat

Thank you, Sketscher. This article is very helpful.

Very informative. Thanks for posting.

I came to realize that mine was verbally abusive too. I never bought into something being wrong with me tho. Im afraid I treated him like a child having a temper tantrum. I let him have his way to keep the peace. I dont like noise and conflict.
Im afraid I became a little Too good at detaching.

People used to say how can you let him boss you like that. Thats because I feel that there is no point in arguing. I will listen to what you have to say but in the end Im the boss of me not you. So Im the one who gets to decide what I do. . Im sure Ive sent many a person over the deep end after theyve spent all that time instucting me and then I just go and do as I please. Being a codie it does save me a lot of noise tho. LOL. Ive been trying harder to speak up now. Been practicin on Elvis and my Outlaws lately.

Great article!

There's a great book too that touches a lot on this as well. It's by Lundy Bancroft and it's called 'Why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men'! What an in-depth eye-opener!!! It explains that verbal abuse (as if that weren't already harmful enough) 'can' lead to or 'can' be a precursor to physical abuse (although not every case leads there).

Interestingly enough it also touches on the fact that alcoholism is not the reason for abuse whether it's verbal and/or physical. Sure, alchohol lowers ones' inhibitions, but it doesn't 'cause' the abuse, because it's already an underlying issue that resides within their personality.

I second that book. It was a huge part of my education. Also helped me understand that "evil" does not necessarily lead to abuse. Abusers abuse. It's what they know. Doesn't excuse it. Explains it. And helps me understand IT ISN'T ABOUT ME.

I just got back from B&N to look for books like that. It's too hard to browse in that store, especially today. So I'm grateful for any books on this subject. I'm going to go to an online store and look for that book!

I obviously have been taking the blame. Not standing up for myself. Doormat!

I used to put up with quite a bit of wounding in my last relationship because I recognized my exAbf had been wounded and abandoned in childhood. We were both drinking all the time as I had yet to scratch the surface of our mutual alcoholism. I excused a lot of wounding due to what I perceived is as compassion and understanding. True enough..but there is no excuse to remain in any situation where verbal stones are being thrown at ya (or our relationship) and you hurt all the time.
I did the same thing with the man before that cuz his mother had died suddenly at the onset of our relationship. I continued to tolerate and not speak up about my hurts or their unacceptable behaviour and slowly started to disintegrate emotionally and spirtually. He too had addiction and intimacy problems.
Both of these men held a lot of fear and resentment against their mothers and woman in general.

I guess what I'm getting at is my own incredibly loose to non-existant boundaries. If someone is hurting you..there is something wrong..and there is absolutely no reason to excuse it...for anything.

Just my two pennies...