ladybug little

i just have to say that i love each and every one of you. i'm an alcoholic sober 8 months who has always had weight issues. i started drinking because i never felt comfortable in my "larger than acceptable" body. at least that's how i remember it. as they say, more will be revealed. i can relate to so much of what everyone's said. i managed to go from 220 to 145. i'm only 5' 1" so even at 145 i was very curvy. i realized that something was wrong with me because the cute clothes in my closet didn't look so cute once they were on my body. i remember thinking i was still to fat and my thighs still too big and i was just hopeless. i'm now back up to 180 and looking at pictures of myself then is sad. i looked just fine. i started to think i would always see an ugly monster in the mirror whether i was a size 4 or 22. i'm focusing on my recovery from alcohol right now and know that the steps can help me with my eating too. but i agree it's so hard because, yeah, we have to eat. i eat like i drank, bingeing. thank you so much for helping me not feel so alone.

bug

sketscher

I'm glad I started this thread because it has really helped me see that the WEIGHT IS NOT the issue. It's the lack of self-esteem and like you I have choosen terrible realtionships even when I thought I was as thin as I'd like to be. My happy weight to some people men and women would still be chubby but that's their issue and I need to work on my self esteem no matter what weight I am.

thx everyone.

mallowcup

I had a very rough patch very early on in my marriage that put questions marks all around my husband and another woman. I was thin but started to rapidly put on weight. Over the next three years, I gained about 25 pounds. My questions never got answered as he was in an alledged black out. This woman is still around and she is the only one who knows the truth and isn't talking. She enjoys it alot. GRRRR. Well anyway, Not long ago, I read an article that said that sometimes we gain weight on purpose to create physical insulation when we get hurt. I suppose this has many aspects, such as comfort foods, I will say, I went inward and the more that was between my core and the world, the safer I felt. I am going to start losing that extra weight. Sometimes we wear our insides on our outsides. You hear people say things like, "Oh , she's let herself go". I have always been short and petite. After my husband hurt me, I know I gained weight in some ridiculous effort to have a more significant physical presence. Now, I have to become motivated to lose the weight because I think I hold on to it in spite. When I was lean and great looking, he was off in a bar with a scag drinking. He doesn't deserve a hottie wife. That's the part of me I'm working on. I love him, but I don't owe him anything. More and more of my life is about me. I really think I put the weight on because I know myself. I did NOT want men looking at me. Just what I need when I know I'm vulnerable, broken heart and ego smashed. I owe my life to potato chips.

FormerDoormat

GirlInterrupted: I can relate to so much of what you're saying here and on many different topics. But here's where we differ: You say "food is the enemy" and I say THE ENEMY LIES WITHIN--not just in reference to those of us who suffer from food addictions but also to those of us who've become codependents and are attracted to unhealthy people or stuck in unhealthy relationships.

The common thread that lies beneath all our issues is that we are our own worst enemies. It's not the weight, or the food, or our alcoholic partners that's the problem, the problem lies within ourselves.

Fixing what ails us is NOT an outside job. We're all pretty enough. We're all thin enough. We're all intelligent enough. We're all successful enough. But how many of us love ourselves? I mean really, truly love ourselves? That's why Alanon, AA, our counselors, TV shrinks, and self-help books all shout the same message at us: In order to live happy, fulfilling lives we must learn to take care of ourselves first. We must learn how to nourish our souls. We must feed our hungry hearts. How do we do that? By learning how to love ourselves. And just as Alanon suggests, if you find that hard to do initially, then fake it until you make it.

Cecilia

My smilies dont work. Hit him again for me. LOL.

ayla zaire

just wanted to say hi to all my fellow big beautiful women....and say, you are beautiful, strong women, and if and when you do decide to lose weight, do it for your health...that seems to be the best motivator...

i am 5'9 and 200 lbs...size 18...three kids...and i have a short hubby(5'3)...(now i know why he likes me bigger...lol)...

in many ways i feel better about myself now than i did when i was thin...i guess now i know when people show an interest (friendly) they get to know the real me instead of judging me by my looks...and i just made a conscious decision to 'give it up' and see my good points...the biggest problem i have is feeling out of shape and overtired...but i know when i decide get healthy, i'll be doing it for the right reasons.(to me)...but even then i don't want to weigh less than 170...i like my curves...and my little boy says i'm 'fluffy and cozy"...lol...wouldn't want to lose my cozy lap...

embrace your curves, ladies!!!

all the best for the new year...
sending fluffy cozy hugs...
ayla

DesertEyes

It's definelty the light bulbs, Jeri, definetly. I've dated a few ladies that were _way_ taller than me and it was definetly the light bulbs that did it for me. Absolutely. Yup. No doubt.

I mean, you gotta have _some_ self-confidence to go out with a lady that can look _down_ on my bald spot

Mike

best

Ok I think I have had enough. A whole thread filled with ladies telling how beautiful they are and now a few giving me such warm and loving love taps.
I better stay away from this thread for a bit. Getting to excited. *LOL*

Oh for the record... my first real girlfriend was a redhead and she was always an inch or so taller then me till highschool. I stopped growing and she is now 2 inches taller then me.
Was it her being tall or redhead or the right curves in the right place?
I think it was the curves. I had seen her about a month ago (30 year later then last time) and she doesn't have curves any more. 5'10" 119... yup it was the curves and the redhair and ...

DesertEyes

I understand completely. I recently dated a lady who is 5 full inches taller than me in her bare feetsies. She loves her 5inch heels too. Fortunately she thought my bald spot is cute

Personally, I think _all_ women are beautiful. It's the size of their heart that matters, the wrapping is irrelevant. I once met an adorable young lady who had nothing but love for all living things. From butterflies to elephants and everything in between. She had once been a super model, but had contracted a horribly cripling disease. I never noticed the mess that disease had made of her body. All I could see was the beautiful girl inside and how she lived life to the fullest in spite of the physical obstacles. Yup, I married her.

She was the best, and I told her that every day. We had nearly 20yrs of perfect happiness. Her disease got worse, way worse, and eventually she became addicted to pain pills. I don't regret a single day of our life together.

Nope, the wrapping don't matter in the slightest. All women are beautiful, and the ladies here on SoberRecovery have the biggest hearts ever.

Mike

best

So so true Mike.

So so true.

TexasGirl

Mike, you brought tears to my eyes.

missglidda

My alcoholic BF loves full figured women. I have always been, and feel that I will always be that way. He loves the curves and the chubby, so I feel like it isn't such a big deal.

However, I have noticed that when he binges, so do I. When he is really bad, I turn to weed, it calms me down and makes me hungry, which gives me another reason to eat. For some reason, rather than looking at my own destructive patterns, I look at his drinking. I attack him for them so much, but sometimes I feel that I am doing it to him because I don't know how to approach myself.

I am also a saving person. If I could make a fat lady cape and run around town saving poor souls I would, but I can't seem to save myself. Whenever I get focused on me, I find a new drama and set my energy on that. Being focued on just me is torture.

HolyQow

Well we are still talking about weight, surprise.

I bought a food scale for myself (gave it to myself from my son for xmas) and I am completely shocked. All I have to do is eat 1200 calories a day......and when I weighed my first dinner.....it was 975 calories by itself!

I am not a carb person, because my daughter has diabetes. We have counted carbs for 10 years. I don't have to look up how many carbs are in something, but I had NO IDEA how many calories......this is like starting over in kindergarten.....

I don't really have any eating disorders, I just eat till it's all gone, a "clean plater" because that's how I was raised.....not to waste anything. I blame my father every chance I get for that one! We also didn't have much money for the longest time, and I was so afraid to throw anything away....and all the "good" food, fresh vegetables and fruit, were always more expensive. I don't understand that.....canned vegetables must take alot more time/work/money to make then just throwing them on a shelf.

I bought alot of fat-free, reduced fat products at the grocery this weekend, and am a little upset that most of them have more carbs (sugar) added then the regular......this is beginning to feel like work.

GirlInterrupted

elizabeth1979:: "I didnt think I was good enough for a healthy, attractive, non addicted, man to want. I didnt have to be pretty, or in shape, or intelligent, because I was picking people that I thought needed me, bc I didnt think anyone would just want me."

Thats how I feel!! Weather I am at my lowest weight ((75lbs)) or at my current weight........... i dont want to tell you but i will anyways but PLEASE don't laugh!!! ((114lbs)) I don't feel good enough for anyone. Not even the crazy guys I date *including the one who thought he was hitler reincarrnated && thought his first born son was going to be the anti-christ*





FormerDoormat:: The common thread that lies beneath all our issues is that we are our own worst enemies. It's not the weight, or the food, or our alcoholic partners that's the problem, the problem lies within ourselves.

Fixing what ails us is NOT an outside job."

I know that..somewhat...but my ED isn't an ouside disease ((though the effects show on the outside)) i know it's based on the demons I am battling on the inside.


MIKE!!!!!!! YOUR STORY MADE ME CRY!!!!! It was touching and sad but soo sweet about you loving everyday with her.



I think I am the only short person((girl)) on this thread