GirlInterrupted

i dont believe its neccisarily overweight people who are atracted to A's or vise versa. When i met my Aex-bf I was under 100lbs && concidered underweight, && still we managed to meet.

I think the relationship has a lot to do with where a person is at emotional. I think people who need to be in control or need to hurt && abuse people ((even if they don't realise it)) are often atracted to those they CAN control or abuse. And people who feel they have no control && tend to abuse themselves are atracted to those who will hurt them.

Cecilia

Believe it or not 35 years ago I wore a size 10. Those clothes are LONG gone. When you get to be my age its not healthy to be that thin, The pretty little things Im lusting after are size 14 and size 16. Oh they tease me. I can squeeze mt patoot into quite a few if I do the rubber band trick and wear my shirt on the outside. I miss tucking in and wearing a belt. "SIGH"

I guess Im a carboholic too. Too bad . I like it an Im eatin it. So there LOL.

I think a lot of us need to adjust our thinking not our weights. Weight should be tied to health. Models are not normal people. Women in general judge ourselves way too harshly. We can be 20 pounds over weight and we see "fat, ugly, hideous". Men dont even see it when theyre 120 pounds over weight, How many men have you ever heard say "DO these pants make my butt look fat".

FWIW. Ive been called an Amazon so I kinda know how you feel. Thats just their opinion. I happen to like me just the way I am. (Well maybe minus 20 so I could wear a belt with my cute jeans. LOL) . "Small" people feel like they have to bring people that they feel are "bigger" tha them down to their size. I say if you dont like it dont look. ( Can you tell this is one of my pet peeves) < insert smilie> Elvis says theyre jealous. There may be hope for that man yet.

Did you ever really look at other women. Did you ever think that maybe we are the normal ones.

Cecilia

Cecilia

Jeri

Short men seem to find me facinating too I never HAVE been able to figure that one out either..

GirlInterrupted

I wish i could be that way when it came to food, just eat it. It's never sounded that simple to me before.

sketscher

GI, opposite for me. Wish I look at something and say "nah I don't care for that, I'm not eating it". or even "yah that looks good but I don't need to eat that now or the whole thing when I do". Seems simple too.

Cecilia

I shouldnt joke.
Actually its really NOT that simple. If it was Id be in my cute jeans wearin a belt. LOL.

In my own way Im just saying food isnt evil. If you eat something "bad" its not the end of the earth. If I eat a piece of cake I dont feel like Ive fallen off the wagon and now I have free rein to open the frig and start shovelin. I enjoy my cake. Hopefully because I let myself really enjoy that piece I wont scarf down the rest in a wild free for all carb binge. LOl.

I also know that there are people who cant do that. One bite to them is like one drink to an alkie. Im just sayin you should like yourself for who you are. We all are different. Theres nothing so special about you that you get to make the rules for everybody else. <insert smilie>.

That said. Stop beatin up on yourself. Being thin doesnt make you a better person. Im sure you have oodles of good qualities. And Im sure that compassion is one of your biggest ones. Some thin people are evil. (Probably cause theyre hungry. oops sorry the devil made me say that.)

Im gonna get yelled at for saying this but Ive always felt sorry for people whos looks are who tthey are. You know the ones who think theyre aall that. Because thats ALL they are. And when ttheir looks go theyre lost. But if youre smart aand funny and caring then people will always want to be around you no matter how old fat and wrinkled you get. Being nice is hard but Im workin on it the best I can. LOL.

GirlInterrupted

sketscher:: "Wish I look at something and say "nah I don't care for that, I'm not eating it". or even "yah that looks good but I don't need to eat that now or the whole thing when I do". Seems simple too"

I can't look at food and thing that either though. I usually think things like "your fat you doin't need that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", or "if you eat it you are weak"...

sketscher

It's interesting that something that is meant to nourish and be enjoyed can cause some of us so much pain. Or at least be the focus of our pain.

GI, I look at something, think of how bad it is for me and usually will still eat in private. If in public I feel obligated to say "i know this is bad for me but I'm going to eat it" as if anyone really cares! And I am like an A in private, usually one bite of something leads to the whole thing. I'm ravinous. On occasion I will drink like that too but I always get hungry as well and so I turn back to food at some point during drinking.

My saving grace is that I still only keep healthy food around me. No deserts, no junk food, no fried food. I've learned to like veggies and prefer whole grains etc.

Pony

I am like this too. In public I say the same thing....mostly to ease my own guilt about eating it......and in private....exactly the same. I know I am an addict whether it is food or alcohol....I have traded one for the other in the past.


This thread is really good and I have been following it. Lots of good discussion here. I certainly agree that weight shouldn't be about looks....should be about health. Too much emphasis has been put on women about looking like a certain way to be desirable. I have bene told most of my life...that only if I had that body, then with my face and personality I would be a dream..... I think the whole thing has given me nightmares over the years. It is so hard to fight the prejudices against those that are ignorant.

GirlInterrupted

Cecilia:: "That said. Stop beatin up on yourself. Being thin doesnt make you a better person. Im sure you have oodles of good qualities. And Im sure that compassion is one of your biggest ones. Some thin people are evil."

Anyone can be evil, no matter how thin or not thin they are. I know eating doesnt make me better person...but..this is the best way i can discribe it.. most people feel like they can't survive the day if they don't eat enough. If i eat i feel like i can't do anything. I have eaten and not even gone to school that next day cause i felt so horrible.


"Im gonna get yelled at for saying this but Ive always felt sorry for people whos looks are who tthey are."

you may not understand this because i have an eating disorder...but my looks aren't who i am. ((i can hear people saying now, "she starves herselve to be thin how can she not base being thin on who she is?")) Thiness proves i have strength...and i can be strong...i can survive without the essentials.. so anything else i want to do, i can. As long as i can be strong && NOT eat. I mean the way i look does matter to me, but i know no matter how thin i am i am always going to dispise the me on the inside.



sketscher:: "My saving grace is that I still only keep healthy food around me. No deserts, no junk food, no fried food."

I keep healthy food in my house a lot, accept to me any food is the enemy, unless it's negative calorie foods ((which will never make me gain weigh)). And if i do eat unhealthy i am...just as you said..ravinous. I eat until i have to puke it up. ((i have eaten 2 boxes of cerial, a carton of ice cream && a box of ice cream sandwiches in the matter of two hours...)) I dont think it would be possible for me to keep that down...i mean i eat until i am so SICK i must puke.




Pony:: "Too much emphasis has been put on women about looking like a certain way to be desirable. I have bene told most of my life...that only if I had that body, then with my face and personality I would be a dream..... I think the whole thing has given me nightmares over the years. It is so hard to fight the prejudices against those that are ignorant."


I strongly agree...i mean if you look on TV there are plenty of "big" men with skinny wives in shows. But no "bigger" women with a good looking husband.

TexasGirl

Oh, Sketscher, me too!!! I always disclaim that I'm eating something...it's like I want people to know that I know I'm eating something I shouldn't. In my skewed thinking, it's like then they can't secretly discuss how I should lay off the sweets because I've openly owned up to it. You know....I'm not what many would call "fat." I'm currently a size 10, but I can't tell you how much I beat myself up over it. My closet is full of recent 8s and older 6s (plus two very special 4s) that I can't put on, and I hate how I look. And although I may not be traditionally overweight, my emotional relationship with food is really messed up. I eat more in private, I downplay what I've eaten when I'm telling people about what I've had, it's weird. I know I eat to try to fix my problems, and it only makes me feel worse. I too am a carb-aholic. When I eat them, I become a food monster.

The only thing that has ever worked for me was eliminating sugar and white things (flour, pasta, potatoes) from my diet. Once I get over the 2-week hump (and it's killer), I start to feel better and I don't crave carbs anymore. It's difficult to maintain, but I once didn't eat sugar for a year, and believe it or not, I felt great. I'm currently on day 6 of no sugar/flour, and I'm pretty irritable!! But I have found that the only thing that keeps me from being a food monster is keeping refined carbs far, far away. We'll see if I make it....

mushroom

Most of my coworkers are somewhat overweight and they just don't understand how I can not eat something. They're practically insulted. They'll bring in these big huge Costco size muffins and wonder why they dont' all get eaten. Or we'll be on the road and they'll want to stop for ice cream and I don't want any. Hey, if I'm not hungry, or if it's nothing but empty calories and my jeans are getting tight, or it's something I don't like, I'm not eating it.

But I have a strange relationship with food. Eating was a painful experience when I was a kid. Imagine a sit down family dinner, every night, with an ACOA mother who can't cook worth a darn. Man I hated eating!!! The food was terrible and the company was worse. She was a total control freak, that mother of mine, and she never let up, especially not when she had a captive audience at the dinner table. My defense was to not eat. I'm still a codie through and through, but without overeating issues. I don't eat much, and I especially don't like eating socially. And there's a lot of foods I just won't touch. Chocolate, however, is not one of those.

Still, the alkies can pick me out of a crowd at a distance, skinny as I am.

mallowcup

Have you ever known a woman who seems to get whatever she wants and appears totally unreasonable about it? They seem to give absolutely nothing and men seem to drop at their feet, meanwhile back at the ranch, we cook, clean, dote, try to earn the relationship we want and we are willing to settle. Where's the sense in it? Well, I think women who lack confidence by being skinny or fat or uneducated, too educated, maybe she has buck teeth and no dental insurance or a big fat mole on her forehead......If we preceive a deficit in ourselves, we identify with men who have deficits. We see it as a real asset that we can overlook their drinking because they make us feel special. They let us in. They make us feel worthy and normal........they think they have found someone who can live with their drrinking and that makes them very happy....happy.....happy...until, as their comfort zone expands to the point they are either drunk or hungover and you sqwack. When you do sqwack, it's as if they just noticed the mole, your fat butt, how stupid you are or what an over educated ice princess you are..........

sketscher

Mallowcup, thanks a million for this post. I never thought of it that way and this puts my situation (from my other post) into perfect perspective. He never had a real problem or complaint with me before I started setting boundries!


This whole post I shall carry with me into the new year! It's simply the whole truth in a nutshell. In fact I'm going to save this one in my files.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Pony

Mallow, this put some perspective on some things for me and my situation also. Thanks

best

Slow dancing *grin* lol

historyteach

Best....
:

Shalom!

best

*LOL*

She asked.

*LOL*

Who else would know the answer but a guy?

embraced2000

ohhhhhhh.....so that's it, huh??? and i always thought it was because i could change light bulbs better then them....or reach to the top shelf....

elizabeth1979

Im late on this, but wanted to add something. I have had a history of choosing men that were needy, financially troubled, married to someone else or had substance abuse problems. Ive been overweight and not overweight.

The commonality in these men, is that I always chose someone who I didnt have to work too hard for. Meaning, a man without some sort of issue, I would be afraid of. I didnt think I was good enough for a healthy, attractive, non addicted, man to want. I didnt have to be pretty, or in shape, or intelligent, because I was picking people that I thought needed me, bc I didnt think anyone would just want me.

So, it was my lack of self esteem, not just my weight. Some of the most ridiculous relationship choices I have made, were made at my thinnest.