Don't want / need to know.
 

The kids and I just got back from our Christmas Vacation. We had a great time. This morning when I dropped the kids off my sister in law told me how there Christmas was and then she told me how upset the STBXAH seemed. I don't think she means anything by it, but sometimes I think it is better for me to just not know. She told me that he would not let them mention the kids and if someone did he started to cry and seemed really quiet. How can I tell her, politely, that I don't want to know.

My little world is calm right now. I don't need an earth quake.

Just tell her politely you don't want to know. I'm sure you can say it in a diplomatic way that she will understand. After all, it appears she is well aware of the situation. Okay, he cried about his children. He misses them, I'm sure and Christmas brings up a lot of emotions in all of us.

Let your sister-in-law know that you would feel better if you didn't know the details of what the soon-to-be ex is doing because it helps you maintain some sense of peace about a difficult situation.

It came with practice for me, Life. If there is anyone out there who knows anything about my AH, they have not shared it with me. For that I am grateful.

Glad to hear you had a great holiday and are still looking out for you and the children. Good luck with everything.

I think that's a lesson for all of us, whether they have addictions or not. We should be more sensitive about telling any STBX about the other one. I try my best with this, because I still like my brothers XW, and of course she is the mother of my nieces and nephews, so I don't share stuff about my brother with her, nor do I share stuff about her to brother and new wife.

I think it's just so new right now for you L.O.T., but you should set the ground-rules with SIL soon, so it doesn't become a pattern for her to run to you with all the details. I don't think she would be offended if you just explain your side. Something like, "I am not very comfortable hearing about things STBXAH (that's a long title) does, and I am sure that he would feel the same way about hearing stuff about me" and if you look all of that up in the dictionary, it means ZIP IT! (don't add that part, even if you think it!)

Does Miss Manners have a website? This falls more into her category on things ppl should/should not do or say.